CURIOUS INDEX, 10/1/08

by Orson on Oct 1, 2008 9:33 AM EDT

Suspenders, exploded. Well, that was fun. Don't come to Murfreesboro and expect NOT TO GET KILLED. That's how they do.

Audio's out of sync, but the gist of what happened is clear enough here:

Them Midgetzz is HOTT. Mike Belotti has seen the template for beating USC, and it represents the lollipop guild and goes around chanting ONE OF US! ONE OF US! USC's silver bullet: huge offensive lines, teeny eensy weensy snack-sized running back:

"I thought Oregon State attacked them pretty well," Bellotti said. " 'Quizz Rodgers, in all honesty, it was unbelievable how he got through some of those holes."

The Ducks don't employ the same schemes as Oregon State and don't have a 5-foot-7 starting back who can sneak through narrow spaces.

The quick search for an iBack Nano will continue in local middle schools and circuses throughout the remainder of the week and through Saturday morning.

The Shoot and Shoot. SMU's Run 'n Shoot offense is 119th in D-1 rushing stats, meaning it is not only inaccurately named, but that you can look forward to their quarterback living the Colt Brennan experience versus UCF this weekend. (You know how hard George O'Leary likes to run his defense--oh, heavens. Redact! Redact!)

Illinois is meh to the max. Illinois' pre-season expectations were mixed to optimistic, and thus far the season has been mainly mixed. Juice Williams hasn't been as errant as some (pointing toward self) thought he might be, and Brit Miller is averaging 11 tackles a game...but there's defensive gaps-a-plenty in the secondary, the passing game hasn't completely picked up the slack, and special teams (a [NAME REDACTED] specialty in his career as an assistant) have been mediocre.

Take their random performance thus far and mix it with a gawky adolescent of a Michigan team, and the game Saturday could be one of the more bizarre, herky-jerky playscripts of the year. And a blocked punt! And a fumble! And a lateral, which is then passed...forward? Wait...

First in scoring defense....Kentucky. Chris Low points out your latest sign of impending blood rain: not only is Vanderbilt hosting Gameday and leading the SEC East, but Kentucky leads the nation in scoring defense. Myron "Rerun" Pryor in the middle is a dual figurative/literal factor in this, but they're solid all over, and being injury-free will give Alabama their biggest challenge yet across the lines. (Georgia gets a flyer for injuries and a sudden wafting over of the infectious Tommy Bowden Bitch Mentality from Clemson for a half. Damn those Low Country coastal wind patterns.)

Give him ass cancer and death. EDSBS Parnassus resident P.J. O'Rourke has cancer of the ass, and will likely recover, but kind thoughts and boozy hat tips sent his way anyway from us. As you can see, the best part about writing about your own hypothetical death is that no one has the balls to edit you. Gusty and lusty, baby!

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BLUE RAIDERS, SON

by Holly on Oct 1, 2008 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

re: Kentucky

I know it is a “trap” game..but their numbers are so damn misleading. They have not played anyone..and I think some of their games were close. Oh, well..I shouldn’t say anything, as an Alabama fan, because UA will find a way to rip my heart out this season.

On a different note, I went to MTSU once to see a friend & we went to a bar that had 64 oz jack and cokes for cheap. Does anybody know the name of that place?

by CapstoneAlum on Oct 1, 2008 9:47 AM EDT reply actions

Didn’t UK beat MTSU in the last minute too?

by yoyofutbawl on Oct 1, 2008 9:54 AM EDT reply actions

As a throat and neck cancer survivor for 5 years, I know one thing for certain. Nobody will notice P.J.’s scar. Good luck to him in treatment.

Illinois – UM is a classic bad offense vs. bad defense, good offense vs. good defense matchup. Who the hell does a degenerate gambler take?

Figures lie and liars figure. UK stats should be evaluated again after 3-4 conference games, since their OOC schedule wasn’t exactly a murderers row.

by Crabapple Buck on Oct 1, 2008 9:56 AM EDT reply actions

I have to admit, I am beside myself with giddiness that I get to make this comment:

Perhaps Bellotti should give Luke Campbell a call?

…or was it just too obvious? or too early?

Also, Orson, thank you for excusing the Dawgs wretched first half performance. That’s quite gentlemanly of you given your – ahem – affiliations.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 1, 2008 10:14 AM EDT reply actions

#3: Yeah, MTSU completed a Hail Mary on the last play but the guy got tackled at the 1.

by Raider Red on Oct 1, 2008 10:20 AM EDT reply actions

Best wishes to fellow Miami alum, P.J. O’Rourke. I’ve been a big fan of his sense of humor ever since Rolling Stone sent him to cover the America’s Cup in Australia and he reported back that Fremantle should be renamed “Dayton-by-the-Sea.”

by DevilGrad on Oct 1, 2008 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

“Fun size” snickers are always the best.

by scalz1 on Oct 1, 2008 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

It appears the Great Beyond has, at least temporarily, restored P.J.‘s slider. We’ll see if he’s regained control of his fastball after the VP debate.

by Harris on Oct 1, 2008 10:52 AM EDT reply actions

You know, connecting The Wizard of Oz and Freaks never occurred to me until now. But it’s totally creepy.

As for P.J. O’Rourke, I’m quite glad to hear he’s got a 95% chance of making it. His chapter on Miami in All the Trouble in the World remains one of my favorite things ever.

by Chuck on Oct 1, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Daaa Raidaaaaaaazzzz.

The bars called Gentleman Jims. And its not just jack and coke, any 64oz mixed drink costs 5 dollas.

by MightyMightyMitzu on Oct 1, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

UF has a gaggle of bite-sized running backs that rarely see the backside of the LOS. What gives?

by NativeSon on Oct 1, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

I have an iBack Nano for you. His name is Dri Archer (5-7, 160) and he runs a 4.4, but has been clocked (inaccurately) at 4.27. He plays at Venice (Fla.) High School behind Florida’s future quarterback Trey Burton.

by Tripp on Oct 1, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

Why is it that every week has been Alabama’s “Biggest Test”? Everyone was talking about how UGA’s lines were going to dominate Bama’s before the game, but now they get a pass.

And Kentucky, KENTUCKY, is going to give us the biggest test of the yea?!

Need I remind you we have shut down arguably the three best running backs in the nation and succeeded in running all over everyone we have played?

by Dirty Steve on Oct 1, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions