FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: CLEMSON AT WAKE FOREST
by Orson on Oct 9, 2008 4:27 PM EDT
Email
PrintWelcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Clemson at Wake Forest. No matter how this happens, this game is conveniently prepackaged to reinforce of any your chosen prejudices about the ACC. Close game? Shitty ACC offenses! Blowout? Further proof that [insert losing coach] is an overrated paycheck-stealing stuffed shirt! Shootout? See how inconsistent this conference is!
It's an Escher drawing no matter how you look at it: inscrutable, meaningless, and will likely give you a headache. It's also on tonight, meaning you will watch it.
Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. Well, gakked straight from the Clemson Football team's website comes this extraordinarily interesting tidbit:
Clemson owns 56 wins over Wake Forest in history, its second highest victory total over any opponent. Clemson has 63 wins over South Carolina.
Gamecocks fans, you're welcome. Over the past five years Clemson has gone 3-2 against Wake, including a 1-2 record against them at BB&T Field, officially the most antiseptic name of any stadium in the known college universe. If they try to bully the Wakesters around tonight at home, they might find themselves overdrawn with no chance for bailout! Topical humor! Get Leno on the phone he's gonna LOVE this one!
The Nebulous State of Dubious Statistical Validity for Wake Forest: Six, the number of turnovers Wake had two weeks ago against Navy, and an aberration that still left them with the fifth best TO margin in the nation. Grobe sexy, that is, as is a defense that can be devilishly hard to read at times thanks to the Demon Deacons continued use of zone blitzes, fancy binders for their book reports, really nice business cards, and every other possible little edge they care to take in the effort to remain competitive at their size. They have a credit for 42 cents at this casino, and they'd like to use it.
Advantage: Wake Forest, thanks to Clemson being generous with the ball. (79th in the nation in TO margin.)
: Wake Forest: You've been factor'd!
Category Two: Mascot:
You can't tell, right you can't tell right COOOL that's good lemme tell you how we're gonna do this we're gonna put on some music and call my friends and we're just gonna rage that's right we're gonna RAGE and if we have to we have Steve's number and we'll just call him and get some more hey have you seen Underworld it's unreal vampires are awesome I feel so STRONG on this shit is my nose bleeding OH SHIT MY NOSE IS BLEEDING
Advantage: Clemson.
Clemson, you've been factor'd!
Category Three: Aura. Clemson really, really needs this game to maintain some semblance of competitive edge in the ACC. Even factoring in the powerful Tommy Bowden Bitch Mentality, this means they should, according to the script, begin their comeback toward an 8 win season, forcing Clemson to embrace the meh and re-up with Bowden, who will dampen expectations, then succeed beyond them, and thus prolonging Clemson's turn on the Wheel of Life with Bobby Bowden and keeping them from a hypothetical trip to coaching nirvana.
Advantage: Clemson.
Clemson, You've Been Factor'd!
Category Four: Names. Wake Forest has a guy named "Junior Petit-Jean", which loosely translates to "Little John, Jr." Aw, look! He has his own pimp cup!
Advantage: Wake Forest
Wake Forest, You've Been Factor'd!
Grudges? Scores to settle? Sheer cussedness? Wake Forest are far too tasteful to hold grudges. Rather, they shall pip away and give one for the Black and Yellow, yes they will! Clemson, meanwhile, beat them 41-10 last year, so grudgery doesn't really apply here, but again: they really, really need this game.
Clemson, you've been factor'd!
EDSBS FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW SUM: Clemson, You've Been Factor'd! Reminder: THIS MEANS BET ON THE OTHER TEAM.
25 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
You forgot about Coop, therefore I see it as a push.
by hlh on Oct 9, 2008 4:34 PM EDT reply actions
Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Vandy, Iowa.
