HEROES IN OUR MIDST: JAMES WILLIAM "JIM" ADAMS
by Orson on Sep 24, 2008 11:29 AM EDT
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One can only hope that when the time comes, the obituary-gland won't fail you in your hour of need. If necessary, though, just take inspiration from the sublime obituary of Wyoming's James William "Jim" Davis, who you know is cool simply by virtue of having a "nickname" built into this name.
Read on for a man's obituary written as a man should write it:
Jim, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle. It was primarily as a result of being stubborn and not following doctor's orders or maybe for just living life a little too hard for better than five decades...
He was sadly deprived of his final wish, which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a date. True to his personal style, he spent his final hours joking with medical personnel, cussing and begging for narcotics and bargaining with God to look over his loving dog, Biscuit, and his family...
He would like to thank all "his ladies" for putting up with him the last 30 years.
During his life, he excelled at anything he put his mind to. He loved to hear and tell jokes and spin tales of grand adventures he may or may not have had...
In lieu of flowers, he asks that you make a sizeable purchase at your favorite watering hole, get rip roaring drunk and tell the stories he no longer can.
Short of having "he died tripping over his cock during a celebratory orgy to honor his triumph in a one on twelve cage fight for charity, surrounded by the naked and exhausted bodies of at least forty women," this might be the apex of postmortem tribute potential. We're xeroxing it and just plugging our name in for Jim's, just in case we finally encounter a hungry Ed Orgeron in a dark alley one fateful night in the not-so-distant future.
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I love a man with a sense of humor. There aren’t enough of those to go around.
R.I.P. Jim.
by blon on Sep 24, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions
Oliver Reed has someone new to arm wrestle in heaven.
by sonofsamford on Sep 24, 2008 11:58 AM EDT reply actions
THAT is an inspiration and a true celebration of life. +100 cocktails in the afterlife of your choosing, sir.
by Der Schatten on Sep 24, 2008 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
It’s stuff like this that makes me realize how much I suck as a human being and as a man’s man.
…wait, what?
by Vandy J on Sep 24, 2008 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
If someone thinks this doesn’t justify Pascal’s Wager, that someone should party now in case you get to party later, that person is probably very boring.
by meatybob on Sep 24, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
Death by Orgeron would definitely invovle a naked bear hug and an outhouse (minus the hyperarticulateness of course)
by haveagreatday on Sep 24, 2008 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
Maybe Mike Hamilton will hire his corpse to coach my Vols. Sounds like Jim’s lifeless body has more “get up and go” than my beleagured pumpkin.
by atlanta vol on Sep 24, 2008 1:01 PM EDT reply actions
He wins the Lee Marvin Award for one cool dude.
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 24, 2008 1:21 PM EDT reply actions
Raises glass
“There’s this little bank not so far from here that I been watchin’ now for a while… seems like lately alls I can think about is how bad I want to go out in style.”
by PeterPumpkinhead on Sep 24, 2008 1:29 PM EDT reply actions
>joking with medical personnel, cussing and begging for narcotics and bargaining with God<
…That about sums up the Halloween night game we had against Texas about 10 years go.
RIP Jim.
by Flatlander on Sep 24, 2008 2:11 PM EDT reply actions
I find myself touched by his asking God to watch over his dog. I hope that bargain was well-struck.
by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on Sep 24, 2008 3:04 PM EDT reply actions
He keeps his scalp, but those who bear witness will be stunned into silence by the rest.
by haveagreatday on Sep 24, 2008 3:30 PM EDT reply actions
Godspeed and give em’ hell, Jim. I dedicate to you that glass of hideously expensive, yet utterly fabulous, glass of Macallan 18 I drank on Sunday.
by Harris on Sep 24, 2008 4:19 PM EDT reply actions
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
and…
“To me heaven would be a big bull ring with me holding two barrera seats and a trout stream outside that no one else was allowed to fish in and two lovely houses in the town; one where I would have my wife and children and be monogamous and love them truly and well and the other where I would have my nine beautiful mistresses on nine different floors.”
Ernest Hemingway
by beast in bama on Sep 24, 2008 4:29 PM EDT reply actions
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