EDSBSGPS: WHERE WE AT, WEEK 5

Lane Kiffin has won more NFL Games than Gregg has Big East games, so that has to count for something.

Did you know that Kiffin is German for using, erm, Kryptonite? (It’s actually Kiffen, but still.)

Holly-

Out of all the noon EST games you’re watching UVA-Duke? Why?

This is a game in which Duke is favored to win. I’ll be watching just to see the football gods tear a hole down to the center of the Earth at midfield.

@ 2 cutcliff

undisclosed desert location? do your best to stay out of the lead-lined fridge.

Raycom decided that Clemson/Maryland was the more interesting ACC game and ESPN2 is going with UNC/Miami. I couldn’t watch Duke/UVA even if wanted to because it’s on ESPNU.

Ole Miss @ Florida
Croom St. @ LSU…

What will it take to enjoy these games, a dozen triple latte’s or a dozen jagermeister shots? Both perhaps…

Tailgaitin’ until going to see JoePa make the NAME REDACTED cry in front of 110,000 screaming people clad in white. Klan members always get excited around this time…

I’ll be sitting on my coach in Stamford, CT. Watching the game, and watching CNBC.

For all those not in the know, Chief Illiniwek is the primary cause for the current credit crisis.

I’m thinking of sitting a Zuffy’s place off Buford Highway (right by the Pink Pony titty bar) for a part of the afternoon for some Arrogant Bastard ale on tap and cajun food.

Any Atlanta folks remember the old Fuzzy’s Place off North Druid Hills?

@4 Bingo.

Heading to Gainesville for the O Miss Rebba game with momma, padre, and little sis. Little sister is 24 and graduated from SMU. She’s never been to the Swamp (or suffered heat stroke). Momma confided in me tonight about sis:

“You’re not going to believe what your sister said to me today!”

“What?”

“I told her we were picking her up at 8am for the game. She asked me “Why so early?”. I told her it was to get a parking spot and do some tailgating. SHE ASKED ME “WHAT’S TAILGATING?”!!!!

Sweet Jesus.

This will be one of two weekends this season I’m not attending a game so we will be at the friendly confines of my couch.

Gotta watch the Dukies, for the novelty aspect if nothing else. My wife went to Duke Law School during the 3 year Bizzaro World when the football team went to a bowl game and the hoops team won one tournament game. Her other football rooting affiliations? SMU and the Chiefs.

Also on tap:

11:30 Real Army-Fake Army
2:30 Bacon-Brisket (at least until Texas makes it ugly)
6:00 TCU-OU
6:30 USF-NCSt.
6:45 Bama-Georgia
7:00 Va. Tech-Nebraska (remote will get a workout during this time frame.)

To call the Pink Pony a “titty bar” is an injustice. Maybe THE titty bar…

& @ 9 – Dare I ask, but just what is going on between you and your coach?

Ah, the fall 3 TV football setup
Noon: OSU-Minn; UNC/Miami; and Ole Miss/UF.
3:30: Arky/Tejas; Wisky/UM; and Tenn/Auburn, maybe Purdue/ND as a flip/
7/7:30/8: LSU/MSU; Bama/UGA; and [TEAM REDACTED]/PSU.

If I’m not passed out or on my way there, SJSU/Hawaii is a good nightcap

I do love the TV, and I’ve got the mute switching down to a science after a couple years of practice. Best of all, it’s all from my own home, drinking my own beer- no bars with loud people!

Casually watch the early (11ish) games; local beer and chili festival in the afternoon; walk back home and watch Bama/UGA.

I’ll be at the WVU – Marshall game. I’m sure the finest of my folk will be out in force…WEST F’N VIRGINIA shirts vs. Brokeback Mountaineers shirts.

3:30 kickoff.

After that, I’ll probably watching Penn State or Bama. Either way, I’ll be in a drunken stupor….especially if WVU loses to little brother.

BBQ and SEC football on the porch all day. Though the city of Jacksonville is desperately trying to fill up the Gator Bowl, and basically giving away tickets to the cripple fight between Colorado and FSU. And seeing how I live a couple miles away, I may be tempted to watch the FSU empire further crumble into ruin…

That was a good win for Uconn and they’ll likely be in the next Top 25. Good defense at the end.

