WHY YOU SHOULD HATE TENNESSEE: COUNTRY MUSIC

HOW D’YA LIKE ME NOW? That you’re on fire.

Guffaw.

And here I thought Nashville was the saving grace of that shitstain with borders to the north.

That sum fine hatin’ thar.

re: Orson and Patsy Cline

“I faaall tooo pieeeeeces”

I am neutral in this rivalry, but at some point this week, commentary is due on all those damn bars on Beale Street that use those tin measuring cups for shots and mixed drinks

Thank you.
The bastardization of a true American art form has grown to epic proportions. Country music in the 50’s and 60’s parallels punk rock in the late 70’s and early 80’s. Now look what they’ve both become.
Shame.

Furthermore:

Hank Williams SENIOR, FTW !!!

Memphis, sir, is no Nashville.

DC, get your watering holes correct.

Beale….Memphis
Bourbon…N.O.
Ybor…Tampa
Printers alley….Nashville

/professional drunk

What’s wrong with gravy soup?

Nice work, Orson. Nice work.

Much better. This is the hateratin I’ve come to expect this week. Now…MORE!

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk and the Buffettization of Country.

Nashville deserves a righteous skull fucking.

you don’t get a lot of hilljack these days.

Did you know that Jessica Simpson has the number one song in country music right now? An absolute low.

That, as always, was an impressive shotgunning. Or RPG’ing. Whichever, really.

Orson, although I love the state of Tennessee and particularly Middle Tennessee (re: Tennessee Walking Horses, and I’ll take “hilljacks” over gelled-hair Florida yo-boys any day), that was an excellent piece. In my eyes, Nashville committed an unforgivable error by rejecting a young and upcoming Dwight Yoakam. Dwight is, without a doubt, one of the greatest men in the history of country music, and Nashville’s preference for Kenny “The Hypocrite” Chesney and Toby “The War Profiteer” Keith is repulsive. Good job, sir.

Re: 7

Along those same lines, if the entire state of Tennessee is fair game, this opens us up to Miami, Tampa, Orlando, and Jacksonville-based attacked. We might want to tread lightly here.

Although, in fairness, the culture of Tenessee is more homogeneous throughout than Florida’s.

Orson, why so tense? Too much caffeine?

*attacks

It’s all soup but the gravy.

Tom,
You have issues with songs like, She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy? Not real country music? I’m shocked.

Actually, I hate the music. I was born and raised in Texas, which probably explains my aversion to the stuff. Way too much of it.

Since I live in Austin I get to see people like Willie Nelson at the 7-11 stoned so the industry has its entertaining aspects.

Good country songs about creepy rural murders:

The Road Goes on Forever, Robert Earl Keen
Loving County, Charlie Robison
The Governor, James McMurtry

Of course, those guys are all from Texas. Nashville country does, in fact, suck.

re: 14

“More homogeneous”? That’s like saying nitromethane is ‘more flammable’ than water.

I’m still not convinced Miami and Jacksonville are on the same PLANET.

There’s a lot of good music coming out of Nashville that bypasses the big record company processing. There are some talented folks that make their living there, out of necessity, it seems, cause I guess country music fans are slower than other music buyers in figuring out how to rip CDs. I’m partial to good musicians that get together and say fuck the record companies, let’s just start a website and sell direct:

http://www.steeldrivers.net/

Amen, sir….amen.

As further illustration: the only modern “country” music artist worth a damn, Dwight Yokam, hones his craft in LA. Coincidence? I think not…

Oh and ol’ Dwight is the fucking MAN, by the way.

Walk Hard is a fine tribute to the insanity of country music…..“In my mind, you’re blowing me……………
some kisses”……………….

Ya know what I hate worse than that? Some old drunk always singing the Karaoke version of “You never even called me by my NAAAAAMMMEEEEE” which I am sure that song is taught in Kindergarten in TN as an anthem, right after the Pledge of Allegiance….

But country music does have some of the purdiest women I have yet to see nekkid—Faith Hill, Jessica Simpson, Faith Hill, Dolly Parton,Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, Faith Hill….

