SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.

Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
350 Responses to “SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.”
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Pages: « 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 » Show All









101
ClydeB says:
ClydeB-UCLA
1. Pete Carroll is a badass. And ‘WIn forever’ tops anything I could have thought of.
2. I’m not a huge fan of His Coachness Rick Neuheisel (I grew up in Colorado, and his departure left a bad taste in the collective mouth.) I am on record before the event as saying firing Dorrell and hiring Slick Rick would be a nightmare (yes, I was THAT drunk). The fact that I might be warming up to him makes me cry inside.
3. I look forward to hearing the Trojan marching band. And when I hear Tusk I want to maul people. (Yes, like a bear. The Humanitarian is right about bears.)
October 14th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
102
Tater Salad says:
Tater Salad, Alabama:
I actually think Auburn is somewhat of a nice little town, except on gamedays.
I got to Neyland early on gameday so I could catch the UT players running through the T. I also enjoyed the Vol Navy. And, much to my shame, I called my fiancee, also a Bama alum, from our tailgate (we were with UT fans) to drunkenly inform her that Smokey had just strolled past. I thought it was cool… So did she…
October 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
103
ClydeB says:
I also find it hard to root for other Pac-10 teams just because we’re in the same conference. My degree isn’t from “Pacific Ten University” its from UCLA (ok, technically its from the University of California.)
October 14th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
104
samsquantch says:
Tzubear-despite being a Duck I liked Ken Simonton more than Joey Harrington. Joey was just waaay too “aw gosh gee golly” Joe College for me. Ken Simonton’s screeds on the NCAA was Black Panther-ish.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
105
horn in the desert says:
horn in the desert, Texas:
1.) The fringe motif on the UT band and cheerleaders is ridiculous.
2.) So is the “world’s biggest drum.”
3.) I have the sneaking suspicion that my school (BA and JD) has done less with more than any other D-I school in history. And that’s still including the 2005 MNC.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
106
That Guy says:
USC* – 2 things, both of which make me sad:
1) I find Tiger Rag to be a very catchy song, and normally can’t get it out of my head for weeks after playing them. Ditto, Rocky Top.
2) When I was a senior in h.s., I decided I was going to UGA. I applied, got in, got housing, everything. Pulled for them my senior year in sports against USC. I have h.s. friends who will never forgive me, and college friends I will never tell.
*If you couldn’t figure out which USC I’m talking about, you should die.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
107
Tater Salad says:
Also, not really football related, but once upon a time, a roommate owed me and our other roommate money that we fronted to keep us all from being evicted. He repaid us by taking his sweet ass time to pay us back, all the while meeting us at various bars.
So one night, I peed in the driver’s seat of his convertible. He never knew. It’s probably still piss soaked. And I don’t feel bad.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
108
DevilGrad says:
Bonus soccer admission: Sometimes I wish I came from a country that could actually qualify for the World Cup.
I still root for Scotland at every World Cup — even when they haven’t qualified.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
109
Crabapple Buck says:
Crabapple Buck, The Ohio State University – I have many confessions.
I find some of the traditions of other schools to be really cool, such as the splitting of the T for the team entrance at Tennessee. The LSU tailgates have the best food. Jump around at Wisconsin.
I also find the zaniness of the SEC to be somewhat normal and the relative calm of the north to be a bit disturbing.
I accepted pity sex with Bama Band girls after the 1979 Sugar Bowl (we lost 35-6) and dated an attorney from ND before I was married. I also pull for Michigan until we play them so their pain will be worse when they lose. Although this year and last have found me glad to see Appy State and Toledo win.
I hope a benevolent God will forgive me even though it is Tuesday.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
110
DC Trojan says:
ClydeB: I’m right there with you on the conference thing. Also, I envy the fact that some UCLA cheerleaders appear to be gorgeous *and* bright.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
111
5.5 year plan says:
In my 6 seasons of undergrad at Athens, I missed 0 Home games, yet had to re-watch every single one of them on TV to realize what actually happened.
