EDSBS LIVE: FAT WHITE GUY EDITION
EDSBS Live: Tonight! Our guest! Fat white guy and UConn defensive tackle Rob Lunn! Doing this with the entire blessing of his athletic department! Listen here at 9:00 p.m. EDT.
October 13, 2008
FURTHER FREEKERY: URBAN DOES NOT CHECK HIS MIRROR
Still more genius from Freek:
The worst loss in the Hat’s tenure. We’re still sort of shocked that Charles Scott and LSU’s defensive line got so little against the Florida defense; visions of him storming through Florida’s line and eating whole fried turkeys in celebration of the Gators’ decimation had us losing sleep last week.
PHAN-TOMMY OF THE OPERA
A darkened stage. One spotlight illuminates the darkness. Tinkly piano music begins to waft up from the orchestra pit.
TOMMY BOWDEN:
Momma…just killed a team
Took a championship squad
Lost to Bama, shot my wad…
Momma….the season’s just beguuuun…
But now I’ve gone and throooown it aaaaallll awaaaay…
Mommaaa—-
SKEERRREEEEECHHHHHH!!!! (more…)
BOWDEN, R.I.P. AT CLEMSON
Tommy Bowden, out at Clemson: film at eleven, etc, but TigerIllustrated is reporting it like it’s done, meaning they must have resolved the issue of his $4 million dollar buyout. Dabo Swinney would be the interim coach in the meantime, and with a name like that, you are always the interim coach, and never the coach.
The fail is up to here, which means I’m fired.
Update: This is, according to Joe Schad, the text Cullen Harper sent him:
I just found out. It’s what he deserves. Dabo Swinney is good man who will do a good job.”
Knives out, Cullen. Knives out! The Tommy Bowden Death Index has been appropriately updated, but damn, damn, damn: this doesn’t seem to be difficult for anyone at Clemson, does it? Also, if you want a particular blogspot address it should be available shortly.
PUDDING POPS, FULL OF VITAMIN DAMN
Lendy Holmes: Man, that shit smells good. After the game I’m gonna have to go over there and have some of that. They fry everything over there: sno-balls, bacon, beef, bacon, bacon-fried bacon, cell phones, trenchcoats, truth, pig heads, ballpoint pens. I don’t even know if I’d even eat a batter-fried cell phone, but if I had to eat a cell phone, that’s how I’d do it.
Hey, play’s coming this way. Shit. Shipley? I thought these guys all played for Iowa. Maybe he’s just a black dude covered in white shoe polish. That’s gotta be it. I gotta get over here and tackle this dude, just one sec—
Quan Cosby: PUDDING POPS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Lendy Holmes: (sees batter-covered cellphones circling above him in the azure Dallas sky.)
CURIOUS INDEX, 10/13/08
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OR NOT! In the Alphabetical this week are extremely inaccurate predictions about how the voters would handle Alabama’s bye week, a tribute to the JV Steve Smith who made ‘Q’ easy this week, a spam quesadilla, Mike Leach’s tribute to Sharon Stone… “it was sorta like Sharon Stone said after a movie she made…no guts no glory”… …and your reminder that a scrimmaging Georgia Tech team nearly got taken to overtime by Gardner-Webb, a school so small it needs a hyphen just to get by in this harsh world. Since we can’t find their fight song, “Academy Fight Song” by Mission of Burma will have to do. If there’s one thing to remember here, it’s this: I’m not judging you, I’m judging me. Fuck yeah! Some fans had issues with the additional seating added to the Cotton Bowl for the Red River Gunplay Involving Massive Blood Loss, Genocide, and Other Nasty Side Effects From Being Perforated By Flying Metal–namely, their asses were self-admittedly too fat to fit in the seats. The Texarkana resident admitted that Fair Park’s revamped Cotton Bowl was “pretty,” but said the 16,000 additional seats not only made it difficult to see, but also to breathe. “It’s too tight to sit down,” she said. “Come on, this is America. We aren’t little people. We are fat.” I’m not judging you, I’m judging me. The role of linemen tonight shall be played by a freshman. Tony Barnhart thinks Georgia’s eating its own ambitions with penalties, Blutarsky thinks this is crap, and we’re inclined to agree since a lot of really good teams rack up huge penalty yards on the way to obliterating lesser teams. (Or while your dapper linebacker demonstrates his punting skills after returning an interception for a touchdown.) Georgia has larger issues, however: they’re down to their fourth-string left tackle, and as awesome has Stacey Searels has been at plugging and playing with different offensive linemen, this has to add up sometime to a net loss in performance. Ten unbeatens left. Yes, yes: This will all turn out well. Consider that the same article suggests that a Josh Freeman performance was “Heisman-worthy,” and then reapply salt of skepticism. Auburn needs to pick a qb, and…um…whaaa? That’s how you write a headline, folks. |
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