Why do you hate America, Orson? Toby Keith is one of us. Well, since Toby Keith probably doesn’t think I’m a real American (and he may have a point), one of us minus me.

If the speakers aren’t bleeding and you aren’t weeping, it’s not real country.

Blon, I think Corey Smith’s lyrics describe my feelings towards Kenny and his music:

“I don’t watch CMT
Naw that shit makes me sick.
And that ole Kenny Chesney,
What a hypocrite.

He’ll swear he’s country,
But he lives in the Caribbean.
Sings all about the islands now,
What happened to the Tennessean"

Ok listen here (you know I have something profound to say when I start a post with that)…no one with any taste whatsoever disputes that the Nashville music industry produces a brand of tripe never before thrust upon human ears. However, please direct me to any musical genre currently in mainstream media which is not complete garbage. Is pop music just blowing your doors off these days? Say what you want about Nashville, but you can’t dispute that they are smart. Face it…our society has been dumbed down to a degree that music consumers are gobbling that shit up and those producing it are getting loaded. However, it’s no different than the pop industry shoveling total crap at New Jersey guidos who have different yet equally horrific taste in everything. The only difference is that they move to Gainsville, don their favorite wife-beaters and gold chains (I remember, I’m not allowed to mention jorts here—you’re obviously a little sensitive about that) and head for the Swamp for the game. The association is no less ridiculous than yours. GO VOLS…LET YOUR HATE CONSUME YOU, YOUNG SKYWALKER!!

So, Orson, you hate country music and have applied this hatred to the Volunteers. Let me see if I can follow along -

Country music did not orginate in Tennessee, nor is it enjoyed solely in Tennessee. On the contrary, you can find large numbers of fans everywhere, especially in areas that are closer to farming communities than high-density cities. This includes Indiana, Oklahoma, Califorina, and, yes, Florida. So, if you hate country music or, if you prefer, what country music has become, then you’re hating a good portion of your fellow fanbase for supporting what you hate.

But you’ve dubiously placed the blame for all this on Nashville. Setting aside the fact that to really hate the Nashville music industry you will have to destroy all your Ryan Adams CDs (don’t pretend they’re not there), it’s fallacious to place the blame for an entire nation’s music consumption on one city, however much music is produced there.

Then to finish up, you entwine this bad logic with your UT hate. “One of the reasons I hate the UT Volunteers is because country music sucks.”

Is that how it works? Well, you know what? I hate boy bands. They are a disgusting amalgam of greed, cynicism, and commerce-driven garbage. Everything about them is fake. Even though millions of little girls all over the country ate it up, Orlando has ultimate responsibility. I blame the Gators for all this. To love the Gators is to be in love with the Backstreet Boys.

“You know real country singers because they are either now all dead or semi-retarded from years of excessive alcohol and drug abuse.”

You can pretty much say the same thing about SEC fans, ya know.

I’ll throw a plug in for a good friend of mine who is currently in Nashville writing and recording:
www.jamesdunnmusic.com

Yeah, btw, all music produced nowadays pretty much sucks. Saying otherwise is living in a psychosomatic wonderland with a gum drop house on lollipop lane.

On my ipod, nothing but podcasts, Spinal Tap, and 40 or so school fight songs. BTW, Penn State, gayest fight song ever .

Sandman, no truer words have ever been written. But it’s Yoakam, not Yokam. And he is, in fact, THE MAN.

Orson:

I believe what Mr. Coctostan means is that you can do what you want to UT, but he’s not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

Gentlemen…

As if I didnt hate country music enough.. I feel like we as a society are at a crossroads…. our greatest asset, football, is littered with bullshit country songs to open the games and programs…

At least on ESPN they’ve gone to AC/DC… but still yet, Big & Rich, Rascal Flatts, Faith Hill, and whoever else the networks trot out there for some overproduced highlight montage of action you likely wont be seeing in the game being shown, is absurd. Thats like the chance to go grab another beer before the show starts.

Not You @ #23…re: Miami and Jacksonville…they’re not.