Here’s my viewing plan:
Noon: North Carolina at Miami
3:30: Flipping between Tennessee/Auburn, Wisconsin/Michigan and Purdue/Notre Dame.
7:45: Alabama/Georgia, occasionally checking in on Illinois/Penn State

11:00: MSU-Indiana
2:30: Michigan-Wisconsin, maybe occasional looks at Purdue-ND
7:00: Illinois-PSU, occasional checks on Bama-Georgia

// WEST F’N VIRGINIA shirts //

Last weekend at Penn State, some random dudes were selling “HAPPY FUCKIN’ VALLEY” shirts. It actually made me ashamed. You can’t duplicate the imagination of an authentic Couch Burner.

@ 20

Seriously, go ahead and kill yourself. Just get it over with because that is a day of sadness sundae with suicide sprinkles on top, until you see Georgia get by ’Bama.

As for the family, listen closely:

1. We defeat Maryland by 10 or less, so take Maryland to beat the points.

2. We, Jr, because we just don’t do II where I come from, destroy UVa in beautiful Wallace Wade Stadium. Al Groh, you have been warned.

The only downside to the Duke resurgence is that Holly is enjoying our success. Again, when we had Spurrier we went up to Knoxville and beat you, and now we took your offense, literally, and are in the process of taking away Fulmer’s job.

So, ugh, we are helping the white trash trailer bash folks up there. In a word, disappointing.

Moving on…

3. We, III, will defeat Miami, as I don’t hate Carolina. Carolina would win the game by 2 TDs if Va Tech did not injure TJ Yates, not to mention Carolina would remain undefeated in the Coastal but Carolina will sneak past Miami.

Why?

Because Miami has no semblance of an offense. Whomever, be it O or the girl, who said Marve was a star in the making is on meth.

Carolina, with Greg, Jr., gets past Miami today, by a FG. Something like 13-6.

While I am filled with college football sadness, I cannot get enough of the bad puns, so I plan to put aside the Trojans and go up the Arsenal.

In the realm of real Americans playing real American sport: Alabama – Georgia, because blood makes the grass grow.

UConn weasels out wins like no one I can remember. They get outgained almost 2-1, give up two 100-yard rushers, and still get the victory. They officially piss me off.

Afternoon – whatever’s on
2:30 – Tennessee vs. Auburn, Purdue vs. the One-Legged Man, Arkansas vs. Texas
6:00 – TCU vs. Oklahoma
6:30 – USF vs. NC State, Croom vs. LSU
6:45 – Alabama vs. Georgia
7:00 – Fighting Redacteds vs. Penn State

Also some treadmill work mixed in with the five games at once in the evening. I don’t know why they don’t give out scholarships for that kind of ability.

Marve + Cooper = happy noon
UNC @ Miami
After the U wins –
Tennessee @ Auburn
Wisky @ Michigan
Prime time-
Virginia Tech @ Nebraska (3-2 GAME OF THE WEEK?!?!)
Alabama @ Georgia
After I should be asleep (but sure as hell won’t be!)-
San Jose State @ Hawaii

@21, Do you know Herschel Walker? If so, does he ever tell you that he’s glad he doesn’t have multiple personality disorder quite like you do?

The only downside to the Duke resurgence is that Holly is enjoying our success.

Coop, sweet punkin, it’s sweet that you spend so much time thinking of me and all, but it’s clearly past your bedtime. Go get your jammies on and I’ll bring you your meds.

after posting bail it will be
Ole Miss / Florida
Tennesse / Auburn
Colorado / FSU
Alabama / Georgia
then it will be sweet deep sleep of 53 Rum Runners

1. I remember Fuzzy’s Place very well. Is this Fuzzy’s brother’s place? I had heard that he was opening a place down Buford Hwy from the old Fuzzy’s. Please tell Me that Zuffy’s is not some steel and glass Techno bar, but retains the funky tables, the cigarette stained walls and the yellowing photos of aging Bulldawg heros. Cajun food must mean Joe Dale is back as Chef, I hope Fuzzy’s old staff has been retained and that it is still Atlanta’s “Cheers”, the place where everybody knows Your name. It would also be great if Java Monkey and Francine Reed show up from time to time and lay down some blues.

