SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.

Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
350 Replies »
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I realize that no one is reading this thread anymore, but I came to this realization only recently and must bare my sin…
… I think Boomer Sooner has the dumbest lyrics in all of college football.
Comment by CincySooner — November 21, 2008 @ 8:53 am
349
I actually enjoy playing as the Gators on NCAA 09 on the Xbox. Their offense is a lot of fun to run
Comment by Ed- UGA — October 30, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
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Miss State -
My dog’s name is Dixie.
I really wanted Urban Meyer to replace Jackie Sherill.
I miss Jackie Sherill, even though he totally lost control at the end.
I would have gone to UTK if they had offered more scholly money.
I grew up rooting for the Vols and the Tide, and never really knew about Mississippi State until I was in high school, even though my Dad was offered a basketball scholly in 1959 by Babe McCarthy.
I’m still pissed at my Dad for turning down a chance to play basketball for Mississippi State and thus dribble his way into SEC history on the 60-63 teams.
I passionately root for Army and Navy in every game they play (except when they play each other, in which case I root for Navy). Screw Air Force, though…
I am jealous of every other SEC team because they all either always have a legit QB, or get at least one at some time.
I still pull for Oregon State because my ex-fiance went there and is from Corvallis.
Comment by marooned — October 16, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
347
I never like larry munson
Comment by sufferinginwv — October 16, 2008 @ 8:29 pm
346
LSU (again):
I am jealous of all other SEC schools that have an in-state or in-conference rival to hate. We can’t properly hate anyone. We play Tulane every year. Tulane sucks. It’s impossible to hate Tulane. As a result, my hate has no focus. Lack of a respectable foe, has caused my hate to become inefficient. My hate is weak.
I wish I could hate Ole Miss, but they’ve sucked so hard for so long I now pity them.
Hating Miss State would be like hating a three-legged dog.
We’re trying to create a rivalry with Arkansas, but it just doesn’t feel right. They would rather hate a BigXII team.
I hate Auburn and they hate us, but they hate Bama more.
Same goes with Bama. (Although, I don’t hate Bama cause of Saban. I hate them cause Tiger Stadium was their second home for a long time.)
I feel like I should hate Florida cause we play them every year and Urban is sleazy, but I secretly loved the Spurrier years. Even when he’d smoke us, Spurrier would give you a good quote. Plus, they have natural rivals in FSU and Georgia.
As such, I envy all the other SEC teams that can call someone else their rival. And therefore, I hate them all.
Comment by beerbaron — October 16, 2008 @ 5:14 pm
345
I was raised Southern Baptist, but since I go to Mardi Gras every year, I also give something up for Lent every year. I figure it’s not a good idea to go to God’s party and stiff him on the cover.
On that note, I’ve been getting unending amounts of enjoyment from this thread over the past couple of days and it wouldn’t feel right not to come clean myself, even if I am a day late and a dollar short. That being said-
Rebel:
1. I love LSU. Love everything about them. Love their fans, their colors, their traditions, their live Tiger. Love Louisiana, love Baton Rouge. Tiger Stadium is my absolute favorite place to see a game other than Vaught-Hemingway. Even though I say “Go to hell LSU!” at the end every time I hear the National Anthem, I don’t really mean it.
2. To hear me tell it, I hate Tennessee and the color orange make me want to vomit. Truth be told, I’ve dated 3 different red-headed Vol fans from TN, chiefly because of the orange, um, factor. And although I was never actually told to kiss the big orange, I would’ve done it. And I would’ve liked it.
3. It didn’t make me mad when we got rid of the Rebel flag, and it wouldn’t really make me mad if we dropped the “Rebels” and the rest of the symbolism too. Just because I don’t think it should send the wrong message doesn’t mean it still doesn’t, and just because it doesn’t connote that meaning to me doesn’t mean other peoples’ opinions have any less validity. My secret fantasy is that we go back to the old mascot from the early part of the 1900’s- the Mississippi Flood.
Wow. For the first time in a long time I actually feel clean. Honestly- I don’t much care for it.
Comment by hiram cross — October 16, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
344
hlh–Well said. We forgive you your sins, lawyas. Go in peace.
Comment by Holly — October 16, 2008 @ 12:38 pm
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Cal fan:
1. I like Pete Carroll.
2. I like Oregon’s fans. Douchebags, yes, but they CARE about their team. Cal fans have too much of a California too-cool-for-school attitude…despite being largely dorks.
3. I can’t stand 90% of Cal fans, especially the undergrads who know nothing about football.
4. I am jealous of SEC fanbases and stadiums.
5. I think Michigan’s fight song is awesome.
6. I wish Stanford was good.
Comment by Spazzy McGee — October 16, 2008 @ 2:56 am
342
Sister Mary Holly, may I suggest a homily to end this extraordinary supplication……..
Though we are many, we are all the same when it comes to our dedication to the battles waged on Saturday (and Thursday for the less fortunate among us). We beseech you for wisdom in these matters and humility when great warriors fail to satisfy our worldly needs (dang unwashed hoards from the land of Bamah). Please absolve us.
Amen
Comment by hlh — October 15, 2008 @ 8:40 pm
341
Justin (Maryland)
-Every time UMD fans yell OOOOO during the national anthem, I want to burn the entire state to the ground.
-Maryland has absolutely no rivals in Football and I really could give two shits about every other team in the ACC during football season.
-I think its pretty telling that our best returning linebacker decided to become a Maryland State Police Officer instead of return for his senior season. Because the F’n state police couldn’t wait?
-We can’t even recruit well enough to be perenially relevant in the fucking ACC.
God I hate my team.
Comment by Justin — October 15, 2008 @ 8:18 pm