As a rule I do not consider myself a fan of country music, however I do enjoy some aspects of the genre…namely some of the song titles such as “I hate every bone in her body but mine” and some of the lyrics are pure gold like “I lifted her keys, stole her fuckin’ car, crashed that piece of shit and walked away”. It sometimes takes a song to elevate such complex feelings of angst and idiocy to a communicable level.

I still love Hank Jr. and never get tired of his music.

Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound is one of his greatest.

Sure enough about closing time, (I’m) about stoned out of my mind
And I end up with some honky-tonk special I found

Rip the rest of country music all you want and I’ll agree, but not Hank.

There are not enough cocktails currently in existence, nor will there be enough cocktails mixed throughout the remainder of human existence, to adequately congratulate you for that. Bra-vo, sir.

Try some Drive By Truckers, Orson. It’s not country, but it’s got plenty of spooky rural murders.

Setting aside the fact that to really hate the Nashville music industry you will have to destroy all your Ryan Adams CDs (don’t pretend they’re not there),

HAVE YOU LEFT NO SENSE OF DECENCY AT ALL, SIR? Seriously, not a Ryan Adams CD or mp3 in the collection. Not. One. We are ruthless electro-cold hipster, not crunchy-indie hipster, thank you very much.

Go ahead and blame us for the following, though: Creed, Sister Hazel, and any and all boy bands.

Ah, three lovely years in Redneck Hollywood, waiting to see what drunken big wheel would stagger out of the Sunset Grill at 1 AM as I was weaving home from two pitchers of Iguana margaritas so I could go make out with the toilet. Sigh. I remember well the battle over what major label would win the right to sign BR-549 and promptly sodomize their music out of existence.

The greatness of country has always come from the people who told the industry to shit in their bonnet and tie it tight, from Hank Sr. (pray for us) to the Outlaws to St. Johnny Cash. I sort of half-hoped it was time for another insurgency, but the 21st century “rebels” are…Big & Rich and Gretchen Wilson??

Before I crawl back in my 2-Tone bunker, I commend to your ears “Murder on Music Row,” which is basically Orson’s post set to music with steel guitars and etc.

Oh, and UT sucks. But you could have guessed I thought that already. ;]

Wayne Mills Band FTW!!!! Not really country, not really Pink Floyd

We would kill someone for a good song about spooky rural murder.

Which is just one of many reasons that the best bluegrass I’ve heard in YEARS comes from Australia. That’s Australia, the country, and this girl does “Caleb Meyer” better than Gillian Welch.

Pelican, you’ve spent too much time at Gallette’s. However, they are a pretty good fraternity house band. I’ll give them that.

The only difference is that they move to Gainsville, don their favorite wife-beaters and gold chains (I remember, I’m not allowed to mention jorts here–you’re obviously a little sensitive about that) and head for the Swamp for the game. The association is no less ridiculous than yours. GO VOLS…LET YOUR HATE CONSUME YOU, YOUNG SKYWALKER!!

Rome here. Strong, Vol. Strong.

Orson you also seem to have an affinity for really angry speed metal songs about death, WITH ACCOMPANYING CARTOONS ROCK ON YEAH!!!! I guess that’s somehow better than country? As for Ryan Adams, I liked him a lot until i read that Elton John called him a genius. Now I’m torn.

I cannot take credit for this but it is not country music it is white southern pop music…

I always find it interesting that the only real country music on the radio anymore is on blue-state NPR.

clap clap clap clap clap

With that said, I’ll let it be known that I own Gary Allan albums. Don’t fucking judge me.

John, try Cross Country on XM12. That about the only place you can find country worth listening to anymore. It’s all about the “Alt Country” thing. Which is an entirely different tirade.

Orson, now you’re just posturing.

Do you REALLY prefer Patsy Cline singing “Rose of San Antone” to “Walking After Midnight” or “She’s Got You”? Face it, she and Jim Reeves were just plain better that way. Loosen up your jorts, boy.

Elton John, Vols? Now we’re talking genius squared:

The best country album of all time (it even has spooky rural murders involved) was done by a dude from New Jersey.

Bruce Springsteen, Nebraska, 1982.

