ALL YOU NEED IS GRUB
The constant use of fat jokes is really a pitiful crutch in the humor department. Half of all Americans are overweight, and thus make a facile target for the would-be junior varsity satirists of our nation. Really, how funny is it to point out something that shortens lives, lowers the quality of living for millions, and poses a grave threat to the integrity of our national health care systems, both private and public?
Really: how fair is it to mock a coach simply because their metabolism runs at a rate which, in another date and time, was actually an evolutionary advantage? Is it fair to make cheap comedic hash out of people who have become Darwin’s unwitting laughing stocks due to the caprices of fate and commercial farming practices? Is it fair, nay—is it even humane to do so?
LSUFreek has considered the question deeply, and has his thoughtful response and apology for years of fat jokes on this site. It is moving. It is challenging. It is necessary, and it is about time.
Normally scheduled fat-jokes will now resume with regularity and ferocity. Apologies. If you can get the vision of Phil Fulmer pulling beef tongue out of a cow’s head out of your brain, you have a more disciplined air traffic controller in your cerebral cortex than we’ve ever had.









1
beast in 'bama says:
It’s Tas-ty Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
October 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am
2
dudis41 says:
I have no words…
October 9th, 2008 at 9:46 am
3
meatybob says:
I will say this, fat people (and smokers) tend to be way, way more interesting that those who obsess over their health. Sure, you’ll live to 100, but when half of it is on a treadmill, what kind of personality are you going to have?
So I salute ye Mangino, Weis, the Maryland coach guy, and the Kool Aid man.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:53 am
4
Great Caesar's Ghost says:
Not sure what makes me happier…the usage of a Beatles song, or the beef tongue?
Whatever…genius as usual, Freek. Glad you’re on my side!
October 9th, 2008 at 9:53 am
5
Biggus Rickus says:
Those guys are bigger than Jesus.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:58 am
6
AllWhoYonder says:
Okay, I guess it’s time for lunch now. Anybody else have a hankering for brisket?
October 9th, 2008 at 10:16 am
7
austiger says:
LSUFreek is a genius, and not just for being an LSU fan.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:20 am
8
GamecockTony says:
@MeatyBob – Amen. But, don’t forget those of us who are skinny, yet still drink and smoke. We are charming, too.
/lights up Marlboro
October 9th, 2008 at 10:34 am
9
NativeSon says:
Freek, as well-executed and entertaining as that was, I must admit I was hoping to see the Weis/ Pie-Matrix clip. That’s still my favorite and cracks me up every time.
Again – well done!!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am
10
Crabapple Buck says:
LSUFreek is a genius and should be in the CFB Hall of Fame for his ‘body’ of work. Also props for including the portly Tom Amstutz of Toledo. He is the forgotten one. When Kansas played Toledo last year I kept wondering if all of the “all you can eat” troughs/joints were closed that week.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:58 am
11
Yossarian says:
This is goddamn magical…
October 9th, 2008 at 11:02 am
12
Techie says:
Heh, when Ralph left Atlanta, The Varsity had to lay off 5 employees.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:43 am
13
Dave says:
Actually, it’s the normals who threaten healthcare. Fat people who pay their premiums and die suddenly at 45 cost a hell of a lot less than some wheatgerm-gobbling yuppie who will wring decades of subsidized drugs and gerontological care out of the system.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:53 am
14
TeeBoy says:
I’ve been waiting patiently for Freek’s take on the RJF / Teebow back and forth. I need to see the Freek representin them Tigahs!
October 9th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
15
Touchdown74 says:
One question: Why isn’t LSUFreek running for President?!?! He gets my vote!
LSUFreek in ‘08!!!
October 9th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
16
InsaneCoachPosse says:
If we could just focus the imagination and magical powers of LSUfreek on Iraq we would have our troops out in in a month
please publish a fark with BinLaden hugging a pigskin… but do it anonymously
October 9th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
17
TJ says:
#5 – Well done, sir.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
18
Eternal Pessimist says:
I haven’t seen several of these by Freek. The Lou Holtz/Charlie Weis I beat anorexia was fucking fantastic.
October 9th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
19
DawgBoy83 says:
I worked-off 200 calories and extended my life-span by six weeks just from the laughter…thanks LSUFreek
October 9th, 2008 at 5:49 pm