HERE’S THE DEAL, SIR.
Redshirt junior punter Zoltan Mesko said Rodriguez made a comparison that put the Wolverines� struggles in perspective.
�It�s not life or death,� Mesko said. �It�s not like you have a kid that�s terminally ill. I�d rather to have this than be 6-0 and have the kid that�s terminally ill. That�s got to be a tough situation, but you�ve got to look at it. It could be worse.�
GOD: COACH RICH RODRIGUEZ. HEAR MY VOICE AND TREMBLE.
Rich Rodriguez: God! What’s up?
GOD: I HAVE A PROPOSAL TO TEST YOU. IT’S THIS THING I DO EVERY NOW AND THEN.
Rich Rodriguez: I’m not going to Clemson.
GOD: DUH. GOD, DUDE. GOD TALKING HERE.
RR: Yes. I’m sorry. Go on.
GOD: THIS IS SEAN. HE IS A CHILD, AND HE IS SICK.
Sean: Hi. (cough.)
GOD: YOU FACE A CHOICE. YOU MAY EITHER HEAL THIS CHILD, OR YOU MAY AWARDED AN UNDEFEATED RECORD ON THE SEASON, INCLUDING A VICTORY AGAINST TOLEDO. AGAIN: THIS…
Sean: Wheee! I’m healthy on my sweet bike WHEEEEEEEEE!!!
GOD: …OR YOU ARE UNDEFEATED AND LITTLE SEAN HERE COMES TO SEE ME FOR A PERMANENT VISIT EARLIER THAN HE OR HIS FAMILY MIGHT HAVE PLANNED.
RR: No disrespect God, but…isn’t that a little unfair?
GOD: IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.
RR: Gimme a minute.
This image was that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Bravo.
Sean: Coach! Please! (cough)
GOD: MY SMITING STICK IS GETTING ITCHY.
RR: Ummm…
This image was also that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Again: bravo.
Sean: (cough)
TOLEDO: WE WON A FOOTBALL MATCH TOUCHDOWN POINT GAME!!!!
RR: Well, really, um…aren’t we all terminal cases in the end?
GOD: SOMEONE’S BEEN READING JOHN IRVING.
Finally, this image was again that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Bravo, thrice.
Sean: You (cough) asshole! World According to Garp sucks as much as your offense! GO (cough) BUCKEYES (cough)!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

















1
Limedust says:
That’s right, Doug Flutie! Better to be the laughing stock of Div 1A football than to be you!
October 14th, 2008 at 10:21 am
2
DevilGrad says:
And the hell of it is that I’ve got Toledo guys telling me that if ‘Stutz doesn’t turn it around in MAC play, he’s still a goner at the end of the season, even with the win at Ann Arbor.
(Meanwhile, UT’s ability to close out what Miami could not only deepens the gloom in Oxford, Ohio.)
October 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am
3
Michigan Gator says:
Clap…. clap…. clap….. clapclapclapclap….. thunderous ovation…..
October 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am
4
Bunkie Perkins says:
Not for nothing, that is a pretty sweet bike.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
5
Noel Devine's Gold Teef says:
Limedust:
You, sir, are an asshole. Punch your ticket, dick-wad.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
6
Sacked says:
Excellent work.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:30 am
7
Zone Left says:
Is it wrong that I wanted the undefeated season?
October 14th, 2008 at 10:32 am
8
EufaulaPete says:
You, sir, are on a roll. I didn’t think you could top yesterdays ode to CTB, but I stand corrected. I can hardly wait til tomorrow to see what that beautiful mind of yours can conjour up. Where does your creativity and warped sense of morality come from? 100+ cocktails. I bow in the presence of greatness.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am
9
Whetstonebuck says:
I’m not sure what’s worse: Your schizophrenic understanding of God or the fact that I laughed uncontrollably. I’m so ashamed.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:35 am
10
Orson Swindle says:
Please note that according to the schedule above, which God is on duty on Saturdays? Crazy Old Testament God, that’s who.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:37 am
11
MaconDawg says:
I’m not a doctor or anything, but perhaps if your smiting stick is getting itchy you should get that looked at . . .
