The sheets aren't even cold and already media outlets from coast to coast are scrambling to concoct cringe-inducing single-entendre Beaver-Trojan headlines for your perusal and nausea. In the immediate aftermath of tonight's upset, we took the liberty of assembling every one we could find in a safe location, to be devoured or avoided as you see fit. Little humanitarian effort, from us to you, on the eve of what promises to be another weekend through the looking glass.
Jacquizz, where's your protection?
Trojans Can't Pull It Out
Hungry Beavers Suffocate Trojans
Trojans Can't Get It Up For Big Night With Beavers
Sanchez Dirtied By Beaver Attack
Trojans Can't Come From Behind, Fall Short
22 Trojans, No Protection
USC to Sleep in Wet Spot
Faced With Angry Beavers, Trojans Flaccid
Trojans Penetrate into Soft Waiting Flesh of Beavers, Fall Asleep Inside
Beavers Poke Surreptitious Hole In Trojans, Snatch Victory
Ejaculate Football Sodomy Metaphor Cockslap Lagos Hookerface
Something's Fishy In Corvallis
Mark Sanchez is a Vag
We're sure you can take it from there, unlike USC's receivers. Sleep tight!