GUEST COMMENTARY: TIM GUNN

by Orson on Sep 24, 2008 10:34 AM EDT

Guest Columnist at work.

I tend to avoid delving into the world of sport for a number of reasons, the most salient of these being that I was never any good at sports, and thus forever intimidated by the more Athenian and robust dimension of the physical life. I was a championship swimmer in high school, but please: young men, speedos, and you may run the necessary permutations and calculations to assess the reasons I excelled therein.

The sporting life also never appealed to me because of, and please give me a wide berth here to allow for my own personal encumbrances vis-a-vis style and de mode, but the uniforms? Simply hideous! Tight pants are one thing, but pairing them with jerseys in color combinations that look like a Mark Rothko painting put in a blender? It just turned what was initially a disaffection into a juvenile but powerful antipathy for all things athletic that would last into my adulthood.

I've softened my stance recently, though. Tom Brady's stylish couture strutting has helped; has there ever been a quarterback so effortlessly in tune with the runway? Besides Troy Aikman? Also, my recent entry into a "kick-ball" league in central park has helped me overcome my uppensiesportenheitfiersichengetfleitkesich. Don't look for me out there! I'm all schlubby when I play, since you can't be a fashion manuductor all the time. My goal is to kick the ball out of the infield one day.

Anyway, a reader brought this to my attention, and I feel I must address it in the manner in which I am comfortable. Please see the fashion advice given at the 1:00 mark, and read about the background here.

Let's just dispel one myth here: BLACK IS NOT JUST FOR FUNERALS! It is time have a funeral, yes, but for this tired old glue-mare of fashion foolishness! Black is a versatile color for all seasons and styles, be you an executive wanting to cut the right authoritative silhouette, a browseur endlessly perusing the windows of the city's marketplace in style, or simply looking for the vetements justes for a quiet evening at home. Let us just throw this old wives (or coaches') tale out with the bad vegetables of yesterday's fashion. Think fashion forward, not cliche-backward, coach!

Given your frame, I'd recommend a nice v-neck with a tie to lengthen the torso and de-emphasize those big bulgy trapezius muscles that obscure the lines of the neck. The look will also offer a soft, preppy but casual look to play off but not overwhelm the Armani stylings of your ever-dapper head coach, Nick Saban.

Make it work,

Tim

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Comments

That sounded like Farmer Fran running that workout…

by Sean Glennon's Jersey on Sep 24, 2008 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

Sadly, I don’t think he realizes that it’s usually the people in black who are busy burying some stiff.

by MaconDawg on Sep 24, 2008 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

First there was Pat Dye’s “man enough” and now Kirby’s rant.
Love it.
Once a Bulldog, always a Bulldog.

by hlh on Sep 24, 2008 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

Is it just me or does the photo look like a thinner, older gray-haired Swindle?

by OhioDawg on Sep 24, 2008 11:01 AM EDT reply actions

worth noting that Kirby Smart is a former Georgia db, who played in Athens along with Texas DC Will “Boom MoFo” Muschamp, thereby forming one of the most foul mouthed and whitest secondaries in recent SEC history.

by SteelonStrings on Sep 24, 2008 11:01 AM EDT reply actions

Thanks for the advice Tim, but what happened to Andrae?

by BDoc on Sep 24, 2008 11:03 AM EDT reply actions

Does this mean I can’t make fun of Georgia ladies anymore for wearing their black dresses and heels to a freaking football game?

I’ll let it go… if Bulldog fans recognize jean shorts for what they are: the latest ironic hipster fashion trend. I can’t eat, drink or walk anywhere in the Inman Park/L5P area without reinforcement of Florida’s obviously progressive stance on fashion. We wore jorts before they became cool, dammit (ugh)

Note: real women wear comfy clothes, flipflops and a floppy flask to football games. Not dresses and stillettos.

by GatorAM on Sep 24, 2008 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

Why always black? Denim and brown are the new neutrals. Why not do something different?

Now if you pair that black with a great zebra print, then it would be okay. Or a splash of pink in a scarf or a bag.

by blon on Sep 24, 2008 11:09 AM EDT reply actions

Flip-flops are NEVER in style.

by blon on Sep 24, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

Yeah, That may be for Florida women but Tennessee girls wear those comfy clothes to cover their fat arms, not a floppy flash.

by Clay Travis on Sep 24, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

*flask

by Clay Travis on Sep 24, 2008 11:13 AM EDT reply actions

Breaking news dept:

Nick Saban has announced that The Alabama players will be wearing hounds tooth jerseys Saturday.

by hlh on Sep 24, 2008 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty sure that is not Kirby Smart….

I’m pretty sure that is the strength and conditioning coach at alabama. Coctostan? Cochran?

by crane on Sep 24, 2008 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

#9… Rainbow sandals qualify as flip flops… not exactly pillars of style, but comfy as hell. Especially during hour 14 of a football-induced drinking marathon.

by GatorAM on Sep 24, 2008 11:23 AM EDT reply actions

This still can’t top the greatness that was Bernard-Henry Levy analyzing announcer pairings.

by Turd Ferguson on Sep 24, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

#14

Texas women can handle a 14 hour football-induced drinking marathon in heels without any problems.

by blon on Sep 24, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

Really classy girls wear http://www.thebeerbelly.com/winerack.asp to the game.

by gosouthgohard on Sep 24, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

One thing remains through all of this: Uga is stil the ugliest, most useless dog in America.

by Brian on Sep 24, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

@ #4:

I was thinking it was Dwight Schrute from the future.

by beerbaron on Sep 24, 2008 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

@ 7

You could bathe in skunk spray for the next 30 years and you would not be more repellent to the majority of the guys who read this site.

And, this would Reason # 2,439,718 as to why:

Georgia > Florida

by Coop on Sep 24, 2008 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

Methinks Orson’s using this as an opportunity to get primed for the next installment of Project Runway tonight.

by Geaux Irish on Sep 24, 2008 12:19 PM EDT reply actions

Do we really want the government to take over our economy and stifle the creativity that market shows in such things as the winerack? Isn’t a well-sauced college female college football fan worth a foreclosure or two?

by maskedavenger on Sep 24, 2008 12:20 PM EDT reply actions

I have to remember that write, post, read and then edit just doesn’t work here.

by maskedavenger on Sep 24, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

@ 20…you say “repellent to the majority of guys who read this blog” like that’s a bad thing.

by zzgator on Sep 24, 2008 1:32 PM EDT reply actions

Nick Saban announced today that, as a suprise move, Terrance Cody will only wear shoudler pads, houndstooth thong and a helmet for the game. No one would ever want to chop block that…..
Then Coach Saban will douse their sideling hedges with gasoline and set it afire after our first TD. Suck on that, Richt………

by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 24, 2008 3:45 PM EDT reply actions