October 14th, 2008 at 10:39 am
12
vegas_buckeye says:
obligatory: “Always look on the bright side of life.”
/whistling
October 14th, 2008 at 10:42 am
13
DevilGrad says:
Several thousand years of tradition suggest that crazy, Old Testament God is in charge of Saturdays even without looking at the schedule.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:46 am
14
hlh says:
Is Zoltan the punter, from the same village as Roger the shruber?
October 14th, 2008 at 10:49 am
15
WhiteSpeedReceiver says:
Bravo, Orson. I’m just surprised that RR didn’t choose the wins.
#10- I always figured God took fall saturdays off to watch college football. He probably leaves Murphy in charge.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:55 am
16
austin dave says:
@15–Sean flatlines. RR is bowl bound!
October 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am
17
Tricky Dick says:
Why can’t God just ask for some Shrubbery? Or maybe the holy hand grenade of Antioch? Why does he have to make it a choice between Timmy and Wins? I am glad for Ohio State that Dick Rod is a merciful soul!
October 14th, 2008 at 11:25 am
18
socalbryan says:
does this mean that when a michigan player thanks god for his performance in a big win, that he really is thanking god?
October 14th, 2008 at 11:28 am
19
Biggus Rickus says:
Crazy Old Testament God is a lot more entertaining than Hippie New Testament God. I think this explains why college football is so much better than the NFL.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:36 am
20
WarCardinals says:
Aren’t we all just terminal cases. Classic.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
21
4.0 Point Stance says:
Old Testament God was in full force this Saturday night, and his name was Tim Tebow.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
22
Reggie Bush's Impala says:
Genius, pure genius.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
23
OhioDawg says:
Many thanks to Zoltan for making it absolutely clear that Michigan will lower the academic bar along with everyone else.
Because as bad as one terminal kid would suck, just think of two. And then, think of two terminal kids and a starving rat in a box tied to your face. And then think of…
October 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
24
mgoblue says:
Outstanding.
Except as a Michigan fan, nothing about this year is funny. Except this is funny.
Looking forward to 2010 season.
October 14th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
25
poguemahone says:
“IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.” is now my facebook status for no particular reason
October 14th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
26
InsaneCoachPosse says:
Orson, is it possible your best work in a while is coming out because FLA had a big win this past weekend, and you are bathing in your own ego stew?
Lord knows Holly has been in hers since Saturday
October 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
27
Holly says:
Wait, how’d I get dragged into this again? My very bad football team lost very badly.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
28
croc says:
Orson, another classic!
October 14th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
29
Crabapple Buck says:
Either Orson is a closet tOSU fan, or he is like the rest of us and just enjoys Michigan wallowing in misery. I think both.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
30
Dave says:
Holly, with all do respect, your football team is only sort-of bad. My Syracuse Orange are very bad. Why, I think you’ve actually beat some division I-A teams this year.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
31
montani semper liberi says:
The Product should have asked God to let Sean play for Michigan…little Sean has to be better than the losers they have now or maybe he could have pleaded for God to send Sean to WVU where he could replace the loser coach we have now.
October 14th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
32
allaha says:
Brilliant and hysterical.
The Irving reference is excellent, and — ’tis being the season — the last photo and comment are Nobel worthy.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
33
Yukon Cornelius says:
“Either Orson is a closet tOSU fan…”
I’m pretty sure all tOSU fans are in the closet.*
*You’re all gay.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:13 am
34
Mike Hart's Bicycle says:
In any case DickRod better get used to Granite dust, it’ll be back to the Meany Quarry in New Hampshire after 2 years of this crap! Go Green!
October 15th, 2008 at 8:39 am
35
NCT says:
I THINK I KNOW WHY MICHIGAN RECEIVERS COULD BARELY CATCH HALF OF PASSES THROWN.
meh. The inspiration was there. I question my execution.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:09 am