My favorite is Highway Patrolman, but it’s all top shelf. I have a feeling you’re familiar with it, Orson…

Hey Orson, don’t forget about me, I’m from Jacksonville

At least he’s not one of those really flamboyant gays.

Yes. I concur adamantly. Its similiar with rap music, too. No wait, exactly the same. I like texas ciuntry though…the dudes who tour the same 30 spots for 10 years straight.

Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Right on Orson, pop country sucks.

Holy Shit, Charlie Whitebread died:

http://law.usc.edu/news/article.cfm?newsID=3117

I know this is completely off subject, but he was awesome. I guarantee you he fucking hated Tennessee too.

Coctosan hasn’t brought it that strong since the Stanwyck wedding, bringing it like one of Alan’s fly-boy buddies. Calls out Orson from the A-T-L, but trashes O-town. “Fallacious.” Hilarious.
Rack him.

John Coctostan, I will grant that Nashville does not create the market for the trash they produce. The states you mention bear much of the blame. However, the crack dealer is not absolved for what happens to his community simply because he didn’t provide the demand. Additionally, Ryan Adams is hardly a product of Nashville. As, he does a song called “Tennessee Sucks,” he might not be your best advocate.

Absolutely pitch perfect. Nothing more to say really…just a beautiful job Orson. Except as a Dawgs fan…Go Vols!!!!

Jorts Jorts Jorts… thank you Florida… but hey… I agree about country muisic… total crap these days…

This article was awesome, with me nodding and laughing until…

“…and your shitty goatee, which you wear as the totem against obesity like every other hilljack concerned about their double chin and masculinity…”

Good God, that hits too close to home. Sadly. I just shaved it off.

I’m off to the gym…cries

(1) Still suffering from the time my parents took me to the Grand Ole Opry over 25 years ago (“Wabash Cannonball” was cool, however). (2) Someone should post the Bob’s Country Bunker scene from the Blues Brothers – what was the line “we play both kinds of music here; country AND western.” (3) Old joke: “Country music is my 2nd favorite kind of music.” “What’s your favorite kind?” “Everything else.”

Asleep At The Wheel……FTW

Disaster alert: Charlie Whitbread has died.

That guy was awesome, and if I had to bet, he fucking hated Tennessee.

Don’t ever forget…Nashville ruined College Gameday, too.

There is good country music, admittedly.

However it all comes from Texas.

SHLE:

A sad day for members of Group 5 across the country. Bar review will never be the same…

R.I.P. you funny old fuck.

Amen, Brother Swindle.

The only good country singers are those that look like their face caught on fire and it was put out by pick axe. Looking at you Merle, Willie, and Waylon.

Okay, I"m not reading through nearly 70 comments to see if this point has been made, but shouldn’t this mean we should hate Belmont with the heat of 1000 suns since that’s where a lot of the modern country writers and producers get their fancy book learnin’?

Thank you for composing the most accurate discussion of country music. Ever.

Orville, stepping up for N’ville here. Although he is based there (but really is the antithesis of the usual N’ville dreck), you should check out David Olney if you’re not familar with him. Anybody who writes (and rocks) songs including such as Aristotle, the Titanic from a smitten iceberg’s point of view and Panama City (as a destination) deserves a wider audience.

Backstreet Boys, O Town, N Sync… yes Florida has done the music industry proud. I will give you that 2 Live Crew was pretty cool back in the day.

The real Nashville country music being made this days can be found on the albums on the albums of Silver Jews — especially everything from “Bright Flight” on. The earlier albums are great, too, but Berman’s found more of a true country groove lately, and his lyrics beat the crap out of the Music Row garbage:

David: Where’s the paper bag / That holds the liquor? / Just in case I feel the need to puke… / If we know what it took to get here / Would we have chosen to?/ So you want to build an altar on a summer night / You want to smoke the gel off a fentanyl patch / Ain’t you heard the news? / Adam and Eve were Jews.

And I always loved you to the max!

Cassie: If it gets really, really bad… / If it ever gets really, really bad…

David: Let’s not kid ourselves. / It gets really, really bad…

They rocked One Eyed Jacks in NOLA last night.

