THE VOL NAVY: THE NICEST PIRATES ON THE PLANET
The Tailgate Review of the Vol Navy is hyah. A few additional notes:
1. Tennessee women are beautiful, and our favorite outside of Florida (natch) because they seem to be there to actually eat, drink, and look casually and effortlessly hot while actually paying attention to the football game. We don’t mean this in the “Yo, brah! LOOK AT THE COCK-KNOCKERS ON THAT ONE!”
No, we mean this in the most respectful, loving way imaginable: you’re all beautiful, even the one with the fake tits who was clearly on her way to committing some form of life-altering mistake in the boat a row over. We wanted to give each of you a Lush bath product of some sort, a single flower, and just tell you how much we appreciated you all being gorgeous, football-loving women that you are.
2. We also mean this: the nicest fucking people you could ever hope for at a tailgate. Expletive included for emphasis, not to suggest they were actually copulating while handing us free beers: just absurdly nice, and nicer than we deserved, of course. Normally I’m jittery and ready to start a Viking axe party before Florida/Tennessee, but it’s hard to get your war on in such a gorgeous setting.
3. We want this shirt. We don’t even know what it means, but we love it:

4. Yes, they duped the picture, but chicks is page views. We didn’t use this one, because it didn’t really fit but still deserves mention for astonishingly misused quotations:










1
Carolina_girl says:
Shouldn’t it be “7 feet”?
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
2
austiger says:
Other things that belong in quotes there at UT
“Relevant”
“Competent”
“Championship”
“Bowl Game”
“Win over Vandy”
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
3
Holly says:
I’m really glad you got to do this. Always proud when my brethren and sistren (whatever) show visitors a good time.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
4
yoyfutbawl says:
7 foot 8 inches. Who teaches English there – Jerrell Powe?
Almost as bad as a new street sign we had on campus in Starksville in August 1970 – “Don’t Never Ever Enter”.
At least it was taken down within a week.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:30 pm
5
Carolina_girl says:
Although it could be a spelling error… Maybe the entrance is named “Clarence” and he is “7 foot 8 inches”
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
6
Charlestowne says:
I have had the pleasure of growing up with this types of environment in the Lowcountry of South Carolina, so I am a little spoiled and used to these type of events. However, I have yet to combine the boat and booze experience with football and have yet to try it at other locations.
It is in this spirit of cultural sharing that I would like to volunteer for the Vol Navy when USC comes back up to Knoxville next year. Unfortunately, I do not know how to go about enlisting. Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, I went to Kville for last year’s game. Even with that game completely sucking, the overall experience was quite pleasant and I came away with a marked appreciation for that town.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
7
austiger says:
it isn’t even like Florida played all that well. Tennessee is freaking HORRIBLE.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
8
blon says:
#6
I’m with you. I want an invitation to a UT game (the other UT). The person needs a boat with a great before game tailgate.
Man, UT/Austin should have planned better. Royal Memorial stadium should be built by Town Lake. That way we could boat, drink and dock for the game. We might even care if our team was lousy.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
9
Adam says:
@7, i don’t see how that is relevant to the tailgating experience.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
10
haybeav says:
“Nicest Pirates on the Planet”
I think there are probably some “Butt” Pirates that would fabulously disagree with that statement.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
11
Carolina_girl says:
Maybe EDSBS should get a boat and have a few games a year be designated the EDSBS Tailgate Game. Instead of an off season charity bowl fundraiser, it should be a Boat Drive
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
12
DAve says:
I think that shirt has something to do with Phil Fulmer being shaped like the number 8.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
13
the croominator says:
yoyfutbawl,
You mean, this sign?
http://digital.library.msstate.edu/u?/uac,3051
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
14
ALGator says:
Orson: What type of camera did you use to take those pictures with?
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
15
InsaneCoachPosse says:
I didn’t know the Baron Harkonen was a TN fan *see last pic on Spencer’s SN Blog
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
16
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
If I was a Ten. Fan and in the Vol Navy, I would be pissed too, do you know how much coin it cost for fuel and booze? When you win, it makes it all worth it, when you lose, you keep a tally of what the coach has cost ya. Based on some the boats……sheesh, thats a huge tab for losing…..unless if all the hot chicks start skinny dipping, then everyone wins…….
