SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.

Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
350 Responses to “SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.”
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Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 » Show All









1
Kyrana says:
I am a die-hard Alabama fan, but I don’t own one thing with a houndstooth print on it.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
2
The Great Barstoolio says:
I miss soulja boy.
I KNOW.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
3
Holly says:
Additional confession: Despite extensive family connections in Texas, I thought Sam Bradford was cute for like a whole year before I saw his pores in HD.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
4
hlh says:
hlh, Georgia: I actually feel empathy for Coop and wish him and those defensive end thieves well. I also own a pair of jorts.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
5
CK says:
…..at the 2001 SEC Title Game between my beloved LSU and Tennessee I made my way to the mens room in the 2nd quarter and vomited all over my hands, LSu long sleeve t, and the Vol fan in front of me. I never apologized and ran away.
…and when I got back to my seat I told my friends that a Vol fan had puked on ME, thus forcing me to remove my outer layer of clothing.
god it felt good to tell that. Have told NO ONE until now.
So…skinny rat tail having Tenn fan-15 year old with tears in your eyes and my puke on your back…i’m sorry
October 14th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
6
Mätt says:
I enjoy listening to Sugar Ray. I deserve whatever I have coming to me.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
7
Brian says:
I once declared my undying love for Taylor Bennett.
I too think the UGA colors look good…but only on convertibles.
I actually never had any respect for Larry Munson, even though I feigned it.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
8
Petrino's Bitch says:
He’s the best player to ever put on an Arkansas uniform, but I cringed every time Darren McFadden spoke into a microphone.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
9
Sue E. Pig says:
I second the sentiments of PB, Rockabye Reggie, and the lad giving confession in the photo.
Additionally, I think the quirkiness of LSU (white jerseys at home, numbers painted every five yards instead of ten on the field, double legged goal posts, BACs beyond normal human limits) is pretty damn cool.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
10
lt.winslow says:
FUCK, i just thought of another confession. this one makes me feel really guilty and disloyal.
much as i miss the O.B., i gotta admit that i really like the fact that i get to see replays on that big-ass HD jumbotron now that we’re at dolphins stadium.
i’m sorry. i can’t help it.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
11
tjruf says:
seminole war-chant = awesome
October 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
12
psuphiman80 says:
Winged helmets aren’t that bad.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
13
skinnyphatman says:
skinnyphatman, Georgia Tech: after growing up in a UGA household, Hershel Walker was my hero*, long through my undergraduate days in Atlanta. I hope they serve beer in hell.
*and probably at least one of his personalities still is today.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
14
Brian says:
Also…I think our stadium is butt ugly. Even though it has a nice view.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
15
DevilGrad says:
DevilGrad, Miami University — I root for Ohio U in most nonconference games.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2007/02/02/fulmer-cup-update-ohio-university-is-on-the-board/
October 14th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
16
The Great Barstoolio says:
I like having seat backs. Sorry, OB! I’m so sorry!
Also, I sort of find Charlie Weiss attractive. Not physically, mind you, but in that “he’s a dark, twisted asshole” kind of way.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
17
Ray says:
Ray, Michigan: I played doctor with my cousin for far too many years.
What? Oh, I like Ohio State’s jerseys.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
18
BurritoBrosShits says:
I find myself humming Hail to the Victors sometimes because its a damn good fight song.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
19
soledad says:
During the Redacted Era, I could only make it a quarter or two in the Swamp until I retreated to Cluck-U or Balls to keep drinking.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
20
Billy From Baton Rouge says:
I used to watch Grey’s Anatomy for reasons that had nothing to do with getting laid or masturbating to Katherine Heigl.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
21
BurritoBrosShits says:
@Soledad: I wholeheartedly understand
October 14th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
22
The Great Barstoolio says:
Oh, last one. I accidentally scratched another car with my door in the parking lot the other day and I didn’t leave a note because they had a Florida license plate.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
23
Billy From Baton Rouge says:
I also passed on a ticket to LSU’s overtime upset of Tennessee in 2000 because I couldn’t stand to watch them get blown out a week after losing to UAfuckingB. I watched that game in my dorm room and felt simultaneously joyful and sick.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
24
Pirate says:
Pirate, Texas Tech: I was born there and raised there but no amount of good golly nice folks can make Lubbock anything other than the suxs. Although the close drive to snow skiing rocked.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
25
Big Jon says:
I find the Pop McKale “Bear Down” story to be quite touching. Since almost no one here knows what I’m talking about, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_Down_Arizona#History
I need a shower now.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
26
Holly says:
OH, man, Billy, thanks for reminding me—I slept through Tennessee’s 4th quarter comeback over LSU in ‘05 because I was home sick with some godawful flu, then woke up to the hollering in the street and ran down to Neyland barefoot to join the riot like I’d seen the whole thing.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
27
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Chow Chow Chow Dept:
Even though Norm Chow went to the cross-town enemy UCLA, and wears those awful colors, I still do not dislike him.