Thanks Beamer
October 14th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
112
Graysnail says:
Graysnail, Tennessee:
I turned the ‘05 LSU game off at halftime because we had no shot of coming back. Furthermore, there hasn’t been a big conference game since 2002 that I’ve expected the Vols to win, ever. So much for team confidence.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
113
DC Trojan says:
DevilGrad @ 105 – I identify the African country that is 1) least likely to get out of the first round, and 2) has a game against their former colonial oppressor, and support them. It’s a close substitute.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
114
Kenny says:
Though they are bigger, stronger, faster and more impressive I tend to like the historical more than the contemporary.
I find, this season, that I might enjoy small college ball more than the big time product. Most of this has to do with crowd size.
Every fan base’s thought that their fans are classier than yours is a fallacy. Broke my heart when I learned we had colossal jerks too.
WarCardinal: Ever have it back in the day when Mr. Echols hand squeezed it? It was different then. Better and different. Lots of things were.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
115
Adam West's chauffeur says:
Adam West’s chauffeur, Nebraska
1) I love Boulder
2) I hate the ‘N’ on our helmets and the script ‘Huskers’ logo. Yes, I’m a snob of the creative cognoscenti, but this imaging reeks of mailbox lettering and Zubaz pants.
3) Every weekend I see Uncle Verne, I secretly wish I was in the SEC.
4) I’d rather party in hell with Barry Switzer than have Sunday dinner with Tom Osborne. Hands down.
Dr. Tom said I would deny him three times… **sobbing**
October 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
116
Jersey Gator says:
I own a Rex Grossman Bears jersey.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
117
ClydeB says:
DC Trojan
Actual conversations (seems to be a recurring theme) I had with fellow Bruin re: USC (recent vintage)/Oregon (2001 specifically) playing in bowl and for national championship
Him: I want USC/Oregon to win, it will be better for the conference.
Me: How the fuck does USC/Oregon winning a championship make us better?!
I must have missed that class on transitive football greatness.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
118
ClydeB says:
Ok, this one will hurt. When I was in high school, I went to a USC/UCLA game in the Rose Bowl. And rooted for USC (who lost). I even bought a USC hat to wear at the game (which I believe I still have somewhere).
October 14th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
119
gindole says:
I often find myself humming our opponents fight song the entire week leading up to the game….and thinking some of them are pretty cool.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
120
Doug says:
I think Tim Tebow is a phenomenal football player, a great role model, and an all-around terrific kid.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
121
WhiteSpeedReceiver says:
WhiteSpeedReceiver, Minnesota.
My best friend is from Wisconsin and is a huge Wisconsin fan.
I openly wished for the return of Glen Mason when we lined up in the shotgun on a 4th and 1 in the opener against Illinois St.
I would rather watch SEC or Big XII games than any Big Ten game not involving Minnesota.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
122
ged3 says:
ged3, Texas: I didn’t get upset after the loss to aTm in 1999. I figured they deserved one after the whole collapsing bonfire thing.
Also, I hate the key jingling thing. I feel like a terrible sport by association when everyone around me starts doing it.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
123
TigerNacho says:
TigerNacho, LSU
I would never admit this outside the walls of this globally-accessible, yet anonymous Internet, but…I still miss Saban.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
124
Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me says:
Pickin’ Poison Dept:
#117: As a USC fan, I obviously do not care for UCLA (Conference or no Conference) and Notre Dame…
… but when those two recently played against each other, for the first time ever I actually wanted the Bruins to win the games against Charlie Weis’ miserable teams. Interestingly, I did not have the ‘who the hell cares who wins mentality’ about these games. Too bad they lost and gave my condolences to my ucla friends.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
125
Jmuthaf'nT, UF says:
I went to the game this weekend and got so drunk I passed out in a stall during the first half. My friend had to come and find me, which he did somehow. dont know how many stalls he peeked over before he found me and asked if i was okay
October 14th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
126
LitiGATOR says:
LitiGATOR:
1) I think Rocky Top is an awesome song; I mentally sing along when the Vols come to town
2) I kinda like Georgia; If I wasn’t born into a family of rabid Gator fans, I could see myself liking them
3) I feel like UF is the retarded step child of the SEC when it comes to tailgating and game attire.
4) I envy the “More Traditional Football Powers” because their traditions are way better than singing “We are the Boys”
5) FSU is actually a pretty good school.
6) Urban Meyer is an asshole, but I LOVE IT
7) I think that Bobby Bowden is a worthless sack of shit, even though I suspect that he’s truly a decent, Christian man.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
127
ClydeB says:
#123 ‘As a USC fan, I obviously do not care for UCLA’
As a Bruin, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
re: ND
Condolences were appropriate after that pair of disasters, especially the second one.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
128
Sherlock's Sidekick says:
GT fan: I frequently watch clemson and wake forest games even when there is better football on tv, and only because cullen harper and riley skinner are incredibly hot
October 14th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
129
crawtater says:
It’s already been lightly mentioned above @122, but I’ve been bottling this in for three and a half years (no, not just since Saturday):
SABAN, COME BACK. PLEASE.
We’ve just about run out of your leftovers.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
130
sec supremacist says:
sec supremacist, Auburn: I’m actually kind of jealous of the Bear.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
131
hlh says:
Sister Mary Holly, I hope you’re getting all this.
And @127, I hope you’re female, otherwise, get back in the booth. nttiawwt., but we’re talking absolution here.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
132
Holly says:
Don’t go judging now, hlh. That’s for Football Jesus. This is a safe place for us to lift off these burdens free of repercussion.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
133
sd9 says:
sd9, Ariz. State
I am jealous of SEC fans’ passion, SEC college towns, the SEC’s TV contract and SEC schools’ committment to winning. My wife is a Gator and she demands that our unborn child go to Florida, and while I externally put up a fight, deep down I agree.
That being said, I’ll never pull a Shanoff.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
134
jamiedawg says:
jamiedawg, Georgia
1. I would sleep with Pete Carroll in a heartbeat because he is hot….
2. I secretly think that the inner Miami cheezwhiz will surface in the robot that is Mark Richt, who is the SEC’s most boring coach
3. I love the GA tech fight song and sometimes find myself singing along with it.
4. I think the Vol Navy is amazingly cool
we will not speak of this again.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
135
Leif Eriksen says:
I actually admire OU’s 7 national championships.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
136
Florida says:
Here it goes-
-I am in love with the Vol Navy, Calhouns and the splitting of the T.
-I think the far majority of Gator students have embarrassingly low football IQs and dress and behave poorly on gamedays.
-I wish we didn’t play Georgia in Jax so I could experience a game day in Athens.
-As with many Gator fans, I would have welcomed Spurrier back with open arms…even over Urb
-I feel myself getting a bit sick of “the spread”
October 14th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
137
Benny Lava says:
Father forgive me for I have sinned….it’s been 3 nanoseconds since I last wished that sorry sack-o-shit Willingham on @53 and @59 footbaw teams of choice.
Maybe he can work the wonders for your team(s)….that he did for ours and others…
Oh, btw, Father, I’m not finished……forgive me for thinking that Pam Ward is da hottness.
Actually, not really, I just wanted to see you all cringe.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
138
Reed says:
Hang On Sloopy is a catchy fucking tune. And while we’re at it, The Victory March ain’t half bad either.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
139
rw88, Georgia Tech says:
1. UGA’s kickoff yell is awesome
2. GaTech uniforms are still pretty hideous, they need to not use that shitty mustard gold color
3. I do not mind ditching Tech games for SEC games, they are eons more fun and the women are hottt
4. yellow jacket = bad mascot
October 14th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
140
inthevalley says:
inthevalley, Auburn
I’m actually pretty happy to see Alabama return to national prominence. I just wish it wasn’t happening as my team is doing a nosedive into mediocrity.
Congrats, Bama fans.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
141
Orson Swindle says:
Orson, Florida: I have to physically restrain myself from singing along with “Hold that Tiger” at LSU games.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
142
PortTrojan says:
Humanitarian, I half agree with you. Could care less about bears, but I admit that the old powder blue UCLA uniforms are my favorite in the NCAA (and I do like USC’s).
Tzubear, you might be right about Oregon girls vs. OSU girls, but amazingly, your cheerleaders and dance team are much better looking than SC’s song girls – the second great disappointment from my visit to Corvallis a few weeks ago.