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
17
hlh says:
@12
Could it be translated as……..Coach “ate”?
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
18
The General says:
Pops and I took our Dawg Navy vessel up there last year, and I agree that boating Vol fans are infinitely nicer than the landlubbing variety. Well, at least I thought it was nice of them to share their moonshine until I spent hours “donating” it back to the Tennessee River.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
19
Vol says:
Fulmer is an anachronism, and Crompton is a fuckin’ donkey. There’s really nothing else to say.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
20
EZ says:
Is that UF chick stooping in front wearing a “jress?”
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
21
NCT says:
I had the pleasure of travelling to the WLOCP from St. Simon’s via the intracoastal waterway and the St. Johns River one year. Fantastic tailgating experience — not to mention the easy and convenient parking.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
22
Vol says:
Holy shit…sharp eye EZ. Now go start gatorswearjresses.com
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
23
Raleigh Urbain says:
Orson, you are the Rick Steves of Southeastern College Football Nautical Tailgate Travel. Its a niche market.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
24
yoyofutbawl says:
13
YES. This was taken just before they changed the road on the right to the other direction. Note the “Keep Right” sign & the arrows overhead.
I think it made the NY Times, who had a great laugh at our expense.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
25
Kecalf Bailey says:
I believe coacho ocho is a reference to his new contract, which stipulates he gets an automatic renewal fro one year if they win 8 or more games.
Can anyone verify this?
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
26
haybeav says:
@ 23
I wonder if Orson washes his underwear in his hotel bathroom sink like Rick Steves to save money and time.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
27
OVN says:
No, you’re wrong. Georgia has the best looking women, then Ole Miss, then Arizona State, then Florida State, then maybe Florida and Tennessee somewhere else down the line. It’s an easy mistake to make, but fortunately, now that you’ve all read this, it will never be made again. I mean who wants to look stupid?
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
28
Benjamin says:
No, I believe that the “8″ represents the new contract that Phat Phil was awarded which provides an additional one-year extension for each year in which the Vols win as few as 8 games.
There are now increasing legions of Vol fans who are muy, muy pissed off about this contract, and if I were a Vol fan, God forbid, I would be one of those screaming like a stuck cerdo (pig). “Coacho Ocho” indeed!
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
29
TJ says:
No matter what you say, Orson, I will forever remain terrified of UT fans based on the aftermath of the 2002 game, in which the marching band director made the wonderful decision to march the band past a parking garage on the way back to our buses. Having full beer cans launched at your head from four stories up is never fun.
Only at the Orange Bowl in 2003 did I feel more certain I was about to die a football-related death.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
30
GangaMan says:
I agree that the fans were all awesome with the exception of the cracked out guy that screamed at us as we were leaving and spit on our taxi.
The women there are outrageously awesome and look hot drinking and watching football. Props to the UF girls for coming out to Knoxville-they really represented.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
31
SpartanDan says:
That is beyond awesome. I only wish there were a place to do it at MSU – the Red Cedar isn’t deep or wide enough (and also isn’t exactly the best place to take a swim, even if the weather stays nice enough, which is no guarantee in Michigan).
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
32
PJ from NU in SF says:
Spartan Dan, the Red Cedar may smell like a drainage ditch, but this flows past Dyche Stadium, what the younguns call Ryan Field:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Shore_Channel
In my day, it was pretty nasty, but I understand it’s cleaned up over the last 20 years. Similar problem, though — it’s not navigable (by law, although I imagine a canoeist would be OK).
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
33
lawvol says:
Thanks for the linkage Orson. I’m glad that the sheep got your attention.
Of course, being from Tennessee you know — as do I that sheep will flirt with you…
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
34
Widespread Gator says:
Fulmer must go, your story and my experience are proof. I go on the road for good ol SEC vitriol. The pansies said ” I know we’ll get our ass kicked, I’m just here to have a good time.”
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:19 am