While the USC guy that screwed him over – Kiffin – just got a taste of his own medicine by senile Al Davis, with no pay —to add insult to injury, or just desserts, which better describes the situation.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
28
AllWhoYonder says:
I’d rather read blog posts about the failures of other teams than the success of my own.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
29
Maceo24 says:
Maceo24, Michigan: I prefer the Gary Moeller era Wolverines to any other era (Bo included). I hope I can still keep my “block M” hat and my season tickets.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
30
Ahab says:
Ahab, UF: I used to pretend to be Herschel Walker as I ran over my little brother and his friends.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
31
Pinto says:
I don’t mean to sound like Clay Travis, but I always found FSU coeds more attractive than our UF girls. I still think Sterger is incredible.
And I’m ashamed.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
32
Signal to Noise says:
Additional note to my confession: I think it may also have something to do with Sanchez deciding on wearing the #6 jersey.
I just don’t think that number looks very good on a QB. No, sir, I don’t like it, and you can imagine that this wreaks havoc on me every Sunday, too, because I’m a Broncos fan.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
33
soledad says:
Also, I would still welcome Spurrier back with open arms. Though I doubt Urban would take kindly to an “open” relationship.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
34
Monday Morning Punter says:
DevilGrad, Miami University — I root for Ohio U in most nonconference games.
I always pull for Michigan when they don’t play us
October 14th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
35
Kecalf Bailey says:
I assume that I wouldn’t like at least 75% of all other Alabama fans if I knew them. Sometimes they are just so damn redneck it makes me feel ashamed.
Also, Tuscaloosa is one of the shittiest college towns there is. Campus has some beautiful old buildings and such, but the city of Tuscaloosa is the worst city.
I used to live in Jasper, AL and I would consider them to be comparable.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
36
samsquantch says:
Samsquantch, Oregon: I rooted for the Beavers to beat the Trojans. I feel dirty for even having a rooting interest in that game let along being glad that the aquatic rodents won.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
37
beth says:
Cheering for WVU victory = cheering for my sex life. I *do* want them to win though, also…
October 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
38
vegas_buckeye says:
I am hopelessly addicted to college football.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
39
Big Jon says:
There are some Autumn Saturdays when I’d rather stay home and watch games on the couch rather than tailgate all day. Not because it’s too hot or anything, but the thought of curling up on the couch with the dog sounds like a nice change of pace. I mean, the game doesn’t start until 7 pm. Why do I ahve to be there at 9 am?
And it’s okay S2N, you don’t have to rationalize it. This is a safe place.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
40
Holly says:
OK, last one, corollary to Big Jon’s: On any given Saturday night, I’d rather fall asleep drunk with a pile of friends in front of the late-night WAC game than go out. No contest.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
41
now_a_hoo says:
I’m a football polygamist, but that’s mostly a sin against myself (if you root for two BCS teams and an FCS team, you’ll never have a completely happy weekend, ever).
But as a Michigan fan and a UVa fan, I’m embarrassed to say I’ve dated a tOSU fan, and alumnae of MSU and UNC. As Clay Davis would say, “That’s some shameful shit!”
Oh, also: I don’t hate Maryland’s unis.
mea culpa, mea maxima culpa
October 14th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
42
King Puppy says:
I find Mike Leach incredibly entertaining, even when he (very frequently) rips on the Aggies.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
43
sjs1959 says:
sjs1959, Memphis: I LIKE Phillip Fulmer and feel sorry for all the crap he’s getting now.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
44
Teddy DuPay says:
Theo, UF – Due to the annual showdown in Jacksonville, few Gators fans realize that Athens is the far superior college football town overall.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
45
The Humanitarian says:
I much prefer UCLA’s colors and mascot (same goes for Cal). Cardinal and Gold just doesn’t work as well as variations on Blue and Yellow, and bears are the coolest things on land. Trojans are just some sad old dudes that actually lost the war.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
46
Doug says:
I’m dating a UF grad. Bachelor’s and master’s.
(Oh, and Orson: Damn straight you like Georgia’s colors.)
October 14th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
47
NOLAcane says:
1. I like the Warchant alot. Its on my ipod, its just pretty f’n cool.
2. Things I hate include the U gang sign, being called “NFL U”, and our fans who take pride in such things
October 14th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
48
Signal to Noise says:
Holly @ 40, that corollary is a universal.
Big Jon @ 39 – thanks. I know I don’t have to have a rational reason, but I’m glad my loathing has two irrational reasons behind it.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
49
Big Jon says:
Holly,
As an Arizona State grad living in the EST, that’s my date every Saturday night. maybe it makes me a shitty boyfriend, but the day isn’t complete unless I hear the not so dulcid tones of Petros Papadakis hyping up a WSU-ASU matchup like it’s the MNC game. Mmmm, FCS Pacific. That’s some good stuff right there.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
50
CrimsonBarrister says:
CrimsonBarrister, Bama: I married a Tennessee fan, don’t mind if she wears orange the 3rd Sat. in October and I think the Vol Navy is really really cool….
October 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm