Sources close to the program, anonymousness, but still: here’s the first report that the Tony Franklin experiment at Auburn ist kaput. More to come as sources get less sketchish, so remember to salt this news accordingly.

Update: Finebaum is reporting that Franklin is indeed fired. In light of this, some recent headlines have been edited to reflect the current situation.

And…update. Official, news-related substance confirmed.

Today’s Mustache Wednesday: Ted Nugent, who can kill you with a bow and have you ready for the grill in under 14 minutes.

You are not prepared for the mind-melting artifice after the jump, but if you wish to proceed anyway, we really can’t stop you from watching the colossal video for Nugent’s masterwork “Heads Will Roll,” which like all great rock songs has the title in the chorus.

You’ve been warned.

(more…)

The Oklahoma/Texas game can make a person deliriously happy. Evidence: Barry Switzer, looking resplendent in what appears to be a chamois sweater.

Blogtoberfest! Because your attention span needs to be shortened.

Bout to turn game into the Quan Cosby Show. For the moment, advantage Texas:

It’s never to early to begin Christmas shopping. Tennessee fans and ideas: they have them.

[REDACTED.] Brian’s breaking down the film of Michigan’s beating by Illinois, and the evidence looks damning, especially when the conclusion is that [NAME REDACTED] outcoached RichRod.

They don’t step on the lines in Belle Glade. Lieutenant Winslow can find a spectacular moment of athleticism in even the most stinging of close losses to Florida State. Those lines are on fire. You can’t step on them. GO.

It’s not that different, except for the lack of scoring. SEC defenses are easy and simple, according to Dave Clawson. The problem comes with scoring on them, which is surprisingly required in the job description. He’s working on that, we swear.

The playbook has been reduced to a convenient pamphlet for you. Tony Franklin continues to pare down the playbook, which is now a fake punt, one zone stretch play, and a bubble screen.

Four losses to unranked opponents. Florida’s lost four games to unranked opponents under Urban Meyer. Les Miles at LSU? One. Blutarsky wonders why the common perception is that Meyer is a better coach than Miles, but the answer’s simple to the misanthrope: normal, average people find interesting people with a penchant for the high side of risk management frightening and disturbing, much in the same way that many people don’t eat at Taco Bell because “it’s too spicy.” Miles is no Chalupa Barn of a coach, but that’s the point exactly: Miles isn’t even that wacky, but instead understands the relative points value on 4th and 1. Math + unconventional thinking= nervous monkeys all around.

Ethnographic arguments are fun: Minnesotans are boring 364 days out of the year because they’re all Scandinavians! (And one day out of the year they get drunk, burn down their houses and run into the woods crying!) New Yorkers are multi-ethnic, and therefore pains in the asses in every single way and ready to slaughter each other at the drop of a hat! Many Louisianans are descended from French settlers, and therefore have a taste for organ meats, are always late, and are huge fans of sex with multiple partners.

Don’t blame me. Blame my Viking heritage.

As this last sentence illustrates, every now and then ethnography might actually be a compelling explanation for a place’s distinct milieu. More often than not, it’s a crutch for hip-pocket analysis of the most windbaggish sort:

In that hierarchal society, the leader of men — the general in battle, the coach in football — is a more paramount figure. Nick Saban at Alabama is Stonewall Jackson, Steve Spurrier at South Carolina is Jeb Stuart. (Can’t be any Robert E. Lee, because Bear Bryant took that with him to the grave.) So, you add the Celtic warrior ethic to the great leader concept and … listen here, y’all got yourself one whale of a football team.

As much as we’d like to see Spurrier with an ostrich plume in his visor, the insistence of anyone above the Mason-Dixon that the reason Southerners–a uniform group with universal motivations, of course–do anything hearkens back to the Plantation economy and some kind of cracked, viral theory of culture is baffling and yet persistent. No real causation, no real data, just the fun kind of connect-the-dots-now-gimme-Ph.D stuff conveniently ignoring football’s rampant popularity elsewhere in the Big 12 and Big Ten.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to finish up this julep and observe the progress on the back forty.

Ohio State seems to be doing what good teams do after getting their heads kicked in early: regrouping, finding their rhythm, retooling with the extremely un-gay Buckeye Pistol formation. (Fullback! GRRR!!!), and otherwise recovering nicely for a stretch run.

Gosh almighty, that’s pungent. Does someone need to dot an ‘i’ in here?

It’s your standard, level-headed Tressel performance, though there’s just some shit a football coach can’t predict or take care of, like say, the shits. OL Steve Rehring, who was supposed to rotate in and see spot duty after missing two games to injury, had a problem with false starts no amount of coaching or scheming could prevent.

“He missed an 11-play drive,” Tressel said. “He had to go to the restroom, and so he probably would have played closer to half of the time, but he missed an 11 and then he missed like a 10 (play drive).”

“Well, there were multiple.”

Hopefully, Rehring didn’t blow a Power O-ring, and will be prepared to assume his proper duties blocking for Mark May’s least favorite player in the universe, Terrelle Pryor. It’s always nice to know that Tressel likes a good shit joke, that Skyline Chili is still fulfilling its role as human Dran-o, and that the Buckeyes are keeping the uncontrollable pants-crapping to the sidelines, and not letting it spread to the field.