TO THE PAIN: YOUR UNIVERSAL INJURY REPORT

by Orson on Sep 30, 2008 4:11 PM EDT

The injury report. It's feeling sprain-y in here.

Player, injury: Jake Locker, Washington. Broken right thumb. In case 0-4 by wide margins doesn't convince you that Washington is in an "abandon all hope" stage of existence, perhaps this will: Jake Locker, in addition to being out 6-8 weeks, might not even come back at the same position:

"It is possible," Willingham said. "I can't tell you where right now. But he is a tremendous athlete, and the ability to play five, six, seven positions exists."

Net loss: Realistically, nothing. This flaming corpsepile of a season just gets one more body thrown on it for Washington. It's a particularly tough nail in the coffin of the Willingham era.

Tray Blackmon, Auburn. Broken Wrist. Tommy Tuberville says Blackmon will likely play with a cast on his hand.

Net loss: None whatsover, since any reduction in grip and tackling will be made up for now that someone who borrows the nickname "Little Ball of Hate" will now have a club on the end of his arm. That's a push at worst for someone who once knocked the sex midget out of Kenny Irons.

Jahvid Best, Cal. Dislocated left elbow. Elbows aren't one of the joints you think about coming out of joint, but in football kinetic force loosens even the most stubborn of limb-junctures. Best will miss the game this week against Arizona State due to the injury suffered against Colorado State.

Net loss: Substantial for one game, but not disastrous, as Best in on pace to return against Arizona. You'll have to find your green-vomiting football player fetishes elsewhere until then.

Tyler Lorenzen, Connecticut. Broken right foot. Connecticut's starter yielded the spot to Zach Fraser after injuring the foot against Louisville this past Friday night. He'll be out for six to eight weeks depending on how long it takes for his traitorous foot to heal.

Net loss: None for Donald Brown, at least: the nation's leading rusher--and no, you did not know that--will eat up even more digits in play selection now that the starting qb is out.

Knowshon Moreno, Dannell Ellerbe, Tripp Chandler, Georgia. Bruised elbow, sprained knee, shoulder. Ellerbe and Moreno are "questionable" (will be out there) while Chandler is "doubtful" (doubtful.)

Net loss: Their opponent, the bye, will challenge them--especially with Athens' forever tempting traffic violations scene, where daredevil kids attempt to outdo each other in racking up meaningless tickets with multiple infractions. STOP THE MADNESS.

Florida: Jim Tartt, Emmanuel Moody, Ryan Stamper, Marcus Gilbert. Ankle X 4.
All ankles, all from the Ole Miss game.

Net loss: Bad, but it will be against Arkansas, so only slightly bad. Unless Arkansas, you know, throws a streak route against the Florida defense and then completely blows the mind of Major Wright.

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Apparently the grip of Athens’ traffic and booze citation aura reaches beyond current athletes.

See Danny Ware; standing smack dab in the middle of E. Clayton St. traffic daring someone, anyone in a vehicle to hit him while he macks on Chickenheads from the big D.

by devin lansing on Sep 30, 2008 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

``He’ll have to get use to it,’’ Tubervile said.

“Committing to Kodi thats everybody’s answer. Thats all find and dandy but until he proves he can throw the ball ill stick with Todd.” anon. Aub fan

ok, I will admit that I’m a cali boy, and that my grammer is not blue chip, But you got to love hick-speek. Seems Tubbs left out a “D” somewhere, and the hick fan missed an “E” , However in a showing of support for the coach, the fan found a nice little home for the “D”, Where the E he left out was suppposed to be…. GAWD DAMN THATS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

by Pat Hill's stache Groomer on Sep 30, 2008 4:37 PM EDT reply actions

I believe it was Tartt’s shoulder, not his ankle……..again. Feel sorry for the guy, he’s already had 3 surgeries on that thing.

by General Disarray on Sep 30, 2008 4:38 PM EDT reply actions

UConn’s backup QB is actually better than Lorenzen…Zach Frazer, Notre Dame transfer. The good word from relatives in South Bend is that Frazer had all the tools but didn’t have the brains to comprehend Coach Crewcut’s playbook and ND’s tough academic standards.

At UConn….school is optional if you can play sports!

by Edsall is God on Sep 30, 2008 4:53 PM EDT reply actions

And do you think Jake Locker is regretting his decision to go to Washington by now? If he went to a real school, he’d be Terrelle Pryor.

by Edsall is God on Sep 30, 2008 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

So you see Orson, it is not necessary to be in an automobile to get cited in Athens. Then again it was a logical mistake by Athens police. Danny Ware is young and black and a football player. How were the Po-Pos to know that Danny plays for the NY Giants and not the Bulldogs? He was dressed in black. After the game Saturday night any drunk UGA fan standing in the middle of the street cursing cars and daring them to hit him deserves a pass. I felt like jumping in front of a bus myself.

by shanensga on Sep 30, 2008 5:26 PM EDT reply actions

O, why all the ankle injuries; chop-blocks by midgets?

by Sundawg on Sep 30, 2008 7:35 PM EDT reply actions

“None whatsover, since any reduction in grip and tackling will be made up for now that someone who borrows the nickname Little Ball of Hate will now have a club on the end of his arm. Thats a push at worst for someone who once knocked the sex midget out of Kenny Irons.”

It certainly worked for Patrick Willis.

by MiseanAUFan on Sep 30, 2008 8:32 PM EDT reply actions

The loss of Tripp Chandler should be celebrated, not mourned, in Athens.

by OhioDawg on Oct 1, 2008 9:34 AM EDT reply actions

The name ‘Major Wright’ is English for ‘completely and utterly, mind-numbing and aneurysm-inducing blown coverage.’ Wait, are you telling me it’s already in English?

by AJ on Oct 1, 2008 5:17 PM EDT reply actions

OhioDawg, Tripp dropped a few this year, true, but his blocking often goes unnoticed. Figgins is out, and Southerland may not be up to speed yet in his first start of the year. Knowshon will be limited by injury. I for one would be happy if Chandler was healthy and able to help open some holes for King.

by shanensga on Oct 1, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions