EDSBS FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: TROJANS VERSUS BEAVERS

by Orson on Sep 25, 2008 5:32 PM EDT

Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of USC at Oregon State.

Oregon State nutshot USC in late October of 2006. Repeat: unlikely. Pic: Don Ryan, AP.

Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. USC has, to this point in an extremely young season after playing exactly two games, allowed ten points total to two offenses in dire straits: the overmatched and still-currently-on-fire Virginia Cavaliers and the pre-Terrell Pryor-takeover, Beanie Wells-less Buckeyes. Oregon State constitutes the best challenge USC has faced yet, a statement of limited utility thanks to the relative weakness of the first two opponents.

The utility of this statement may not increase much over the remainder of the season:

USC does not have a ranked team on the schedule for the rest of the year, though that could and likely will change as the Pac-10 recovers in the polls from an eminently shitty start to the season.

Hhhokay: Oregon is still ranked, as the Count points out below in the comments. But we're sure it's some kind of invitational ranking, like the one they extend to old golfers at the Masters', or maybe an allotment for "teams that are actually using their fifth-string quarterback MY GOD."

The Nebulous State of Dubious Statistical Validity for Oregon State: 438 yards per game. It's not like the Beavers aren't capable of production: it just all comes off the beefy arm of Lyle Moevao, who while adept at throwing himself into oncoming defenders on reverses is not so keen on carrying entire teams by himself. The Beavers have only 398 yards rushing on the season, something the Beavers cannot possibly live with after having a productive backs like Yvenson Bernard to set up play-action and eat clock late in games.

Advantage: USC.

USC: You've been factor'd!

Category Two: Mascot: USC has Traveler, who is the symbolic mascot of the Trojans but not the nominal mascot of the team, who is actually the guy in armor who rides on the back of Traveler, and at one time even had a canine mascot named George Tirebiter. This all classifies the Trojans as one of those shameless teams who blatantly violate the rules of mascot parsimony. (See: Auburn.)

Benny the Beaver, meanwhile, plays a solo act and now appears in an ultramuscular bugeyed roid-era version of his former self. Go ahead and make a joke about his name being synonymous with vagina. From the latest photos we've seen of him, he's been hitting the heavy bag hard and is just dying to try out his Rampage Jackson imitation on you. (The one where Rampage knocks you out, not the one where he gets bugged out on meth and drives a monster truck into a car carrying a pregnant lady...we think.)

The third scariest Beaver you will ever see.

Advantage: Oregon State.

Oregon State, you've been factor'd!

Category Three: Aura. An uncontested award of the aura edge goes to Pete Carroll, because Pete Carroll, unlike the workman Mike Riley, believes in auras and can see one right now, you beautiful little angel. Pete Carroll's original aura was a light blue-whitish, but he had it surgically removed and replaced with a red and yellow USC-themed just in case he met a talented recruit just chilling on the astral plane. Tressel's, btw? It's beige, and it's the only one of its kind.

When you touch it, it's cold to the fingers, like a glassy-eyed fish at the market on ice.

Advantage: USC

USC, You've Been Factor'd!

Category Four: Names. Both teams push with an impressive array of Polynesian vowel buffets, but Oregon State pulls home the award from the hands of the superlatively named Vidal Hazelton with a rock-solid run on double K's:

Kaulin Krebs (and his amazing cycle)
Keaton Kristick
Kameron Krebs

For gravy, just toss in Jacquizz Rodgers, and it's the only thing Oregon State really has a clear, quantifiable advantage in re: this game.

Advantage: Oregon State

Oregon State, You've Been Factor'd!

Grudges? Scores to settle? Sheer cussedness? Oh, just half a national title shot in 2006 ruined? Oh, and USC had a bye week before this! We're sure they just sat around catching up on some light reading and tanning, and not practicing maim-tackling on Oregon State dummies.

Advantage: USC.

EDSBS FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW SUM: 3-2, USC, You've Been Factor'd! The extremely scientific Factor Five Five Factor Preview is 1-2 on the season, but the equalizer falls like a hammer made of hammers tonight as USC should turn Oregon State into finally pate du castor tonight, which Pete Carroll would enjoy with a nice Gewurztraminer, not a Sauternes because he's no slave to convention like that.