Charity bowling event today coincides / conflicts with my Ole Miss v UF, but fortunately my lane is near the bar and its substantial TV.

Post-bowling it’s UT v Auburn, Colorado v FSU, then Bama shitting directly onto the MNC fantasies of the UGA faithful.

We’re beginning the day with a double-dose of Raycom madness (Ole Miss / Florida, Clemson / Maryland), with occasional checking into the absurdist football play that will be North Carolina / Miami (and possibly Michigan State / Indiana, but that’s 4th on the list).

Come the afternoon games, it’s Tennessee / Auburn and a heck of a lot of booze (because I’ll need to either forget the game or wish I hadn’t ever seen the offense there) and whatever else is on; maybe some Colorado / Florida State, maybe some Purdue / ND, not sure yet.

For the evening games, it’s all about the Bama / Georgia, and cursing ABC in the meantime for being courteous enough to grace our region with Virginia Tech / Nebraska instead of Illinois / Penn State. Really, I think seeing Virginia Tech every week so far this season is punishment enough; we’ll be all right if we miss a week, guys.

Holly? How in the world are you going to watch WFV v. Marshall? I’m not even sure it’s going to be broadcast here in WFV!

Split time between the house & Canyons in beautiful foggy Blowing Rock.

Lots of budweiser.

3 daves & UNC/Miami
smokey vs. iggles
satan vs. richt
croom vs. lsd (15 mins is about all I can take without crying in my beer – FIRE WOODY MC CORVEY NOW!!!)
perhaps some free shoes & baby bowden thrown in for a few minutes

Ahh, will be at work ;( til around 5pm then its off to the bar to catch Alabama whoop Georgia. And by whoop, I mean 35-7 via the running game, and us shutting down Knowshown and forcing them to pass all the time when we are setting back and waiting…. I am telling you, this Bama team has been rewired and brainwashed like nothing I have ever seen. They have no fear and have that jacked up, 1000 yrd stare like Lattimer……. Psychopaths in training is what they look like, except JPW….I still think he is too nice to be our QB….the boy dont drink whiskey or keg beer like Stafford or go to Talladega like Stafford, so if it does come down to the QB, those facts alone favor Stafford. I think Stafford went to the wrong college….

Hungover as hell this morning but happy as hell. UConn’s new QB has an NFL, Darius Butler is the best athlete in UConn history and Donald Brown is the best running back in the country.

I’m going to sit around today nursing my hangover with copious amounts of marihuana, basking in the sweet glow of victory and watching any college football game on. Mostly looking forward to Pitt/Syracuse and the Alabama/Georgia games.

UCONN!!!!!!!!!!

@24 – 5-0.

28-

The new Fuzzy’s/Zuffy’s doesn’t have the same character as the old spot but the food, service and entertainment is still the same. More open now with flat screen televisions and better beer on tap. Glancing at their website, Jaza Monkey looks like a fixture and Francine is coming by in October.

Joe Daole died last year and in his obituary, the AJC printed his etouffee recpie (which is now fixed on my fridge).

Couch, vodka, esss eeee seee football.

Couch-bound in the middle of CA, may leave to hang with friends in town from Portland, but otherwise:

9am – UNC/The U
Noon – Pat Hill’s Mustache Riders/UCLA
12:30 – Colorado/FSU, Tennessee/Auburn
4:45 – Bama/UGA

couch, tater tots, bourbon, coke, DAWGS and the SEC….damn near perfect.

Bellefay1, thanks for the info. Road trip in October!

It was a mistake to read this thread. I am stuck at the office writing a effing brief.

Hopefully I will be done by 230 CST to catch JHS sinking into the earth.

Then I have a funeral to attend at 7:45, 6:45 Central.

I just hope it’s not Bama’s.