I felt the Hatewagon starting to crank up with Vol and John Coctostan’s earlier responses, but alas, it only sputtered for a few minutes and then died…like UT in the Swamp last year.

My prediction: UF 45 – UT 10 (at least 4 Crompton INTs)

You guys are douchebags! Florida is full of trailer trash, mullets and jorts! GO VOLS!

PS suck it

Group 5 hijack! Charlie Whitebread was the silver lining to the dark cloud of bar prep. Unless you thought Erwin Chemerinsky’s jokes were funny, which they were not. He will be missed. This is related in that I did my bar prep at home, in a terrible apartment just off music row in Nashville at the conclusion of three miserable years in Music City. I will provide my testimony, as a person who has lived many places, that Nashville is every bit as insipid as the “white southern pop” it propagates. If only because of its pervasive stupidity, Charlie Whitebread would indeed have hated it.

Hey,

Song about a spooky rural murder:

“Down at the River”

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXDlyFfrkVI

Lyrics:
http://www.lyricsdownload.com/chris-knight-down-the-river-lyrics.html

R.I.P. Professor Whitebread

As always, it takes Memphis to save real music. You want to hear REAL country music they way it used ta wuz, go find Papa Top’s West Coast Turnaround. Ya want spooky murder? They got it? Drinkin’, fightin, fuckin ALL AT THE SAME TIME? They’re your band.

And, they can do a mean Buck Owens tribute as well, another great artist who told NashVegas to piss up a rope.

I lay the blame for the death of country music squarely at the feet of Garth Brooks. He rose to the top on songs about cheating, drinking, riding bulls, and fighting.

Then once he had country music by the balls, he destroyed it with light-show concerts and songs about World Peace, creepy grandma sex (see: “That Summer”), and redneck legal organizations. Once he saw what he’d done, he said “I’m out!”

Even when he tried to comeback to music, he refused to use his own name and tried his hand at something that might be loosely termed “rock music” instead of engaging in the drivel now known as country music.

You made this mess, Garth. Now you need to come back and fix it.

P.S. – Look up the Alan Jackson – George Strait duet “Murder on Music Row”

I’m reminded of a line from a famous movie, “We play both kinds of music, Country AND Western.”
Kenny Chesney is an example of one, Robert Earl Keen, the other. You Texas people know the difference.

Also, I’ve discovered “Indie Rock” and am very impressed by the music which hasn’t been violated by the recording business. Is there an “Indie Country” in existence?

By the way, John Coctostan, did you ever return Ms. Stanwyck’s towel after cleaning up from the water buffalo?

A lot of us Category 5ers wouldn’t be sitting in front of a computer posting to EDSBS everyday without the help of Professor Whitebread.

“We would kill someone for a good song about spooky rural murder”
Kill who? Vicki Lawrence for “The night the lights went out in Georgia”

Why when I pulled up your “Why you should hate Tennessee” page is there an ad for the Nissan Titan? Is this some kind of sick joke?
And why do you hate Nashville so much when hometown Vanderbilt hands you an easy win nearly every season.

RIP Charlie Whitebread. For those that don’t know, Prof. Whitebread was the funniest lecturer of his time. His bar prep lectures were a godsend of humor and joy in what was otherwise a 12 week ass-raping by [insert name of your state]’s State Bar.

His insistence on only needing a “glib understanding” of the material helped to calm many nerves. His insistence that we need not focus on rarely tested topics helped us focus and perhaps succeed. “Remember,” he said, “don’t worry about bestiality, because animals don’t worry about you.” Indeed, Charlie. Indeed.

Fight On, Charlie! R.I.P.

Here is Charlie’s website: http://www-rcf.usc.edu/~cwhitebr/

I don’t know if he’d hate Tennessee or Florida, but at least he hated UCLA. And for that, he has my respect and admiration.

RIP Charlie Whitebread. For those that don’t know, Prof. Whitebread was the funniest lecturer of his time. His bar prep lectures were a godsend of humor and joy in what was otherwise a 12 week ass-raping by [insert name of your state]’s State Bar.

