BLOGTOBERFEST! AL GROH COACHBOOK EDITION
Whoever made the Al Groh Coachbook: We love you, but in a noncommital, beaten by Duke, “Meh” kind of Al Groh way. “Al Groh became a fan of Van Halen” is probably our favorite little detail in a well-layered casserole of parody.
In further Facebook news: We thought Pete Carroll might just let the Facebook status hang for a few days as he watched film of the Oregon State game and helped negotiate the bailout package: but you can’t stop Pete Carroll from charging headlong into the future.
WIN FOREVER. Except on Thursdays.
Principles: we have them. Holly took a stand this weekend.
Inadvertently funny. Perhaps calling the Auburn offense the “offensive” is appropriate, if incorrect in a grammatical sense.
Our schedule does not get any easier. Our offensive is virtually last in every statistical category. Franklin please shave and please for the love of god get a first down, that’s all I ask.
Save that for the Octagon, Mr. Pelini. Bo Pelini is one of the few coaches who really looks like he could step in and play a few downs with authority, and perhaps that explains why he picked up a 15 yard unsportsmanlike call in the loss to Virginia Tech while arguing with officials: he looks like he’s about to flying squirrel attack someone.
That’s great news! Further injuries as Jim Tartt gets injured on Florida’s o-line.
Punting would be preferable to what’s currently going on. Lloyd Carr will not be the next head football coach at Syracuse, which Matt helpfully points out, but still mentions because it’s fun to watch people’s heads explode every now and then.
We prefer the cowrie shells and tarot cards. Football Outsiders attempts to take on the dangerous question of “meaningful college football stats.”
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1
PW says:
If his buddy’s premiere was anything like, say, any movie Hollywood has put out in the past 5 years, then the AU-UT game, shitty as it was, was undoubtedly better.
September 29th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
2
Stephen says:
I don’t know what’s worse: that we’re averaging 329 yards per game or that at this point last year we were getting 330. I hate my own team’s offense worse than I hate every team in the league except Alabama. I think I’ve hated them this much for most of the last 20 years.
It’s the same as every year. Auburn will smother the play clock and back into a 9-10 win season and a trip to Atlanta.
September 29th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
3
Sam says:
Regarding the Football Outsiders article at the bottom of the page, I’ve been doing the “+” concept for years now, although I call it “modulus”. The main difference is that in his system 100 is the “zero” point where I use 1.0. Also, I use regular box score stats rather than the more esoteric S&P and EqPts values. Check it out: http://tngfootball.blogspot.com/2007/08/modulus.html
September 29th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
4
Digital Headbutt says:
Speaking of intense coaches…do you think that Will Muschamp will land a head coaching job in 2009, and if so, where?
September 29th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
5
GamecockTony says:
Dear Holly,
After reading about “Adventures in Sean” I’d like to offer up many of my single friends for you.* They aren’t rich and they sometimes smell funny, but I think you all would get along just fine.
* not all at the same time; that’d be weird
September 29th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
6
Coop says:
@ DH
Dude, two items of issue.
1. You vs. Us, state school versus elitist “non” Yankees, Unholy vs US, I am not a Yankee anyway, for the Coastal. That would be beyond awesome as it would be refreshing for the two best schools in the Coastal, UVa has such ugly girls, but we will get our asses handed to us, because…
I have a bit of a mancrush on Butch. Would love for him to take over at Clemson, the man oozes swagger, but he is not leaving Carolina for us.
Moving on…
2. Will Muschamp is Clemson’s next head coach.
Any RETARD Texas fan, come and play with me, guy from the Texas blog whose name I don’t remember because he is irrelevant, knows that there is no Jimbo Fisher deal for Muschamp.
But, and DH you should pay attention, I know what Mack Brown’s next job is going to be.
We are taking Muschamp from Texas, and Carolina, in the next 36 months, is going to bring Mack back as AD.
The right people have forgiven him, especially after NasCarl and Bunting.
Sally wants to come home. I keep an ear to the Carolina ground.
September 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
7
Crawtater says:
Holly:
My mom used to say that sometimes–not always, but sometimes–you can judge the character of a person by their propensity to fancy duct tape and rubbing alcohol in lieu of a surgery. But then again mom was never that bright.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
8
Guy Incognito says:
As a UVA fan – that is hilarious. Almost as funny as our offensive production this year. We made #119!
September 29th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
9
PB at BON says:
Let me get this straight. The commenter everyone wishes to forget… who’s a fan of a team everyone’s already forgotten… has something to say about relevancy?
My guess is Muschamp aspires for a job with some actual prestige. G’luck though.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
10
DC Trojan says:
Pete Carroll has a belief set, and principles, and he has them straight in his mind and the minds of the players, because that’s how you compete, and compete to win, and you do it without fear, and the weekdays, man, they’re about fear, fear of the job, of the wife, of the mortgage, of getting beat in Corvallis, and you can’t contain winning principles in linear time structures, so that’s why he’s looking away from Thursdays, because that’s limiting to competition and winning the future.