Cool Hand Luke passed away today at the age of 83. R.I.P. Paul Newman.

Anyone else just here Chris tell Lee to “Mind your trunk, sir!” with the quiet indignation of a Victorian courtier?

A ‘Cane just took the head of a Tar Heel off with the nastiest block I’ve seen on a punt return in a few years.

It’s a shame that second vicious block got overshadowed by that Fatality-like first block the U leveled.

The Wannstache Crapping the Bed Alert:

Syracuse is up 14 on the Wannstache at the end of the 1st quarter….make that 11.

The fighting Kiffin’s up 8 on the Wannstache. This game is equal to reverse Lasik. The indescript Carrier Dome providing the most fitting canvas imaginable and Bill Stull personifying the coaching of the Just for Men version of the Wannstache perfectly.

Orson, there’s still time to hitch a ride with me and my buddy out to Dawgs/Bama. Not leaving ATL til 3pm. Haha. The siren song of Athens got to me, how can you not be up for it?

Allahver fist - my sister is at SMU right now. let me tell you your sister must be out of her mind, because I was there tailgating last weekend for the tcu debacle…they call it “boulevarding” as you might know. Suffice it to say its pretty good for such a shit team, and I drank microbrews for free all day long, since some company was giving them out. Smack her a good one for us, eh?

Mo is in the swamp…

Hold on, just turned the set on….did I see a Fl-Ole Miss score with the Rebels leading?

@31—GamePlan, lawya! For which I would happily become an unpaid spokesman. It’s truly a miracle when I can see the Daves in L.A.

Real Army ties it with fake army almost near the half.

So good…

@35 – November 23.

I’d like to correct my earlier statement about watching the Fighted Redacteds at 7. Instead, my local ABC affiliate has decided I would be much happier watching Beamerball and Nebraska struggle to an unwatchable 10-7 finish. The hell with that.

@ 51: False alarm.

I was attempting to watch four simultaneous games this morning for the first time this season…and now I cannot turn away from Syracuse-Pitt, which wasn’t even on the list.

@54—I stand corrected, order has been restored to the universe….

I remember the scene at the beginning of “The Verdict” where Paul Newman as a marginal, alcoholic lawyer pours himself a highball glass of Scotch, filling it to the rim. His shakes won’t allow him to pick it up without spilling , so he bends down to slurp some off the top. What a moment.

I guess Charlotte Rampling played her role pretty well, because I despise the very sight of her since that film. I’m afraid I’ll happen to encounter her in an airport someday and punch her out. As they drag me away, I’ll be shouting: “but haven’t you seen The Verdict?”

Oh yeah, then UGA/Bama.

I’m still a little freaked out at the appearance of “Chad” at the Swamp. The Verizon guy doesn’t go out in public as his alter ego, right?

I liked the Rebs better when they were going backwards.

Things are spinning back out of control as the gators are down to the Rebs…can’t get the game as I am in the NW…what is going on?

Rest assured, the Rebs will find a way to pull out another moral victory.

Part of me wants Nutt/rabid weasel to win but then will this damage the cred of the SEC and just continue the shootout until it is the pac-10 and the stupid big 12 in the BCS championship?

For those of you who were watching UNC/Miami, did anyone else rewind and replay the change of reaction of Miami fans about ten times?

My favorite was a cute brunette in an orange shirt and a denim skirt jumping up and down and being the last to figure out what happened. She was Song Girl-esque in her reaction.

Hats off to Clemson, who manage to completely blow yet another winnable game to Maryland at home. Can we just relegate the ACC at this point?

@ 60: You can watch the game online via Yahoo. It’s how I’m able to watch twice as much Raycom as normal.

@ 63: I missed that reaction, but I did heartily enjoy watching the Canes fans get their hearts crushed in 0.000005 seconds. That was fun.

I hereby request a “Tommy Bowden loses football games” tag.

In all honesty, UNC-Miami was a very high quality game (at least as far as the ACC is concerned.

But Al Groh and Tommy Bowden are so fired.

although I am a DAWG, the eagle thing at Auburn is cool….thanks for the yahoo tip, graysnail…

" . . . and Jevan Snead just made a play."

