RICK REILLY SUGGESTS NIPPLE CLAMPS FOR TEENAGERS

LSUFreek, please, for the love of all things holy, step away from the Photoshop. Please.

I can’t feel my face. Fortunately, neither can Rick.

Truth Clamps huh? If only I could be a UCLA fan!

LSUFreek scoffs at MS Paint amateurism.

Hey, that took me at least nine minutes and destroyed both corneas in the process. Show some respect, son.

Damn. You only posted that link because you KNEW we would proceed to gags and blindfolds.

Both of which, by the way, are apropos when discussing R.R.’s work.

Reilly’s been a pompous douchbag for years. This is nothing new for him.

I…Why…What the…Retinas…Really?

Tell whomever, I’ll write twice as many words for half the cost, and yet I will still deliver the same incoherent dribble there getting now.

Once again, another job my guidance counselor forgot to mention.

Sorry, Holly.

See, Reilly is actually a huge real estate mogul. He sees Iraq as investment property, but those damn ay-rabs keeping mucking up his bidness. Now, if you’ll excuse him, he has a stripper to schmuse on the 9th green.

Really, though, he’s just harshing the mellow and schtick of Frank DeFord & Dr. Z. At least they are old, OLD guys. Reilly is like your buddy’s middle aged dad trying to be cool.

The five percent nation of nipple clamps!

Reilly reminds of an old man in a bar… Perusing the place for a younger woman, someone at least 20 years younger. He’s got kids, an ex-wife, “problems” in a certain area and more emotional baggage than you can imagine.

The five percent nation of nipple clamps!

That’s a pretty fetch fantasy team name.

I tried to read his article but fell asleep after the first sentence.

I used to like some of his columns, when one out of every four was a feel good/bad story about some poor kid from bumfuck with little donny disease. For the last few years it seems all he can do is make tacky ass analogies. I read this column last night (I have a free ESPN The Magazine subsciption thanks to the nice fella who used to live in the apartment I just moved into) and was dumbstruck. Quite literally I was struck by how fucking dumb it was.
With each passing day I become more and more convinced that everyone who has a working association with ESPN is a fucking douchebag.

@Blon #13 – you just described Chris Berman, I believe.

Kecalf—

I suffer from the opposite of little donny’s disease. Not only is it not enormous, I’m also aware that it isn’t.

How did the conversation go down?

Swindle: Hey, Holly the graphics diva! I need you to combine Rick Reilly and nipple clamps in a pic.
Holly: AWESOME!

9 minutes later———-

Holly: Here ya go!
Swindle: [pukes] gasp It’s perfect….

I do like golf, and still hate Reilly. He ruined what was otherwise a fantastic broadcast of the Americans kicking some Euro-trash, whiny bitches in the Ryder Cup.

Oh. My. God. Rick Reilly has two jawbones!

Reilly has also convinced that for that $3 mil a year, ESPN allow him on TV, where he basically appears as a less interesting and less funny version of Nick Bakay, if that were possible.

Separating fools from their money: it’s the American way!

Holly: the image, IT BURNS.

$15 is still a little pricey; I have these clamps from Home Depot that cost about $2 each, now if I can just …..HOLY BABY JESUS IN A BASKET, THAT HURTS!

mmmmmmmmmmmmm, nipple clamps.

Someone should clue #13 in on the LSU pressbox story. Their depiction was eerily accurate.

The thing about RR is that with the development of the Internet and the 500MM other avenues to read about sports, he can be ignored.

There was a time in the not so distant past that we all had subscriptions to Sports Illustrated, and there were always those weeks when you blew through the magazine, and you had a couple of days to kill before the following week’s edition arrived…

and you had to hit the john.

Thankfully, RR is gone from my periodicals.

Slice of life pieces where the writer just wants to tell you about his life experiences, like a bad Randy Newman song, suck donkey balls.

3. MILLION. A. YEAR. FOR. RICK. RILEY.

That’s Franklin Raines/Barry Zito scale overpayment.

“Someone should clue #13 in on the LSU pressbox story. Their depiction was eerily accurate.”

Coop,
All men looking for younger women are all the same. We’ve learned to spot them and run to nearest exit.

Any got an image blocker for Firefox so I can read EDSBS daily without seeing horrible images like the one abo- OH MY GOD IT BURNS, IT BURNS US

@28 You can find one here. I got the flash blocker for Firefox, and this site is infinitely better since then. No more Zwinky’s or Britney Nipple Slips. Now if only someone would come up with a plug-in to default all comment threads to Show All….

I read the article b/c I wanted a golf tip. Now I have these bleeding nips and I wife is thinking about filing for divorce. Maybe I will be looking for some real estate in Fallujah soon. Is that near the Alabama campus?

Reilly is a smug jerk. He interviewed ARod at Arod’s house and told ESPN that there was “something fake about the guy.” I’m not an ARod fan nor am I even a baseball fan…but what kind of prick would accept an invitation to a player’s house, then call him fake on ESPN? This was when everyone was piling on ARod a couple years ago, and it just seemed petty, prissy, and juvenile. I don’t get Reilly’s fame…He’s a so-so writer, his jokes are bad, and his column isn’t interesting. There is more creativity in one page of EDSBS than in a year’s worth of SI Reilly columns.