DC Trojan, pre-BCS, it was awesome going to the Rose Bowl in spite of all the “pageantry” blabber you’re forced to hear.
I still resent the fact my (now deceased) father forced us to go to a Howard Johnson’s motel in Palm Springs for a “vacation” instead of the 55-24 SC-ND game in ‘74. I got a ridiculous spanking for being such a bitch about it during the Sunday night replay the following evening.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
143
Studley says:
I really don’t like night games in Tiger Stadium. I only say I do, since it’s the majority opinion. Day games are much better.
Oh, and Houston Nutt is an extremely smart coach, in my opinion. I enjoy hearing the word “giggity”.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
144
crawtater says:
(…continued from 129)
also,
(1) Sweater vests look classy;
(2) I like Michigan because of their helmets;
(3) And I get a little nauseous 98% of the time an SEC player speaks into a microphone.
There. I feel much better. Go Tigers!
October 14th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
145
She Blinded Me With Violence says:
She Blinded Me With Violence – Gamecocks
1. There are a ton of attractive young ladies that go to Clemson.
2. I sat in the student section twice for a Clemson home game but only once for a Carolina home game.
3. I have more Clemson friends than Carolina friends.
4. I’m embarrassed by a large portion of our fanbase.
5. In spite of his obvious dementia, speech impediment, Notre Dame homerism, and being responsible for 63-17, I still like Sweet Lou.
6. I’ve never been to an SEC road game.
7. I’d rather watch a game at home so I have absolute control over televisions, food, atmosphere, etc. than go to a game or a bar/restaurant to watch a game.
8. I had a man-crush on C.J. Spiller.
9. I really liked the Spurrier-led Florida teams. Even when he’d emasculate us on a yearly basis.
10. I became a bandwagon Bama fan because of their ‘92 national championship team.
11. I never graduated from Carolina but have sang “We Hail Thee Carolina” at the games.
12. I think our marching band is the lamest in all of college foobaw and our halftime shows bore me to tears. You can’t play “25 or 6 to 4″ every damn time. Also, fuck Chicago.
Remember, none of you saw me write any of this.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
146
morgantownie says:
I didn’t get that excited about Mountaineer Football until ‘06. I’ll be returning to my pre-Pat White level of enthusiasm about… Now. Thanks Eddie Pastilong.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
147
Yostal says:
Yostal–Michigan
I think the concept of “Michigan Man” is woefully misunderstood, particularly by those who espouse the idea of being a Michigan man.
I like Joe Paterno and I feel a little bad that Michigan has beaten him nine straight times, including PSU’s only loss in 2005 on a last second play.
I like the key play. I always have and I always will.
I feel better. Thank you Holly.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
148
RanchyBalls says:
RanchyBalls (UF), Despite my upbringing (my first clothes were Blue and Orange), I get chills when I hear Rocky Top played when UT runs into Neyland. I blame the fact I was forced to live in Tennessee for the first 18 years of my life.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
149
Woooo.Pig.Sooie. says:
I like the simplicity of the Tennessee “T”.
I hate Mark Richt because he is so flawless.
I think Texas has a pretty awesome football team this year.
I love tailgating in Oxford.
I hope I have the gorgeous silver locks of Pete Carroll when I get old.
I like Linkin Park.
I love the Cubs more when they suck.
I hated Shea stadium.
When I’m sick I would rather watch the Food Network than ESPN.
I covet pedicures.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
150
This is Your Captain Speaking says:
This is Your Captain Speaking, Auburn:
1. Even though I have season tickets, many fall weekends, I would rather work in the yard and hang out with friends at Taco Mac rather than dealing with the hassle of trucking down to the Plains (this was true even before AU’s current offensive woes). This is due, in part, to Auburn’s cupcake scheduling.
1a. I have been known to go to fall weddings.
2. I love the Vol Navy.
3. Despite growing up an orange-and-blue Auburn fan, I seriously considered going to UGA.
4. I voted for Bob Barr (I know this is a politics-free zone, but I HAD TO TELL SOMEBODY).
October 14th, 2008 at 7:19 pm