His insistence on only needing a “glib understanding” of the material helped to calm many nerves. His insistence that we need not focus on rarely tested topics helped us focus and perhaps succeed. “Remember,” he said, “don’t worry about bestiality, because animals don’t worry about you.” Indeed, Charlie. Indeed.

Fight On, Charlie! R.I.P.

I don’t know if he’d hate Tennessee or Florida, but at least he hated UCLA. And for that, he has my respect and admiration.

Holly,

Upon your suggestion I just listened to the Greencard’s version of “Caleb Meyer” that you claimed was better than Gillian Welch’s. Fuck you. Whiny ass Iris Dement type voice. Plus there is no remedy for the lack of David Rawling’s guitar.

Language!

Gillian rocks, but you don’t listen to her version and think it actually happened TO her. Greencards sell it better.

Dang, Mellencamp. When you’re right, you’re right.

I indict Mutt Lange and his (still hot) ex-wife as the prime offenders of modern faux-country. He may be the same guy who produced “Highway To Hell,” but Shania’s Def Leppard songs with fiddle parts are truly the work of the devil.

socalbryan:

Couldn’t agree more. However, I will have to admit that I cursed Whitebread on Question Number 1 of the MBE.

Professor Whitebread said that he had been teaching that course for eleventy billion years and not once had he ever seen a question on kidnapping. “Don’t even look at kidnapping people, you are wasting your time” he said. Question number 1 —> kidnapping.

The only good Vols-related music was the Judybats.

@79

The voice of Early Cuyler is Unknown Hinson. Tours the southeast. About as “indie” as there is.

Orson, regarding the column, as Andy would say, that was extreee good!

what is this music… “country” you call it… and why is it not more popular since they must be singing about common threads in our country

oh…wait…. is that the nasty noise I hear coming from some FM and many AM stations? I cannot believe anyone really admits to listening to that intellect lowering auditory spluge… oh my that stuff is awful

give me the Beethoven, Mozart and Rachmaninov… and a little Crowbar maybe

OH… and that wonderful bit of prose just got Orson an invite to the next Chappelle’s Show Playa Hater’s Ball

you be hatin’ real good

Banjo Player from Deliverance…..need I say more?
He embodies both Country Music and Tennessee…plus he is the QB coach at UT….Isnt Squidbillies filmed in Tennessee?

@ #39 / everyone else…

Drive By Truckers fucking rock!!! Even though they’ve lost a bit of an edge without Jason Isball, NEVER miss a chance a to see them live, you’ll be sorrowfully missing out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaF_-tirFeU

Re: 71. Orson, Orville- one made-up name is as good as another. Sorry about that and the recommendation stands. Getting old bites.

This is all Eddie Rabbit’s fault. I Love a Rainy Night my ass.

Early on in my marriage, my wife had the radio on in the car and Tim McGraw came on. I reached over and turned it off. She said, “You’re from Georgia, I thought you liked country music.” Right then I knew somewhere, Hank Williams started crying. I pulled out a CD of Merle, Jon Conlee, Conway and Don ‘Gentle Giant’ Williams and played it for her.

“My mind ain’t nothin but a total blank….. I think I’ll just stay here and drank”

Or Like ol’ Jon Conlee sang: “It’s dawn Monday morning, and I just called in sick. I skipped work last Friday, to drink this months rent…”

Tennessee still has the band Lucero.

Can’t beat that.

Can you bedowngrade them for having a fight song which has become a staple of the hippie jam band set? It’s gotten to the point a man can’t with confidence ingest a sheet of windowpane at an outdoor music fest for fear of a hellish vision of a half-bear, half-cat feral woman who “smelled like soda-pop”. Fuck you UT for ruining psychadelics for the rest of us.