Yes, he did.

Nutted?

Orson, Nutt was right. He’s fast [pointing].

rabid-weaseled?

A few years ago, before I moved away from Florida, I went to a UF baseball game. There was some redneck in the stands who would yell “EAARRRRRL’S IIIIIN TROUBLLLLLLE!” every time a player on the other team had two strikes against him.

I bring this up because… well…

giggity? giggity. yikes.

C’mon Gators! We want you undefeated when the Tigahs roll into G’ville in 2 weeks!

SEC broadcasting has yet to cross the Mason-Dixon, so…

What in the hell is going on in Gainesville???

Gators just tied so looks like OT in the Swamp…

Just over here. In the corner. Dying.

jamiedawg @77:

O RLY?

FL missed the PAT…Orson, WTF with the Gators?

76: rebs blocked UF extra point. mass hysteria. less than four to go. please remember that the coffee table is not a punching bag.

@77-

Not so fast…..Ole Miss blocked the extra point, now trying to run the clock out. UF with 3 TOs, so there’s time….

Gators win by 2, callin it now

My coffee table is in the other room, for its safety. Ye gods.

Come on Florida D, play like you did against UM.

The Ole Miss defense is unfamiliar with this “op-tion.”

Let the cursing begin.

Look, this sucks, but…

We beat Miami. The season is a success. End of story.

Stopped!!!! The moral of the story, as always, is you gotta have a running back.

Ice weasels! giggity giggity giggty.

maybe there’s hope for usc this year after all. this just need to happen three times to every teams in the SEC and Big Twelve.

That blue shirt does nothing for his man-teats.

WEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEELLLLLSSSSS!!!
Bat shit crazy wins over cold and calculating everytime!

Holy shit….bizarre….SEC massacre…messy…damn, hopefully the “upset-fest” doesn’t spread to Athens and my Dawgs/

Oh God, Brian Cook has to choose between UF and USC for Tears of Unfathomable Sadness victor this week.

Ya KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT URBIN???

…

HE’S DUMB WOOOOOOOOOOO GIGGETY GIGGETY!!!

4th & 1, and Tebow is gonna run it? Shocker, in other news Clay Akin is gay!

I would pay $1000 to see Houston Nutt’s blubbering, excited postgame press conference in person.

Has Urban been hanging with Les Miles too much? WTF?

crazier than a sack of weasels: 1
Jesus: 0

Remember, when a top SEC team loses, it’s because every team in the conference is THE AWESOMEST.

In other news, Auburn scores on Tenn and begins the beatdown….

ESPN has just announced that this is no longer Tailgate Week presented by Kingsford. The foregoing sponsorship is rescinded in favor of….

GIGGITY WEEK!

I don’t know if anything could beat Orson’s post Cocktail Party post circa 2007, but I think we are about to find out.

Just to follow up on our little discussion yesterday about comparative losses and common opponent analysis and how it is no longer a valid method for comparing teams….

Wake Forest > Ole Miss > #4 Florida….

OR

Vanderbilt > Ole Miss > #4 Florida

Your honor, I rest my case. Have a nice day.

Now if the Dawgs can just handle Alabama tonight, all will be right in the world.

Giggity!!!

@98

Wake Forest barely beats Ole Miss at home and it’s a sign of how weak the ACC is. UF loses to Ole Miss at him and it will be a testament to the overall parity in the By God SEC.

Oh and a note to Urban Meyer, your QB is allowed to take the ball directly from under the center. I know you run the OMFG Spread Offense, but why turn a 1.5 foot run into a 5 yard run?

Lollercoasters for all! The sack of rabid weasels does it again.

I hereby request a “Tommy Bowden loses football games” tag.

Would you settle for “Tommy Bowden has a bitch mentality”?

Jesus, this team is an affront to my eyes. Fulmer replacement watch…who you got?
Lane Kiffin
David Cutcliff
Skip Holtz
Mike Leach

Stupid typos:

Obviously, that’s losing to Ole Miss at home.

