CURIOUS INDEX, 10/7/08
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Well, yes, that is true. From the Orlando Sentinel quoting man/manimal Ricky Jean-Francois talking about tackling Tim Tebow: When I talked with Jean-Francois last week, he said his defensive line getting a clean shot on a quarterback like Tim Tebow equates to “a car wreck without a seat belt.” And review what happens in the middle of the line when Mr. Jean-Francois decides that he doesn’t like the play you just called: And we’re over here saying, “My, yes. Whatever you like Mr. Jean-Francois, yes. More blood punch?” (YES MOTHERFUCKER!) “Certainly!” (”YOU PEE SITTING DOWN FROM NOW ON!”) “Quite, yes!” PAC-10 Quarterbacks Suffering Colds and Flu, but like, in their joints. Both Rudy Carpenter and Mark Sanchez are iffy for the Arizona State/USC game this weekend: Sanchez with a bruised bone in his left knee, and Rudy Carpenter with a sprained left ankle. Dennis Erickson says he will not start Carpenter unless he’s “close to 100 percent,” because he’ll be down to the usual state of shock, delirium, and near-death once his offensive line “protects” him for four quarters, and you really don’t want to go into that with anything less than a full tank of survival fuel. Washington State is not liable for any and all maiming suffered. You, too, could play quarterback for Washington State University: just come on down and try out, thanks to injuries, anemic offensive performance thus far, and Paul Wulff’s wacky sense of humor. A walk-on former CFL player will undoubtedly surface, find love in the arms of a young professor, and get a second chance at life on the gridiron after squandering his talent on booze and arrogance the first time. (Call Bruckheimer! Make! This! Happen!) His hate is strong and rising. It’s Hate Week over at BON, and Peter’s picking out elegant coffee table books just for the occasion. Feelings are important: Jeremiah Masoli, Oregon’s quarterback, has feelings, and like all feelings, we respect them, and yet want to shove them deep down with booze, anger, and all the healthy things men do with their rage and sadness. Why? Because saying this like this out loud is pure FAIL: Said Ducks QB Jeremiah Masoli after Oregon’s 44-10 loss to USC: “We feel like we’re the better team.” See? It would have been better if he’d just done what we do: have a cocktail, pass out, and then break down weeping five minutes into the first Disney cartoon that crosses our path later on. Damn you, Dumbo. Damn you to hell. |
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1
Crabapple Buck says:
After Peter rips the leg off of his coffee table to throw it thru the TV Saturday, he can use those books to level it out.
I’m still amazed that RJF was declared eligible for the bowl game. I’m equally amazed he could have been academically ineligible in the first place at LSU.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:36 am
2
them Oklahoma says:
Damn right it’s hate week, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHeXm7t-aAY. Also, I suggest Rhett Bomar for the Wazzu qb job. They deserve each other. As for elegant coffee tables/coffee table books, I plan on wearing a bright red blazer to the game. Top that, SEC (and bowl reps everywhere).
October 7th, 2008 at 8:37 am
3
the croominator says:
Damn you, Dumbo. Damn you to hell.
To be fair, Baby Mine makes me cry like a little bitch. Every. Single. Time.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:47 am
4
spartymike says:
Dear Mr. Masoli,
After losing to another team by 34 points, you forfeit any claim to make statements like that. Even though you were on the road, and SC was out for blood after a humiliating loss. Please cease and desist any attempts to verbalize this issue, even if you (preposterously) actually believe them.
Sincerely,
Common Sense and Decency
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
5
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Whacked Once Too Much Upside the Head Dept:
What Ducks QB Jeremiah Masoli meant to say was that Oregon’s Cheerleaders were better than USC’s Song Girls.
Actually, in the Pac 10, Oregon is the only school that can say that their cheerleaders are better looking than USC’s babes….only if you are just into blondies.
October 7th, 2008 at 8:57 am
6
beast in 'bama says:
Re: The role of WSU QB could go to Vincent Chase… he’s not very busy right now. Benji can wait!