Or so I hear, anyway.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
11
Coop says:
Wow, and you are relevant because Vince Young showed up? Has he committed suicide yet? Because, according to you he is the greatest college football player of all time.
Perhaps the greatest college football player of all time should have a hair better mental stability.
Peyton Manning, who Bob Stoops raped like no other, “FTW,” just because he is not that unstable.
Earl Campbell might not be able to walk, but nobody had to take the pistol from his skull.
But, what do I know, as I believe the greatest college basketball player of all time to have beaten his wife to the point he had to go to jail and may or may not have declared bankruptcy. (David Thompson, State)
Again, you are not relevant over here. I am obviously more the voice of the people, because as much as the O and that girl hate it, the people who got O out of his real job and put him on SN are the people who walk, talk, and piss on those they deem inferior…just like me.
As for your EDSBS Live performances. .. you might be extremely intelligent, but nobody will ever take you seriously until you deepen your voice. At best, it cracks like a 12 year old boy.
Drop a testicle or two, and be a man.
But, don’t worry about my opinion, most healthy people develop lifetime friendships with people they have met less than 5 times in person and live thousands of miles from.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
12
Holly says:
Coop, you can, do, and will criticize whatever you please, but you’ve been asked before, by your commentariat brethren, not to speak for them.
And a suicide joke? About a young guy who might legitimately have mental health issues? Really? Over the line, even for you. No one’s fandom absolves them from behaving like a fucking human being. Stop.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
13
hlh says:
Coop, from one prick to another, e-mail me at perryinga@hotmail.com. Or don’t.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
14
Coop says:
You know what, I am just going to let this slide…
something tells me more people who read this site look at the world more like me than those who think they pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes…
continue to entertain
September 29th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
15
Holly says:
How magnanimous.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
16
Allahver Fist says:
I like a good ‘Coop rant’ from time to time. This cybernook needs its extremes too.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
17
Raider Red says:
Sounds like it’s “that time of the month” for Coop. Chill, dude.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
18
PW says:
“Your blog is irrelevant.”
Weakest. insult. evar.
Seriously, we’re talking about freaking college football here; let’s keep it civil. I, for one, value both of your commentary(s?) for the most part. Also, I’d be willing to bet that, in 5 years, Muschamp won’t be coaching at Texas or Clemson.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
19
DC Trojan says:
Coop, you’ve piqued my curiosity: when you’re walking, talking, and pissing on the inferior, how do you manage to maintain your aim and keep dry feet?
September 29th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
20
SpartanDan says:
“something tells me more people who read this site look at the world more like me”
Sounds like someone’s got delusions of adequacy.
Seriously, quit pretending you speak for the rest of us. You don’t.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:16 am
21
Coop says:
In case everyone had shutters on, there was a bit of an issue up here, yesterday. A lot of commiserating when people got off work. Draw your own conclusions.
Moving on, mocking suicide, or mental instability is TERRIBLE.
I was very, very , very wrong. However, not being able to deal with the pressures of being a highly paid NFL QB is something else, entirely, which is what I should have typed.
The above has nothing to do with suicide, as it did not get that far with VY.
So, again, I was wrong wrong wrong in the direction I went. And, I am very sorry.
As for the rest, there is some truth to it, excluding any Big 10 or Pac 10 fans.
Go read that “things crimson and white people like,” from and you will get where I was going with that. The core is a homogeneous group.
Enough said on that matter.
In conclusion: we are taking Will Muschamp from Texas, assuming Reverend Bowden does not perform another miracle and win the ACC.
Mack is not going to retire soon enough to satisfy WM.
Those of the burnt orange ilk can get their dander up if they want to, but:
HC at Texas >>>>> HC at Clemson >> DC at Texas
September 30th, 2008 at 6:12 am
22
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
You know what things Crimson and white people like?
Kicking the crap out of Clemson on National TV….
You know what else we like? Georgia students who know how to handle defeat like Clemson did, even though, by in large, Georgia students were throwing bottles, keying cars of Bama fans, running off at their black smeared mouth, black shirts and dresses with puke stains, on their way to a record amount of students drinking their way to a mental blackout since they handled like, literally, Bama came in there and buried their pets alive. Will Muschamp has as much chance being the head coach at Clemson as he does coming to Alabama as a head coach when Nick Saban takes the AD job…..If ya dont watch it, VY will be the next OJ and will track you down……
September 30th, 2008 at 8:06 am
23
ChemE93 says:
Yeah, it’s been a rough season for Auburn so far. Fans are getting upset over the struggling offense, wondering if the team is falling apart. Losing will do that.
What?! You mean they’re 4-1?
September 30th, 2008 at 8:10 am