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Comments

Um, the other team from Oregon is still ranked in the coaches’ poll.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/rankingsindex

And Orson, if you think that Oregon State is better than Ohio State with Terelle Pryor/without Beanie Wells I’d like some of what you’ve been smoking.

They lost to Stanford, for chrissakes, and lost to Penn State 48-7.

Oregon State = not a good team at all

by Count de Monnet on Sep 25, 2008 5:48 PM EDT reply actions

Jauquizz?

O, you have been on a roll today and I realize sometimes the serotonin flows to freely.

You made this up, right?

by hlh on Sep 25, 2008 5:50 PM EDT reply actions

Count—-

Noted and corrected, though really, as bad as Oregon State has been they’ve still got more potential offensively than that Ohio State team had that night.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 25, 2008 5:54 PM EDT reply actions

To…Two…Too

Yeah, the last one.

by hlh on Sep 25, 2008 5:55 PM EDT reply actions

And hlh: we make nothing up.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 25, 2008 5:55 PM EDT reply actions

I think you’ll find that SC lost to Oregon State in 2006, as part of a 1 – 2 nutpunch that involved losing to UCLA in the last game of the season. Last year’s 1 – 2 nutpunch combo was losing to Stanford and then Oregon, although really losing to Oregon last year wasn’t much of nutpunch b/c of Dixon being in the game. Maybe more of a sack-swipe.

by DC Trojan on Sep 25, 2008 6:04 PM EDT reply actions

Editing on the fly, and yes, corrected again.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 25, 2008 6:32 PM EDT reply actions

I expect the trojans to beat the beavers(i just like saying it) but i would give an unborn child away for usc to lose this game.

by displaced gator on Sep 25, 2008 7:01 PM EDT reply actions

Jacquizz Rodgers has the most rushing yards in Texas high school history. Minds blow every time that fact is uttered.

by Innocent Bystander on Sep 25, 2008 9:32 PM EDT reply actions

The fantastically named Jacquizz Rodgers is running all over USC.

by jamiedawg on Sep 25, 2008 9:49 PM EDT reply actions

I will never make fun of JACQUIZZ again. Never.

Jaquizz….you da MAN!

by hlh on Sep 25, 2008 10:01 PM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty sure Riley sold his soul to the Devil and/or Oprah and/or our future time traveling robot overlords for uncanny anti-USC powers.

by owls and gophs and craep on Sep 25, 2008 10:09 PM EDT reply actions

I am so horny for this score. Something about seeing The Humanitarian getting frazzled just makes me all humid in my southern states…

by Terry Tate, Office Linebacker on Sep 25, 2008 10:20 PM EDT reply actions

How can you factor the names and not even MENTION Al Afalava.

I don’t know why I find the name Al Afalava so awesome, but it ranks right up there with “Walla Walla” and “Chinchilla” for awesome names.

by Not You on Sep 25, 2008 10:21 PM EDT reply actions

Ahhh, good day, meetings went well, flight was on time. Gonna grab a beer and sit back for a while. Hey, isn’t USC playing tonight. I think they are, well shit, who are they going to destroy? Oregon State, the Beavers, Hehehe, hehe. Trojans and Beavers. Well let’s tune in and see how bad USC is rolling…. Click, click. Holy Shit!!! 14 – 0 Beavers, and they have the ball at the USC 10!?!?!!!!

Looks outside to see if the sky is falling, isn’t this USC the best team evah?!?!!!!

by skinnyphatman on Sep 25, 2008 10:22 PM EDT reply actions

The last TD reminds me of a saying I made up a while ago:

“It’s better to be lucky than good.”

by haybeav on Sep 25, 2008 10:26 PM EDT reply actions

Those Buckeye fans should be making a lot of noise right now…they predicted a competitive USC vs. OSU game. They just got the wrong “O.”

by Expat Ohioan on Sep 25, 2008 10:31 PM EDT reply actions

LOL TROJANS

by 3rd on Sep 25, 2008 10:31 PM EDT reply actions

Damn, I thought USC paid their players well enough that they would not have to throw a game for the bookies?

by skinnyphatman on Sep 25, 2008 10:32 PM EDT reply actions

Ah ha! No one believes me when I say that some coaches have other coaches number, no matter what the rank or where the game is….See Tuberville vs Meyer 2006…..Nutt vs Miles….2007 Tuberville vs Shula….2001 thru 2007……
Why cant you tackle Jaquizz Rogers? Vegas, rejoice….. This makes the Bama vs Georgia game freakin HUGE!!!!