Kenny Chesney uses his puka shell necklace as anal beads. Fuck that guy.

forgot linky…….

http://www.myspace.com/unknownhinson

I searched till I found them, then I cursed at the sight
Of their sleeping shadows in the cold neon light
In the dark morning silence I placed the gun to her head
She wore red dresses, but now she lay dead

-DY

I refer you to “Dick in Dixie” by Hanw Williams III:

Well some say I’m not country
and that’s just fine with me
‘Cause I don’t wanna be country
with some faggot looking over at me
They say that I’m ill-mannered
that I’m gonna self-destruct
But if you know what I’m thinkin’
you’ll know that pop country really sucks

So I’m here to put the “dick” in Dixie
and the “cunt” back in country
‘Cause the kind of country I hear now days
is a bunch of fuckin’ shit to me
They say that I’m ill-mannered
that I’m gonna self-destruct
But if you know what I’m thinkin’
you’ll know that pop country really sucks

Well we’re losing all the outlaws
that had to stand their ground
and they’re being replaced by these kids
from a manufactured town
And they don’t have no idea
about sorrow and woe
‘Cause they’re all just too damn busy
kissin’ ass on Music Row

So I’m here to put the “dick” in Dixie
and the “cunt” back in country
‘Cause the kind of country I hear nowdays
is a bunch of fuckin’ shit to me
And they say that I’m ill-mannered
that I’m gonna self-destruct
But if you know what I’m thinkin’
you’ll know that pop country really sucks

And if you know what I’m thinkin’
you’ll know that pop country really sucks

I say thank the Lord for Austin, TX (musically, not footballistically). Nashville “country” has sucked beyond description for some time now. For the uninitiated, tune to XM 12 (Cross Country). It’ll change your life if you’ve been looking for the real tunes- the Red Dirt/Americana/Outlaw Country-Rock scene is the light at the end of the American Music scene tunnel right now.

But I would like to thank the state of Tennessee for George Dickel #12…a fine, fine product.

Orson, you really are a magnificent bastard.

Laugh (#59) -

No one is saying that Nashville doesn’t share some blame for crappy country music. But your crack dealer metaphor doesn’t hold. The point was how unsound it was for the UF grad to take his hatred of a very large thing and place the blame on a single entity. Of course, country music isn’t a chemically addictive narcotic, either. Country music is more like McDonalds’ than crack. It’s unhealthy, but people everywhere buy it up like crazy. You wouldn’t place the blame for all that on Southern California, would you? (Orson might, though – “I hate USC because kids are fat!”)

And I don’t care what Ryan Adams does or doesn’t think of Tennessee. I brought him up for the alt-county loving hipsters, not for UT support. If I wanted to go for celebrity support, I go no further than Chattanooga’s own, and UT fan, Samuel L. Jackson, motherfucker.

And Mr. Pelican Pants, if you’re going to go the “Deliverance” route, it helps to know who you’re tarring. The story takes place in GEORGIA and involves four guys from ATLANTA. So you can throw Deliverance at UGA fans or Orson as you please, but using it against Tennessee is as stupid as importing a porsch-style running back and then leaving him on the bench. Also remember that the story is FICTION, that is, it doesn’t exist, much like Florida’s secondary.

We do blame Southern California for fatness. Let’s make that clear now.

I’d like to thank John Coctostan for getting in the hateful spirit that this post was meant to inspire.

And yes, our secondary sucks but it’s still good enough to shut down your “Clawfense”.

Agreed. Our passing game is most dreadful. Like Gainseville nightlife.

Pelican Pants,

Squidbillies is set in northern Georgia.

As a Florida native who lived in Nashville a few years, I’d say the whole outlaw “Fuck Nashville” thing is a bit contrived.

Yeah, most of today’s pop country sucks, but there’s always been the crap they shill to 14-year-old girls and their moms. And there’s always been the “true” artists who oppose it, whether in Nashville, Austin, NYC, LA, etc. Shitting on Nashville is a rite of passage for every songwriter who’s ever had a cliche drinkin’ n’ fuckin’ song rejected by Music Row and every Williamsburg jerk-off who decided some steel guitar would make his breakup song sound rootsy.

Most of the outlaw guys from the ‘70s (Kris, Waylon, Willie, et al) flogged sugary hits on Music Row for years before they decided to tell it to go screw and found their groove. The label executives’ feelings weren’t hurt as long the sales were good. And those outlaws still showed up for free booze at the CMAs every year.

