ORSON (ATL) Duke @ Georgia Tech, live in BEEEES color
Florida @ Arkansas, televised
HOLLY (L.A.): Duke @ Georgia Tech
Rutgers @ WFV
Kentucky @ Alabama
Florida State @ Miami
Auburn @ Vanderbilt
Texas @ Colorado
N. Illinois @ Tennessee
Hawaii @ Fresno State (this is a great weekend for late-night drunk nap games)
Somali pirates: doing a brisk arms business off the Florida coast. Ever wondered how to fence a tank? Try Tampa, Jacksonville, or Miami to start.
Leave your travel plans and assorted insults below. ‘Til the morrow, sweet readers.
HOLLY, QUASI-RATIONAL: Can the glory that once was West Fuckin’ Virginia beat anyone at all under Bill Stewart’s Ovaltine regime? We’re about to find out, since if any team qualifies as “anyone at all”, it’s the squad we watched FAILstomp themselves against UNC last month. Taking the Mountaineers, out of love and respek more than any hope of seeing competent football being played. Prove me wrong, Pitty Pat.
ORSON, RATIONAL. This is when you just lean back on the Pat White variable and assume that the early season stuttering of the offense was the result of new terminology and playbook aphasia. (Red rooster delta-3 what? Fuck it, man. I’m running.) Don’t think of them like the Mountaineers of the past who blew up in thirty point angerpoints binges, but instead just relegate them to a kind of post-hip replacement Bo Jackson: still immensely talented, but diminished and with a vital part missing from their body replaced with inferior goods.
Oh: and Mike Teel. Mike Teel plays qb for Rutgers.
Jim Tressel was asked about whether the inclusion of Terrelle Pryor at all limited what the Buckeyes could do on offense. The answer, presumably a simple one, instead revealed the soul of a man who both knows his limitations but embraces them as strengths.
“I’m not looking to have the biggest package in the world,” Tressel said. “I’m looking to have the most effective one. Give enough so you apply pressure to the preparation of the defense, but do it well enough so that you’re really applying pressure.”
An assassin like me only needs a dagger, baby.
Remember: winning the Tressel Way means using the most effective package, not the biggest, meaning he never really thought Santonio Holmes was that essential to the offense, and that he’s talking about football…but could be talking about his penis at the same time.
LeSean McCoy was muscular enough–142 yards and 2 TDs, including a charge late for a score that nullified a late USF score to make it 21-20–but the USF offense helped, auto-destructing with penalties and only gaining 245 yards on the night. Not that the USF defense helped late, and considering how well they’re paid to do what they do and all:
“I told the defense when we went out there: This is what we get paid for,” said linebacker Tyrone McKenzie, who had a game-high 15 tackles.
Someone’s getting fired for this. Pitt’s Big East status may indeed be raised slightly by this, but that’s a temporary thing at best given the past erratic trajectories of Wannstache Pitt teams.
They charge Starbucks on free coffee day, too. (At least the non-Mormons do.) Utah fans charged the field after their 31-28 win over Oregon State. Oregon State led 28-20 with 2:18 left, but then read the 2008 Mountain West/Pac-10 Ownership Act and complied with said legislation: four plays, score, run run run time outs, and then game winning field goal drive.
Sliding toward Stephens. The Tennessee qb competition is slouching toward Nick Stephens, or at least that’s what we’d read out of the tea leaves of a “hey, we don’t know who’s gonna start” announcement from the coaching staff. Johnny Majors commented on this by saying “Hrrgnnngghhh,” and falling off his front porch swing awkwardly at 9:15 p.m. He was helped to bed by family members and local press.
You’ll start, but then I’ll pull you, and then start you again. Spurrier’s starting Chris Smelley this Saturday because he’s “better mentally prepared” than Steven Garcia…for an inevitable benching, re-insertion, rebenching, and then work as a receiver on a failed trick play in the 3rd quarter. South Carolina qbs: the Lean Cuisines of college players, since you heat them, take them out, stir them up a little bit, put them back in, then let them sit there to cool off before eventually devouring them and moving on to the next one.
Nasty preppies. The Georgetown/Colgate game for Saturday has been cancelled due to an outbreak of norovirus, a classic example of containment policy from the Hoyas, though there’s much debate about whether this policy will work, or whether they should engage the norovirus head on, or whether they should go bomb the shit out of a totally unrelated country just for the hell of it. Oh, and preppies are nasty: norovirus is a stomach bug that results from fecal contamination.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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