October 7th, 2008 at 9:00 am
7
Harris says:
Strong men also cry, Orson. Strong men cry. I always cry during “Baby Mine,” and again whenever the crows show up, but for entirely different reasons.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:20 am
8
Orson Swindle says:
That dog LOVES those crows.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:23 am
9
DHC says:
Forgive my ignorance, but has this been addressed yet? From the Tennessean …
“KNOXVILLE — Arian Foster snickered.
He sat down and peeled tape off his ankles.
Practice had just ended last week. The Tennessee starting tailback, a senior on the verge of becoming UT’s all-time leading rusher, was requested for media interviews.
He had a demand: whoever interviewed him had to speak Pterodactyl, some made-up dinosaur language. No interview was conducted.
It was kind of funny and it fit Foster’s quirky personality. But considering the environment and Foster’s recent demeanor, it quickly became sad.”
October 7th, 2008 at 9:32 am
10
NativeSon says:
I would normally refer to Geno Hayes from F$U making the same sort of comments prior to last year’s game with them at this point, but considering how the UF O-line is playing this season, I fully expect Tebow to take some punishment this Saturday. Out of the game-caliber punishment? Not even little Ricky can bring down the Baby Rhino.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:43 am
11
okiedomer says:
having watched dumbo last week with my niece, i know where you’re coming from, mr. swindle
as for this week…what are the three things texass is known for?
1. horrible presidents
2. suicidial NFL quarterbacks
3. their annual ocular penetration at the hands of the Sooners
October 7th, 2008 at 9:47 am
12
Brian says:
“Fuck you texas” – a simple tune of hate. Hilarious. Must be tough being from Oklahoma.
Oklahoma is Texas’ Canada.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:50 am
13
Them Oklahoma says:
12-
So texas is to the US as Oklahoma is to Canada? People that are more friendly on the whole, a better economy, a government that isn’t run by a texan (though, to be fair, he’s actually a native of the east coast), and a national sport that features the best locals as well as a bevy of folks from the other country (US) that play up there because it’s better up there. Yeah, I can go with that.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:07 am
14
Megatron Jones says:
@12
“and a national sport that features the best locals as well as a bevy of folks from the other country (US) that play up there because it’s better up there”
Un-American
October 7th, 2008 at 10:19 am
15
okiedomer says:
poor john tyler
if only he hadn’t supported statehood for north mexico, i mean texass, maybe he could’ve run for reelection
it’s kindof sad that texass has the distinction of having their statehood rejected twice before tyler backdoored them into the union as his last act
[/1845historicalsmacklawya]
October 7th, 2008 at 10:24 am
16
Raider Red says:
When was the last time a Canadian team won the Stanley Cup? That’s what I thought.
Save your smack talk for the State Fair, which hopefully will be swallowed whole by the earth on Saturday.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:19 am
17
Nutter says:
@15
Aww, look the little fella from the Indian territory is hating on Texas. Hey, land thief get over it!
Texas joined the union by joint resolution because it was an independent nation, not cast away unwanted land (see Norman, OK). Tyler’s opinion on annexation changed after the election of James K. Polk (the Napoleon of the Stump), who made it a key campaign issue. The annexation of Texas was approved by President Tyler 3 days before Polk took office. Tyler’s failure to be reelected was due to many things, including his lack of support for Texas joining the union. Maybe after BlowU gets that whole rampant incest problem (see the Stoops family) under control you guys can actually get to that illiteracy thing and read a book or learn how to use a calendar.
[/correctingpsuedo1845historicalsmacklawya]
P.S. I love hate week.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:32 am
18
beast in 'bama says:
Isn’t it funny how people from Oklahoma categorize the state of “Texass” as worthless real estate, yet when they need good football players, where do they go?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:38 am
19
Them Oklahoma says:
18-
Actually, the players make the decision. It brings me a great sense of charity for my home state to provide so many young men from texas the opportunity to be champions.
14- Hockey doesn’t count. Like soccer and the ACC, I rarely acknowledge it in either geographical terms or as an idea/concept.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:52 am