HERE'S THE DEAL, SIR.

by Orson on Oct 14, 2008 11:17 AM EDT

Redshirt junior punter Zoltan Mesko said Rodriguez made a comparison that put the Wolverines� struggles in perspective.

�It�s not life or death,� Mesko said. �It�s not like you have a kid that�s terminally ill. I�d rather to have this than be 6-0 and have the kid that�s terminally ill. That�s got to be a tough situation, but you�ve got to look at it. It could be worse.�

GOD: COACH RICH RODRIGUEZ. HEAR MY VOICE AND TREMBLE.

Rich Rodriguez: God! What's up?

GOD: I HAVE A PROPOSAL TO TEST YOU. IT'S THIS THING I DO EVERY NOW AND THEN.

Rich Rodriguez: I'm not going to Clemson.

GOD: DUH. GOD, DUDE. GOD TALKING HERE.

RR: Yes. I'm sorry. Go on.

GOD: THIS IS SEAN. HE IS A CHILD, AND HE IS SICK.

Sean: Hi. (cough.)

GOD: YOU FACE A CHOICE. YOU MAY EITHER HEAL THIS CHILD, OR YOU MAY AWARDED AN UNDEFEATED RECORD ON THE SEASON, INCLUDING A VICTORY AGAINST TOLEDO. AGAIN: THIS...

Sean: Wheee! I'm healthy on my sweet bike WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

GOD: ...OR YOU ARE UNDEFEATED AND LITTLE SEAN HERE COMES TO SEE ME FOR A PERMANENT VISIT EARLIER THAN HE OR HIS FAMILY MIGHT HAVE PLANNED.

RR: No disrespect God, but...isn't that a little unfair?

GOD: IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.

RR: Gimme a minute.

This image was that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Bravo.

Sean: Coach! Please! (cough)

GOD: MY SMITING STICK IS GETTING ITCHY.

RR: Ummm...

This image was also that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Again: bravo.

Sean: (cough)

TOLEDO: WE WON A FOOTBALL MATCH TOUCHDOWN POINT GAME!!!!

RR: Well, really, um...aren't we all terminal cases in the end?

GOD: SOMEONE'S BEEN READING JOHN IRVING.

Finally, this image was again that of a small, sickly child. But it has been removed at the request of the owner, who has saved the world from having anyone look at their otherwise obscure image of a small, sickly child. Bravo, thrice.

Sean: You (cough) asshole! World According to Garp sucks as much as your offense! GO (cough) BUCKEYES (cough)!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

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Comments

That’s right, Doug Flutie! Better to be the laughing stock of Div 1A football than to be you!

by Limedust on Oct 14, 2008 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

And the hell of it is that I’ve got Toledo guys telling me that if ‘Stutz doesn’t turn it around in MAC play, he’s still a goner at the end of the season, even with the win at Ann Arbor.

(Meanwhile, UT’s ability to close out what Miami could not only deepens the gloom in Oxford, Ohio.)

by DevilGrad on Oct 14, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

Clap…. clap…. clap….. clapclapclapclap….. thunderous ovation…..

by Michigan Gator on Oct 14, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

Not for nothing, that is a pretty sweet bike.

by Bunkie Perkins on Oct 14, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

Limedust:

You, sir, are an asshole. Punch your ticket, dick-wad.

by Noel Devine's Gold Teef on Oct 14, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

Excellent work.

by Sacked on Oct 14, 2008 11:30 AM EDT reply actions

Is it wrong that I wanted the undefeated season?

by Zone Left on Oct 14, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

You, sir, are on a roll. I didn’t think you could top yesterdays ode to CTB, but I stand corrected. I can hardly wait til tomorrow to see what that beautiful mind of yours can conjour up. Where does your creativity and warped sense of morality come from? 100+ cocktails. I bow in the presence of greatness.

by EufaulaPete on Oct 14, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

I’m not sure what’s worse: Your schizophrenic understanding of God or the fact that I laughed uncontrollably. I’m so ashamed.

by Whetstonebuck on Oct 14, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

Please note that according to the schedule above, which God is on duty on Saturdays? Crazy Old Testament God, that’s who.

by Orson Swindle on Oct 14, 2008 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

I’m not a doctor or anything, but perhaps if your smiting stick is getting itchy you should get that looked at . . .

by MaconDawg on Oct 14, 2008 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

obligatory: “Always look on the bright side of life.”

/whistling

by vegas_buckeye on Oct 14, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

Several thousand years of tradition suggest that crazy, Old Testament God is in charge of Saturdays even without looking at the schedule.

by DevilGrad on Oct 14, 2008 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

Is Zoltan the punter, from the same village as Roger the shruber?

by hlh on Oct 14, 2008 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

Bravo, Orson. I’m just surprised that RR didn’t choose the wins.

I always figured God took fall saturdays off to watch college football. He probably leaves Murphy in charge.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Oct 14, 2008 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

@15—Sean flatlines. RR is bowl bound!

by austin dave on Oct 14, 2008 12:12 PM EDT reply actions

Why can’t God just ask for some Shrubbery? Or maybe the holy hand grenade of Antioch? Why does he have to make it a choice between Timmy and Wins? I am glad for Ohio State that Dick Rod is a merciful soul!

by Tricky Dick on Oct 14, 2008 12:25 PM EDT reply actions

does this mean that when a michigan player thanks god for his performance in a big win, that he really is thanking god?

by socalbryan on Oct 14, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

Crazy Old Testament God is a lot more entertaining than Hippie New Testament God. I think this explains why college football is so much better than the NFL.

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 14, 2008 12:36 PM EDT reply actions

Aren’t we all just terminal cases. Classic.

by WarCardinals on Oct 14, 2008 1:01 PM EDT reply actions

Old Testament God was in full force this Saturday night, and his name was Tim Tebow.

by 4.0 Point Stance on Oct 14, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

Genius, pure genius.

by Reggie Bush's Impala on Oct 14, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

Many thanks to Zoltan for making it absolutely clear that Michigan will lower the academic bar along with everyone else.

Because as bad as one terminal kid would suck, just think of two. And then, think of two terminal kids and a starving rat in a box tied to your face. And then think of…

by OhioDawg on Oct 14, 2008 1:13 PM EDT reply actions

Outstanding.

Except as a Michigan fan, nothing about this year is funny. Except this is funny.

Looking forward to 2010 season.

by mgoblue on Oct 14, 2008 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

“IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.” is now my facebook status for no particular reason

by poguemahone on Oct 14, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, is it possible your best work in a while is coming out because FLA had a big win this past weekend, and you are bathing in your own ego stew?

Lord knows Holly has been in hers since Saturday

by InsaneCoachPosse on Oct 14, 2008 2:40 PM EDT reply actions

Wait, how’d I get dragged into this again? My very bad football team lost very badly.

by Holly on Oct 14, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, another classic!

by croc on Oct 14, 2008 4:36 PM EDT reply actions

Either Orson is a closet tOSU fan, or he is like the rest of us and just enjoys Michigan wallowing in misery. I think both.

by Crabapple Buck on Oct 14, 2008 5:20 PM EDT reply actions

Holly, with all do respect, your football team is only sort-of bad. My Syracuse Orange are very bad. Why, I think you’ve actually beat some division I-A teams this year.

by Dave on Oct 14, 2008 6:42 PM EDT reply actions

The Product should have asked God to let Sean play for Michigan…little Sean has to be better than the losers they have now or maybe he could have pleaded for God to send Sean to WVU where he could replace the loser coach we have now.

by montani semper liberi on Oct 14, 2008 9:24 PM EDT reply actions