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 25, 2008 10:32 PM EDT reply actions

Hey Displaced Gator @8…I know this is a Dawg family, but my wife and I have been thinking about adopting….can I get your #, or do we just meet up in Jacksonville?

by DawginMS on Sep 25, 2008 10:40 PM EDT reply actions

Dr. Lou wishes ill on all of you.

by psuphiman80 on Sep 25, 2008 10:44 PM EDT reply actions

Shula was coach from 2003-2006 not 2001-2007…

Bama won the Iron Bowl in 2001 under fran…

by TSOBO on Sep 25, 2008 11:01 PM EDT reply actions

Time for Oregon State to shat themselves. USC woke up and remembered who they were in the second half.

by Eternal Pessimist on Sep 25, 2008 11:02 PM EDT reply actions

I didn’t know Herm Edwards was moonlighting as Offensive Coordinator for OSU.

by roaminggator on Sep 25, 2008 11:12 PM EDT reply actions

i just got home, and all I can say is what a fucking disaster for USC (though they could still win with that blocked kick).

This seems be their MO, the past few seasons. Look brilliant against good teams, and lose to some random Pac-10 team.

If they actually could get to the national championship and play an SEC team, I fully expect that they would beat the SEC team, or lose by no more than 7 points.

But, they have a habit of pulling this shit. The Leinart-Bush years really were that special I guess.

by D-Nice on Sep 25, 2008 11:59 PM EDT reply actions

BEEEEEEEEEEaverSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

by playitforward on Sep 26, 2008 12:14 AM EDT reply actions

I wish to correct my earlier statement. It appears Sanchez just shat on his own trojans.

by Eternal Pessimist on Sep 26, 2008 12:15 AM EDT reply actions

Oh, snap. USC is gonna lose.

by JD on Sep 26, 2008 12:15 AM EDT reply actions

Didn’t we give USC the national championship after the tOSU game? Can we take it back?

by NewsDawg32 on Sep 26, 2008 12:16 AM EDT reply actions

Is it that time again for the “Didi Mao!” watch?

by Tizoc on Sep 26, 2008 12:16 AM EDT reply actions

transitive property football herpes

Stanford > Beavers > USC > tUOS

by Der Schatten on Sep 26, 2008 12:18 AM EDT reply actions

Oh those silly Oregon State students. Openly taunting the football gods by preparing to rush the field with three minutes to go.

by JD on Sep 26, 2008 12:20 AM EDT reply actions

Damn USC got run over by a 5’6 sixth grader….and this USC team goes down for the count….the first victim of the 2008 version of the Boat House….MAO!
Cue Beaver-Trojan jokes right about now……Jimmy The Greek would like to remind you never trust a Mexican QB…..truly a Dirty Sanchez

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 26, 2008 12:21 AM EDT reply actions

Beav students about to run the field…..

by jamiedawg on Sep 26, 2008 12:22 AM EDT reply actions

OSU is about to shit themsleves and lose this game.

by roaminggator on Sep 26, 2008 12:22 AM EDT reply actions

Hey USC? When you try one of those pop-up onside kicks, you’re supposed to bounce the ball off the ground, not the kicking tee. Just a tip for next time.

by JD on Sep 26, 2008 12:24 AM EDT reply actions

Good to see 213 go down. Now get back in-state before your PO calls to see where you are….

by roaminggator on Sep 26, 2008 12:25 AM EDT reply actions

Thank God I dont gamble on PAC-10 games or play the stock market……I would be joining Holly out on the ledge……God be with DC Trojan…..They are who we thought they were……..Does this mean Tenn will beat Auburn? Ole Miss over Fla? The football gods have spoken………MAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO….back for 2008!

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 26, 2008 12:26 AM EDT reply actions

Wow, just wow.

Oklahoma vs. the winner of the Cocktail Party for the MNC?

I love it when USC chokes! They manage to take themselves out of it every year! I didn’t think they were going to this year, guess I was wrong.

by ClwFlGator on Sep 26, 2008 12:27 AM EDT reply actions

Kudos to the guy holding the “Erin Andrews Sexy Time” sign down on the field at the end of the game

by PAK on Sep 26, 2008 12:27 AM EDT reply actions

now for UGA’s turn at the table. MAO! The only thing sweeter than the tears of USC are the tears of UGA.

by GoalieLax on Sep 26, 2008 12:28 AM EDT reply actions

Of course, USC won’t drop out of the top ten. Maybe 6 or 7. Anyway….

Funny to see Dirty Sanchez pissed and throwing things.

by Roaminggator on Sep 26, 2008 12:28 AM EDT reply actions

FUCK.

YES.

by JOE on Sep 26, 2008 12:28 AM EDT reply actions

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE VERRRRRRS!

by hlh on Sep 26, 2008 12:28 AM EDT reply actions

Note to self: Next Factor Five… put big money on the ‘loser’ of the factor…

by Not You on Sep 26, 2008 12:29 AM EDT reply actions

After what we saw last year, I think it would be way too premature to assume anything in regards to USC and the NCG. Lot of season left to play for everyone.

by Sjt on Sep 26, 2008 12:29 AM EDT reply actions

SWEET FANCY MOSES!

Beavers bust the Trojans! (hey-o!)

by Knowshon's Practice Hurdle on Sep 26, 2008 12:29 AM EDT reply actions

who doesn’t like a good beaver surprise late at night?

by chaimy4life on Sep 26, 2008 12:29 AM EDT reply actions

Jacquizz just gave the best post game interview ever. “I’m a small dude!”

by not Baghead on Sep 26, 2008 12:30 AM EDT reply actions

Anyone else see the USC idiot in the background during the post-game interview yelling “We’re Number One!”

Bwa-hahahahahaha.

by Pappy on Sep 26, 2008 12:30 AM EDT reply actions

Best line eva… “I’m a small dude, they couldn’t find me.”

by Michigan Gator on Sep 26, 2008 12:30 AM EDT reply actions

Tonight…we are all Beavers.

by glacialspeed on Sep 26, 2008 12:31 AM EDT reply actions

This just in…….Notre Dame is the new #1……NOTE:
DO NOT PLAY ON FRIDAY ON ESPN IF U ARE THE HIGHER RANKED TEAM YOU WILL DIE……..damn Jaquizz has a messed up grill……..has teeth like BLADE……..now tAFKATOS3UB can come back out now…ND #1, tOSU #2

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 26, 2008 12:32 AM EDT reply actions

Or Thursday…

by Not Baghead on Sep 26, 2008 12:35 AM EDT reply actions

To think I could have been writing Powerpoint presentations and editing requirements documentation.

by DC Trojan on Sep 26, 2008 12:39 AM EDT reply actions

@ PAK -

Yeah, she was saying that she had to hide by the players because it was “no longer safe” on the sideline, lol.

If I were there, I would certainly like to propose to Erin in the traditional Kazakh fashion!

by ClwFlGator on Sep 26, 2008 12:40 AM EDT reply actions

Oh that was wonderful.

The only disappointment is that ESPN seemed to have only miked the visiting team’s band, forcing me to hum the Beaver fight song myself after each score instead. [/random gripe]

Gotta wear the Beavers t-shirt in the morning now…don’t care if it looks dorky with slacks.

by Blog Goliard on Sep 26, 2008 12:42 AM EDT reply actions

Dammit USC, quit sleepwalking against weaker oppostion. I really would have enjoyed a USC vs. SEC showdown. God must be demanding a BYU vs. Boise State matchup.

by meatybob on Sep 26, 2008 12:44 AM EDT reply actions

What’s up next for USC?

