Your open thread for the fabulous Pitt/USF/Oregon State/Utah hath arrived. Get in the mood by observing a feral Jim Leavitt in his element doing what he does best: scaring the hell out of everyone within several square miles of him.
Music plays through Charlie Weis’ headphones in his office. Game footage rolls in the darkened room. Feathery images of players move forward, rewind, and then move forward as the large man examines the the play from every angle.
Weis: This music…I just don’t understand it. I need to understand it, though, to get at my players. If only there were someone who could help me get more emotion out of my players, and help me understand the soul of this…music…
[A GREAT RUMBLING OF BASS AND MUCH SHAKING] (more…)
OMG! Phil Fulmer is totally screwed at Tennessee, and Steve Spurrier is going to take his place! We’re totally not just reaching deep within our bowels and making this up! It might happen according to specious sources we don’t cite, and is based on lists of people who don’t have jobs or who just lost jobs! Other rumors!
–Bo Pelini is BATBOY
–You know who’s buying all those Ukranian arms stolen by Somali pirates? BIG RED, THAT’S WHO!
–Brent Musberger is going to retire this year because he is old!
–Johnny Major’s breath was NOT killing flies and highly flammable when he said this!
–Kirk Ferentz is going to quit Iowa and replace ODB on the Wu-Tang reunion tour!
–Lane Kiffin wants to return to the college game because Al Davis is a crazy Jewish Vampire!
–Bad football teams sometimes fire their coach!
–Urban Meyer secretly craves a life as a Disney IMAGINEER!!!
–Ty Willingham was caught shoving two-star recruits into Mt. St. Helens, because he “felt like destroying something beautiful!”
–Sometimes, James Laurainitis just wants to snuggle!
–Tom O’Brien is equipped with an overclocked pacemaker to keep his heart rate above 30 BPM! It doesn’t always work!
–Mike Barwis interrogates live Wolverines in the basement of the Michigan training facilities and gets the answers he wants to hear…IN ENGLISH!!!
–Bobby Johnson of Vanderbilt had Uncle Sam Cereal this morning with bananas over it! It was acceptable!
–Dan Hawkins thinks the biggest threat to our country is our crippling dependence on foreign Nutella!
(All of these are more plausible than Spurrier to Knoxville.)
Iowa remains upbeat after a 3-2 start featuring losses to Northwestern and Pitt. (Only one other team has lost to both Pitt and Northwestern. Guess! It’s fun!) The Daily Iowan might have made the best commentary of all on Iowa by running the chipper, optimistic piece with the following picture/headline combo:
Headline: 3-2 Hawks remain upbeat.
Picture:
Pic by Robin Svec, Daily Iowan. Sorrow produced by Kirk Ferentz.
It’s Downfall bad at this point. And who among us really wants to break Hitler’s heart?
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It’s dapper when you carry it like a cane. Boise State welcomes you to the hammer party, Louisiana Tech.
If you didn’t flip over to Project Runway halfway through the game, then you’re one hundred percent man. However, we did, but even then we got to see enough of Kellen Moore’s unreal footwork, completely icy nerves, and AWACS field radar to come away duly impressed with the next killer qb drone to be installed in the Boise State system: 20-of-28 for 325 yards, 2 TDs, and smooooth as haiiiil in the process. Taylor Bennett, former GT starter and Boise State commit, went 9-27 and wants to be an FBI or CIA agent. Should you ever be pursued by Bennett, get far enough away to require the use of a handgun, and you will have a good chance of escaping the encounter without harm. Jackie Sherrill as font of knowledge makes logicians weep. Jackie Sherrill on TAMU: “Since when has A&M been a 25-point underdog to Oklahoma State or a 25-point underdog to anybody?” said former A&M coach Jackie Sherrill, referencing the opening line for Saturday’s game. “So they’ve taken a tremendous step back.” A program-crippling cheat recognizes good work when he sees one, so game respek game, Dennis Franchione. It’s fun to blame the perfectly bowling pin-shaped Mike Sherman, but Dennis Franchione is on the hook for the deep well of horseshit the Aggies have to wade out of over the next (insert daunting horrible number here) years. Censorship! How did this not make it onto Gameday! At-ti-ca! At-ti-ca! (It probably did not make it because the balls on that tiger are disturbingly dangly.) Cicero will get you in Uffie’s pants. The coolest coach, per Fox Sports, is Joe Paterno, because a working knowledge of the Classics will get the party hopping like crack frogs. We think this in error, as the coolest coach is actually Jeff Tedford, since his precise circuitry requires a constant running temperature of 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Jim Tressel’s Worst Nightmare: This blog! Or a pair of wrinkled slacks. Either one reduces him to a fetal position. |
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The CI is on the way, but this must go first. If you wonder where Les Miles has shown his massive testicles, or where he plans to show them…well, there’s a handy map for that.
LSUFreek is a genius. Say bye-bye to your patellas, fucker.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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