Good year to bet schools with proud acadmic histories, outstanding sucess on the field, a history of off the field behavior that would bring great pride to their institutions and the color gold in their uniform.
by Ryno on Oct 9, 2008 4:37 PM EDT reply actions
I love the Clemson Tigers! They’re Grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Why isn’t their mascot eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes?
by Mark D on Oct 9, 2008 4:55 PM EDT reply actions
ummm…#2
“Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Vandy, Iowa”
regarding proud academic histories, one of these things is not like the other…
by CincySooner on Oct 9, 2008 5:03 PM EDT reply actions
Well it worked for us:
“Because Fuck Clemson, thats why!”
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 9, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
Because Fuck Clemson, thats why!
If there was one thing I was gonna get right this year (and it appears there was only one), I’m glad it was that one.
by Holly on Oct 9, 2008 5:38 PM EDT reply actions
Down here they call Clemson “Auburn with a lake,” and I have always thought Tommy T and Tommy B favored each other a bit.
Therefore I’m taking Wake for all they’re worth to f Clemson in the a.
by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 9, 2008 5:45 PM EDT reply actions
Because Fuck Clemson, thats why!
I am a methhed up Gamecock fan and I approve of this message
by robert on Oct 9, 2008 7:26 PM EDT reply actions
Clemson loses the games they should win and wins the games they should lose. So, I’m picking Clemson.
by John on Oct 9, 2008 7:54 PM EDT reply actions
Man I am really trying to watch this version of football called the “ACC”……I am really struggling here and torn not to switch it over to “Life on Mars”…..Michael Imperoli is rockin a sweet 70’s ’stache in this show……plus Harvey Keitel is in it….
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 9, 2008 9:47 PM EDT reply actions
no live blog?? been saving up my bon mots all day…
by Bob Barker on Oct 9, 2008 10:03 PM EDT reply actions
ACC football is so craptastic, I just cannot stop watching it.
by BocaHuskyUWowl on Oct 9, 2008 10:41 PM EDT reply actions
That was like four quarters of constant stroke.
by Orson Swindle on Oct 9, 2008 10:59 PM EDT reply actions
Well, looks like the Bitch Mentality wins out by losing everytime…..Do ya think he will call Grobe after this loss? Can we call Tommy “embattled” or “much maligned”? I think we can call him fired….. I wonder if Tommy and Papa Bowden have the same relationship that Jackie Gleason and his goofy son had in “Smokey and the Bandit”? This would be the time Bobby would call Tommy and tell him “remind me to slap yo mamma when we get back home”…..
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 9, 2008 11:07 PM EDT reply actions
The third quarter made my eyes cross and shed two small tears of blood. I am not sorry that I gave up before seeing Riley “and his little” Skinner lead an OMZZzzzzz come from behind victory.
by DC Trojan on Oct 9, 2008 11:18 PM EDT reply actions
Man, the Factor 5 really is effective at picking the loser.
I mean, picking against the factor, you’re, what, 5-1?
by Not You on Oct 10, 2008 6:24 AM EDT reply actions
Coop, if i were you I’d call George Bennett and ask for a refund of my IPTAY dues.
by yoyofutbawl on Oct 10, 2008 8:14 AM EDT reply actions
TBBM was in full effect last night. Some Clemson fans behind me were calling for him to be fired AT HALFTIME. They also predicted 95% of Clemson’s offensive plays, so whoever’s OC needs to polish his resume out too.
by winstongator on Oct 10, 2008 8:16 AM EDT reply actions
@ 21
Ha, it has been this kind of year. Regardless, last night was the final nail in the coffn for Tommy. Good man, graduates his players, kids stay out of trouble for the most part…
and now on to Muschamp. Feelers have already been put out, from what I understand. There is interest on his side, just as he has interest in the soon to be vacant Tennessee job.j
Hopefully we can rent him for a few years until Richt decides he wants to be a missionary or Tubbs has enough of Auburn.
by Coop on Oct 10, 2008 8:43 AM EDT reply actions
Auburn may well have enough of Tuberville before he’s had enough of them. He’s out of coordinators…er, cover… and I doubt he’s exchanging Christmas cards with Bobby Lowder, et al.
by The Tusk on Oct 10, 2008 1:23 PM EDT reply actions
That Clemson mascot looks like a Cat on Crack!
by Obi's Sister on Oct 10, 2008 4:05 PM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
