SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.

Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
350 Responses to “SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.”
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Pages: « 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7 » Show All









51
Texy says:
After barstoolio’s Charlie Weis confession, suddenly my deep dark secret of finding Bob Stoops kind of hot seems tame.
Here’s one: Bonfire was a cool tradition.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
52
ChopBlock says:
As an auburn fan, I would rather watch Alabama lose than watch Auburn win.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
53
samsquantch says:
Another: while I truly enjoy Washington being the Pac Ten’s bitch with every fibre of my being, I feel bad for Ty Willingham.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
54
ClemsonHorn says:
When I was in 6th grade, my aggie science teacher gave us extra credit on our tests equal to the score differential of the tamu game, and I cheered my little heart out for those guys.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
55
DogBrewer says:
DogBrewer, Ole Miss – I think tailgating in the Grove is kind of a pain in the ass… I’d just as soon set up near the car.
I also kind of like the Raycom 11:30 game.
Father Manning please forgive me…
October 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
56
HeadThief says:
I dated a Notre Dame grad that was a Texas fan. Thank God that didn’t work out.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
57
Swamoma says:
I thought there were a lot more scumbags and rednecks at Gator home games than at Neyland or Athens. I thought Baton Rouge was way more fun for tailgating, and I enjoy being an away fan more than a home fan.
PS If I lived in Florida I don’t know that I would wear Gators stuff everyday.
I feel better now.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
58
BamaTaxMan says:
BamaTaxMan: Alabama
Let’s see, grew up in Tuscaloosa, two degrees from the University, worked for the Alumni Association my last two years on campus….yup, I married an Auburn grad. And as such, I don’t hate on Auburn as much as I did in my twenties, when I had a “Have you kicked your tiger today?” bumper sticker on my car.
Also, I really like LSU – Mike, nights at Tiger Stadium, the tailgate food (which would qualify as the best restaurant in Red Stick), white jerseys.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
59
Signal to Noise says:
#53 – seconded. He looks like he’s made a series of bad decisions as a coach, but I wonder how different it would have been if he had stayed at Stanford.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
60
MSR says:
That’s considered a sin among AU fans, ChopBlock? Hell, I thought it was a prerequisite.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
61
Pandemonium Reigns says:
Pandemonium Reigns, Tennessee – I think the Strip in Knoxville sucks and secretly wish it could be like Athens.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
62
Counter Trap says:
I thought Mike Gundy was a man at 39. I believe Florida midget running backs can gain yardage on third and short. I know it was WRONG to think anything positive about Mike Stoops, Rutgers and/or anyone with the last name “Holtz.”
October 14th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
63
Michigan Gator says:
I openly root for Ohio State to beat Michigan State whenever they play because I hate Michigan State even more than teams from Ohio… although I still wish there was a way they could both lose.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
64
Petie says:
Alabama fan.
I married into an LSU family, and I want to have Les Miles’ big-balled manbabies.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
65
sneaky_love says:
sneaky_love, Arkansas — I sold the coke to Matt Jones
October 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
66
ChopBlock says:
Everything. OK! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out… But the worst thing I ever done – I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa – and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
67
4.0 Point Stance says:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned…
For the past three years I have had a gigantic man-crush on Pete Carroll. Seriously, I would fling myself into a pool of lava for that man.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
68
Big Jon says:
I believe Jake Plummer was vastly overrated for having only one good season (his senior) within an extremely run-heavy offense.
(Typing that one made my soul burn a little.)
October 14th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
69
bj says:
I’m happy Brock Berlin got his revenge after being forced out of Florida.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
70
That Dog says:
I think Barack Obama is intelligent.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
71
vegas_buckeye says:
I wear crocs.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
72
Never Leave College says:
Never Leave College, South Carolina – I dated a girl with two clemson degrees for almost two years. Oh yeah, her father was an ex-president of IPTAY. Gamecock fans, you may commence with the stoning.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
73
WorstFan says:
This is a double sin. I once stayed at a party with a buddy after all 5 of the house’s inhabitants and drank their beer until 8 am the next morning, THEN lived in said house with 3 of the same people that use to live there for 2 YEARS without ever mentioning the incident nor paying them back in the least. I consequently proceeded to pass out and sleep through the entire proceeding Penn State-tOSU home game, marking the only home game in 5 years I missed.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
74
Texy says:
vegas_buckeye wins.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
75
Ted says:
Ted, GT — I don’t like most people I meet from GT. I find Georgia graduates to better rounded, more likable people.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
76
Cleat Meat says:
My 10-year-old son doesn’t like college football, and mocks my devotion to my beloved Trojans.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
77
Patterson says:
Even though I’m a Gator fan, I hum Rocky Top to myself when I’m working.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
78
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Addicted to USC Footbawwwww Dept:
I have skipped a number of events (many involving family, friends, blah, blah, blah) to watch USC football, and have not regretted any of them. I need a 14-step program or something, no?
October 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
79
x says:
Graduate of both LSU and USC, but went to the Ohio State game in Columbus Saturday wearing an OSU hat. And had a good time doing it.
And, I married an Auburn grad who grew up a Notre Dame fan because her dad went there. I have issues…
October 14th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
80
beerbaron says:
LSU:
I would rather tailgate beyond drunkeness and watch the game on tv than actually go to the game 75% of the time. Although, I’m not really sorry for it. Our home schedule is routinely a piece of shit.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
81
streetweirdo says:
streetweirdo, Alabama: I think Auburn’s eagle flight is the coolest pre-game ritual in all of sports. Wow, it’s weird to express that thought outside of my own head.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
82
Ashamed UM Fan says:
-Steve Breaston was a sub-par WR at best
-Tom Brady was not that great in college
-I used to wish Tressell coached UM instead of Lloyd
-I hate Juwan Howard and Glen Rice
October 14th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
83
haveagreatday says:
LSU
@64 – feel your exquisite pain, my friend. I married an Ole Miss girl and do my very best to get back to the Grove – often to the exclusion of BR. And, sweet lord of fried turkeys, please forgive me, but I really do not like the “geaux” everything. I can actually feel the adrenaline shooting off my kidneys as I type this.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
84
dogtown gator says:
Shit, Orson. Just realized that my brand new Mini convertible is Red+Black. I still love it.
I loved Georgia’s TD celebration last year at the WGOCP. Thought it was ballsy.
Marvin Jones with his black visor was a pure joy to watch; Darth Vader with closing speed for FSU circa 93.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
85
eponymous says:
eponymous, UGA:
I lay awake at nights thinking that the only reason for our resurgence under Richt is because other SEC powers like UT, Bama, and UF were asleep at the wheel, and we are about to be little brother again.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
86
dogtown gator says:
Burning Man is the most amazing uplifting spiritual wonderful bacchanal phenomenal experience but missing the first weekend of football every year is nearly too high a price to pay.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
87
ChopBlock says:
Frankly there is nothing to do in Auburn other than smoke weed.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
88
Land of Os(borne) says:
Nebraska -I voted against Tom Osborne for both Congressman and Governor.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
89
ChopBlock says:
I really dont believe that Lane Kiffin will be our new OC
October 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
90
tzubear says:
tzubear, Oregon State:
1. U of O girls are hotter than Oregon State coeds. Even if they are more annoying, I still enjoy thier company more.
2. I am jelous of Nike’s patronage to the green ones. Were closer to Beaverton dammit! —- runs away sobbing.
3. I am late to this party and I dont care
October 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
91
Rockabye Reggie Nelson says:
@57: Despite wearing a Gators shirt right now, I consider it more camouflage and less choice as a current UF undergrad.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
92
WarCardinals says:
WarCardinals, Auburn -
1. I actually like “Hey Alabama.” It’s catchy.
2. The War Chant is the shit. Gets me hyped up no matter what, and I HATE FSU.
3. Toomer’s isn’t nearly the best lemonade I’ve ever had. Not bad, but not the best.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
93
gosouthgohard says:
gosouthgohard, Georgia Tech – I once thought Reggie Ball was an amazing quarterback.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
94
the croominator says:
the croominator, Ole Miss: I have to agree with DogBrewer…Groving used to be fun. Now if there’s a choice between the Grove/Vaught-Hemingway and sitting in Parrish’s for the game, that pub on the Square wins out. Also, I cheered against Ole Miss all last season so Orgeron would be fired and people would quit building all those fucking condos.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
95
WarCardinals says:
Oh, one other thing:
Outside the Supper Club, the bar scene at Auburn blows
October 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
96
dogtown gator says:
dogtown gator, UF: this one will feel good to let out: It was unfair that FSU had to play us twice in 96.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
97
sjs1959 says:
sjs1959, Memphis, part 2: I am OPPOSED to on an On-Campus Stadium at Uof M because there’s just no room.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
98
Rockabye Reggie Nelson says:
Also, before NCAA Football dumped its awesome create-a-school feature (seriously, where the hell is that?), I used Rocky Top as my faux dynasty’s fight song, because, post-touchdown, it maddens like no other piece of music, ever.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
99
damn strong football team says:
I think Southern Cal routinely plays a bad ass non conference schedule (including traveling TO SEC schools) that would eliminate most of the country from MNC contention. But LSU would still kick their ass anytime anywhere.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
100
DC Trojan says:
The first pep rally I attended at freshman orientation, I looked at all the blond people making the fight-on gesture, at night, with the marching band, and thought, fucking hell, it’s Nuremberg without the torches.
I’ve never seen SC play at the Rose Bowl, and I really don’t care if I do.
I can’t get Notre Dame’s fight song out of my head for a week after the game.
Deep down, I know I should have gone to Cal.
I find it strangely relaxing to listen to Bob Davie’s commentary.
Bonus soccer admission: Sometimes I wish I came from a country that could actually qualify for the World Cup.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:26 pm