Since the pressure is off in terms of national title contender, they will, naturally, go on a a long win streak, looking more and more impressive as they go along. They will get back into national championship discussion near the end of the season, and then probably lose the last game to USC.

See, e.g., 2007, 2006, 2005.

This is just becoming too habitual. And, the Pac-10 and Notre Dame suck this year, so they really don’t have any other games to make a big statement. But, it is USC, so if their 9-1, 10-1 toward the end of the season, they’ll be in the discussion, whether they deserve it or not.

Ohio State must really suck.

by D-Nice on Sep 26, 2008 12:44 AM EDT reply actions

Hmmm….I guess we have to play the whole season afterall.

by ESPN is always right on Sep 26, 2008 12:45 AM EDT reply actions

53 here. I meant lose the last game to UCLA, duh.

by D-Nice on Sep 26, 2008 12:45 AM EDT reply actions

U$C did not live to win tonight.

by ClydeB on Sep 26, 2008 12:47 AM EDT reply actions

Word, D-Nice.

The Beavs looked sharp against Hawai’i…they never were quite as bad as they looked in Wrong-Beaver Stadium

But Ohio State is clearly far worse than even those of us in SEC homer-land suspected.

by Blog Goliard on Sep 26, 2008 12:48 AM EDT reply actions

ESPN needs to shut the hell up. Chiding us, of all people for “penciling things in” and looking to far ahead. They are the ones giving USC the title and putting them in the BCS game.

by roaminggator on Sep 26, 2008 12:49 AM EDT reply actions

Welcome to the boathouse U$C. Mao!

by bluehenbear on Sep 26, 2008 12:49 AM EDT reply actions

THAT JUST HAPPENED

by rtr on Sep 26, 2008 12:51 AM EDT reply actions

10/28/06 – #2 Trojans bust into Corvallis to play unranked and thoroughly mediocre OSU team. Result OSU 33-31. Also, my brothers’ birthday.

09/25/08 – #1 Trojans bust into Corvallis to play unranked and thoroughly mediocre OSU team. Result OSU 27-21. Also, my 30th birthday.

Happy birthday to us. MAO!

by BeaverBeliever on Sep 26, 2008 1:07 AM EDT reply actions

@ 54

Pretty much agree on all points. SC is not dead yet with regards to that discussion. They are certainly on the outside looking in now, but they’ll probably get on a win streak while every other contender has their own problems. Lot of football left to be played.

by Steve on Sep 26, 2008 1:09 AM EDT reply actions

BeaverBeliever @ 58 – do you have any other relatives turning 30 in the next couple of seasons?

by DC Trojan on Sep 26, 2008 1:11 AM EDT reply actions

The stadium was really loud tonight. I’ve been out there for forty-five minutes minutes and my ears are still ringing.

by BeaverJohn on Sep 26, 2008 1:24 AM EDT reply actions

USC just got a Beaver enima! Bitches ….

by Croc on Sep 26, 2008 1:33 AM EDT reply actions

The Beavers just wanted that game more than USC. The Trojans are clearly the more talented team (no slight towards OSU intended here) but OSU was up for it and USC was phoning it in. Once they get going, you cannot get any momentum. Ask Texas how that turned out with the Aggies the last two years.

I feel for you, USC.

by blon on Sep 26, 2008 1:46 AM EDT reply actions

Damn. Slipping. Took me 3 glasses of Willamette Valley Pinot to write the obvious headline:
Hot Jacquizz busts through Trojans for Beaver victory

by dogtown gator on Sep 26, 2008 1:55 AM EDT reply actions

Erin Andrews is ridiculously hot in person. The sign of the week was the Erin Andrews Sexy Time.

That’s the loudest I have ever heard Reser tonight.

God I’m so pumped/drunk right now!

by SquirrelHunter on Sep 26, 2008 1:59 AM EDT reply actions

Boy, is my face red!

by Count de Monnet on Sep 26, 2008 9:19 AM EDT reply actions

I doubt you’d be too impressed with Vidal Hazelton’s name if you’d ever been to Hazleton, PA. I know, I know, the spelling’s different…but not the spirit.

by mhentz on Sep 26, 2008 9:23 AM EDT reply actions