Yes, #104, “SEC Speed” is apparently a testament to how quickly the rationalizations can be manufactured.

Well. That’ll pretty much be peeing in Gator Cheerios for the next few days, huh?

106: What about “Tommy and Jeffy: One and the Same”?

“Git somers faaast!” That was way better than last night’s debate…

For those interested: FAMU and the Marching 100 are on Versus.

96 – Methinks Miles would have gotten 4th and a foot with Tebow behind center. Miles would have at least had a running back on the roster.

112 – Is the saxophone rendition of The National Anthem over yet?

You must be fundamentally sound in the kicking game so you don’t have to go for a first on the 32.

Then again, this Michigan – Wisconsin game makes me want to beat myself to death with my laptop. Holy Jesus.

Call the Fire Dept. Swindle and Holly are on the ledge…..If Bama cant beat Georgia, I’ll come out there also and handcuff us all together and jump just like in Lethal Weapon, except I will look a little bit more out of it……..

Thanks Gators, you now have me worried about LSU’s upcoming DethMurderKillSmash match tonight.

I’m sure this has been mentioned ad naseum here, but boy do Verne and Gary love them some hand signals.

WF the only good team in the ACC beat Ole Miss, OM losses are to 2 good teams, they managed a superb upset in Gainsville today…Yes the SEC is that good.

All this SEC madness makes me happy to be a BIG 12 fan today.

Digging that Peyton still uses “we”.

Mr. PP,

Shall I call the Atlanta Police now? Or wait until this evening?

I ain’t dead, lawya! We’re not AS bad. Yet.

Weasels…fucking weasels.

Seriously, what the fuck just happened?

I’m not sure there’s enough vodka in my house to fix this.

Any word from Swindle? Should we organize an intervention? Put the stray kittens of Greater Atlanta into protective custody?

Ole Miss is NOT a bad football team, especially now that they have Greg Hardy back. They are pretty solid in the trenches and they have some pretty quick skill position players.

But if Urban Meyer were such a great coach, they probably don’t lose. Como se dice overhyped? Runningbacks, Urban, learn to love ’em.

TOBO @ 121

That one and only good team in the ACC is getting pounded by Navy 14-0.

So allow me to update…should the navy score hold up…

Navy > Wake Forest > Ole Miss > # 4 Florida

Paul Maguire just argued against using play action with 8 men in the box. Now that’s some good analysis.

Congrats Foster!

Bad Voodoo isn’t covered in Philosophy, is it?

Avoiding sharp objects, Holly?

That was fucking awful. The look on Fulmer’s face was hilarious though.

The Fulmer cam is rich today

@119 – You keep watching in hopes to see Johnny Clay. And positive yardage without fumbling.

After last week? Bitch, please. It’s the beauty of the front-loaded schedule. The worst is over. I cannot be hurt. Mad, yes. Hurt, no.

Has anyone seen Jonathan Crompton’s brain? Rumors persist that it got drunk in Tijuana before the first game of the season and is currently being sold for parts out of a warehouse in Hong Kong.

And Michigan goes into Halftime with more fumbles than yards. Actually, I think it might be that fumbles > offensive plays… defying the laws of Ann Arbor.

I woke up to that Foster fumble and Auburn TD. UT’s season summarized in six seconds.

Also: fuck you, ESPN. I don’t care about Wisky/Meechigan. Give me the Hawk and Zombie Bowden.

Nice, the crowd cheers when Michigan runs a kickoff back to their 18. (they didn’t fumble).

Stat of the day so far -
Michigan 8 passes for -6 yards. 4:00 to go to halftime.

How did I forget about MGoBlog? Going to have to make that my homepage.

[Comment From Sigh]
By the way, the mighty Akron Zips had 297 total yards against Wisconsin. So, yes, it is all about our offensive line sucking.

[Comment From NBlue]
Can anyone check the least number of 1st downs and yards by a team in a 1-A game?

