MIKE LEACH ROLLS HIS 20-SIDED BONES
by Orson on Oct 9, 2008 12:05 PM EDT
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Your football is your dagger. Your arrow is your jockstrap.You are not shocked that Mike Leach has a deep understanding of every subject known to man. He understands the proper use of cyanide gases in mining, the role the Asian Marmot played in the spread of the bubonic plague, and can lecture you at length on the complex barter systems used by the Maya in building their relatively modest but intricate Central American empire. He also may do this over the phone while defecating or ordering fast food (but hopefully not both.)
Therefore, you cannot and should not be surprised that Leach not only has a deep understanding of elves, but has imparted this knowledge into his playbook and by extension, his continually baffled players.
"He calls me the evil elf because he has all these different things; elves are small; they're generally pretty mean and they corner well," Morris said. "They're good with a dagger; he goes on and on about how elves have different traits, and he thinks that I fit the traits of an elf. He thinks that I do well with the football in my hands and calls the football my dagger."
We don't know if this is true, but we'll say it because it might be true: Mike Leach wrote most of the text and updated rules for Dungeons and Dragons: Demonweb 5 And if he didn't, you can make damn sure he's working on the revised edition of the Dungeonmaster's Handbook due out this spring.
He deserves points for not just referring to it as the "WildRaider" or whatever other use of "Wild-" as a prefix you care to slap in front of your team's name to denote the Wildcat formation where you take your most talented, slippery players, put them in the shotgun, and then just see what happens. He also deserves a 2D+CHARISMA MODIFIER for actually putting a little picture of an elf in the playbook, which he actually did because he is Mike Leach, this is his quest, and if you don't like the way he's running it then you can take your carefully sculpted Mage figurine and head home, okay?
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Leach is too awesome.
My favorite coach in the country by a wide margin.
by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 9, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
This is unbelievable. I was totally stocked to run my D&D campaign, but if the Dread Pirate Leach wrote the rules, I don’t want my timbers shivered by any high sailing elves. I best be staying to the friendly confines of 3rd Edition.
by blackertai on Oct 9, 2008 12:29 PM EDT reply actions
My wife gave me the Samuel L. Jackson BMF lightsaber as a surprise wedding present. I once described my thoughts on system administration as “lawful neutral” in a job interview. Even I think Mike Leach is a paste-eating nerd.
by Vandy J on Oct 9, 2008 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
How is this man able to recruit??
“Verily squire – we need you in our secondary to complete our mythic quest!”
Does his playbook come leatherbound and require a special amulet to access the special teams plays?
Actually – that sounds pretty cool. Better than helmet stickers.
by Ryno on Oct 9, 2008 12:52 PM EDT reply actions
@1 – if by “awesome” you mean certifiable, then yep.
I love him, too.
by GamecockTony on Oct 9, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
I want to rename my team to “Fire” just so we can run the “WildFire” offense!!!!
by InsaneCoachPosse on Oct 9, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
ICP: You realize that the horse dies in the middle of the song right? That’s why she’s yelling out “Wiiiiiiilllldddfiiiiirreeee!”
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 9, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
Other things that would not surprise me Re: Mike Leach
1) Designing a biomass-to-fuel converter for his RV.
2) Wearing a cape on the sidelines during a conference game.
3) Bringing his gimp to the mid-week press conference.
4) Applying Combinatorial Group Theory to get Michael Crabtree in a one-on-one situation against the opposing deep-snapper.
5) Wearing a luchadore mask to homecoming.
6) Winning the election for Lubbock Country Sheriff this November.
by CincySooner on Oct 9, 2008 1:25 PM EDT reply actions
The THACO is strong with this one. If he rolls a natural 20, Michael Crabtree gets to use his sticky fingers ability more than twice a turn. That’s a deal breaker for most GMs, as it’s just totally unbalanced. Wizards of the Coast needs to take some serious measures to reign in this rouge DM.
by blackertai on Oct 9, 2008 1:30 PM EDT reply actions
Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Mike Leach is a LARP’er. Wouldn’t shock me actually, now that I think about it….
BTW, Natural 20? That’s how I roll.
by Xaryn on Oct 9, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions
#7:
“Wildfire” Tommy Rich requests that you not commit gimmick infringement.
by fresh on Oct 9, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions
No wonder the offense works like a charm- all those elves with the pointy ears pick up the audible so well.
by Flatlander on Oct 9, 2008 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
It’s dungeon master’s guide, not dungeonmaster’s handbook. And you don’t roll “2D” your roll 2D(number of sides for the die)". Dork.
Also: I am now a retroactive virgin.
by poguemahone on Oct 9, 2008 2:38 PM EDT reply actions
It’s shit like this that makes it impossible not to like Cap’n Leach.
by Rob on Oct 9, 2008 8:17 PM EDT reply actions
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