Whould the score really be?
  Vote Now

 7-6 ( 13% )
 38-0 ( 51% )
 0-0 ( 14% )
 14-0 ( 19% )
 10-2 (3%)

Austin: Okay can I be done with PBP? It’s making the game twice as painful to watch. I’ve got a serious headache. I can do big plays, I suppose. But reliving this pathetic performance play after play is torture.
Maize4Blue: Austin, you’re relieved

@ RUTS, the SEC is “THE AWESOMEST!!” because they take every opportunity to beat the everloving piss out of your premier program. Congratulations on navigating that MAC minefield in your collective OOC schedule this year though.

donning game day battle garb and heading to the bar. kerosene and matches already stashed in the back of the place.

Awesome Score Alert:

Buffalo 5, Cent Michgan 0, late 2nd qtr.

Please let there be an earthquake to make it final.

Don’t ruin this for me, I’m having too much fun with transitive football:

Penn State 45, Oregon State 14
Oregon State 27, USC 21
USC 35, Ohio State 3

So I’m expecting a 69 point win against our premier program, Ohio State. The numbers don’t lie*.

Holy fuck, the Big Ten just ran a conference promo on ABC lumping Michael Fucking Wilbon (NW grad) in with Gerald Ford, Tennessee Williams, and former ambassador Charlene Barshefsky. My head is officially exploding.

• - Also, PSU has never scored more than 10 points in Columbus since joining the conference in 1993. So, uh, yeah. CORNFED FOOTBALL ROOLZ. And if you look at the games, Ohio State is the only Big Ten school to consistently shit the bed against the SEC, presumably because Tressel’s checks bounce after the holidays. He’s bad at the math.

Just remember, folks:

Oregon State beats USC = PAC-10 is WEEEEEAAAAKKK

Ole Miss beats Florida = OH MY THE ESSS EEEE SEEEE IS SO STRONG FROM TOP TO BOTTOM

The bullshit, it haz a flavor.

Well, Count @ 148. Lemme see. USC gets pantsed by a squad that got obliterated at PSU and lost to the friggin’ trees, so, yes, it IS weak.

Ignoring that shit, I present the following: PAC 10 = 0’fer the Mountain

There’s a certain je ne sais quoi when an ACC promo features an emo track.

And for the record, I’m fully aware that the B10 blows this year. And most years, lately. Honestly, if close to 60% of the nation thinks that Penn State is the best team in the conference, it’s a bad, bad sign for the Big Televen.

In fact, I’m fairly convinced that the entire nation sucks this season. Almost enough to make me think that we’ll somehow have a pair of three-loss teams in the BCS Championship. A man can dream.

Man, someone needs to train Crompton in Route-Reading 102: How to Not Stare Down Your Primary Target.

It’s an ugly weekend here. My magazine goes to press — for the very first time — Monday morning, so it’s been page proofs and more page proofs, with occasional glances at the tube.

Friday night was simply deplorable, and as I type this line, Michigan finally puts some points on the board — in the forty-third minute of the damn game.

As soon as this game’s over, I have to blitz downtown, because I ran out of color ink. (This is after a couple of days ago, when my computer would no longer recognize the “a” key. Why do the technology Gods torture me?) When I get back, the background noise becomes the Penn State game. Since we don’t play the Nittany Kitties this year, I want them to do a LOT of damage to our mutual opponents, especially [TEAM REDACTED].

There’s a late game at Hawaii? Excellent.

(But now that Millen’s fired, who do I blame for the Lions? Oh yeah, old man Ford. Thank god for college football. We may have to deal with pointy-headed academics and that asshole Brand, but at least we don’t have to suffer from rich-guy ownership.)

I’ve studied this Tennessee offense very closely and given it a lot of thought, and my conclusion is this:

Jonathan Crompton is fucking terrible.

100-point alert! Rice has 49 up on North Texas with about three minutes left in the second quarter.

3 top ten upsets by unranked teams?!? OK, who let the football gods into the damn party likker?

The Irish send Joe Tiller home to cry in his oatmeal in his last game at Notre Dame Stadium, 38-21.

Anyone know who the zebra is that made the call in the Wisky-Michigan upset?

I want to have his babies.

I hate Notre Dame. I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them!

If Iran gets the bomb, I hope they nuke South Bend.