As for the states and universities of Tennessee v. Florida, I know too many inbred half-wits and 100-cocktail-worthy heroes from each to get uppity. Glazed donuts, stolen gas cards, etc.

Everything sucks.

Rascal Flats can eat a dick. I would love to beat the ever living shit out of whatever douchebag record producer forced me to hear that shit while I was trying to get in some chicks pants at a high school party 7 years ago.

Side note, Drive By Truckers are out of the Athens, GA music scene and I would put them closer to the rock end of the spectrum than country. Seen ’em at 40 Watt three times and my ears rang for three days straight.

Your Mom @ #76…that’s the spirit…plain, unadulterated, low-brow hate…keep it up, VolMan.

I’d like to join PW and thank John Coctostan for maintaining a hateful, sarcastic tone while making his points. Isn’t that what this week is about?

That being said, I don’t want to hear about anybody’s underground, hippie, grungie, bullshit favorite starving artist in Nashville. They probably suck and that’s why we haven’t heard of them.

Finally, I don’t expect UT to win, but I do anticipate the hitting in this game to be nasty enough to convince the Gators that this is a rivalry game.

Thanks, that was very on point. I can’t believe the shit they put out today sells millions and millions of copies.

Chris Knight rights bad ass songs about rural murder, and the shitty life of the poor, and it’s not just some corporate conjecture, he grew up in a mining town in kentucky….ouch.

How about some rural violence BY a country music singer?
http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080918/TUNEIN/80918077/-1/RSS05

“We would kill someone for a good song about spooky rural murder”

The best such song belongs to Tom Waits: Murder in the Red Barn, off of the solid-from-top-to-bottom Bone Machine album.

Springsteen’s Nebraska is an entire album about Spooky Rural Murders, man.

I grew up with country thanks to my Dad, but grew out of it once I passed the age of reason. To me, country music is Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard and Woody Nelson, and a whole bunch of absolute Rhinestone Cowboy shit outside of that.

A-fuckin’-men! That shit they try to pass off now as country is closer to Boston than George Jones. It sucks.

There are exactly two tolerable country songs: “Friends in Low Places” and “The Thunder Rolls”. Everything else is worse than rap – and believe me, that’s hard to do.

A bumper sticker the local rock station was handing out at the State Fair 5 years ago said it best: “Discourage Inbreeding – Ban Country Music”.

Jim White, “The Wound that Never Heals.” Not exactly country, but the murders are definitely creepy. On the album, “No Such Place.”

The Drive By Truckers are in Athens now, but their roots are in Muscle Shoals, and they run deep. Preston Hood’s Dad and Uncle were studio musicians there along with old Spooner, now playing keyboards for DBT. Great band, more southern rock than country, though hey can rock the hell out of a country number. DBT knows the dark side of living in the South, and some of their stuff is southern gothic. Like a Faulkner novel. As to what is played on country stations now, it is crap. That is nothing new, with all the good rock and roll available in the sixtys and early seventies most stations still played bubble gum crap. It was designed to appeal to pre-teen and early teen girls, just like what passes for country today. To quote P T Barnum, "nobdy ever went broke by underestimating the American public.>

BOBBBBB…THHAT…HEEEEEEEEAAAAADDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!

@ 30, 107

To borrow from an aphoristic U.E. McGill musing: It’s a fool that looks for logic in the pages of a CF blog.

To be fair, Chris Knight has written a Nashville hit or two…“She Couldn’t Change Me” that Montgomery-Gentry did, for instance. But that does not diminish his greatness one bit.

Spooky rural murder???

You’ve got it. I don’t have the patience to read all of the replies, so this may well have been posted already.

Knoxville Girl. Originally written by somebody, popularly performed by Nick Cave. As all good country songs are.

I hate Tennessee as well, but thank God for Steve Earle.

For what it’s worth, most Knoxvillians dislike Nashville as well.

Just remember boys and girls, Deliverance was filmed in Georgia.

And if any of you wants to argue that point, I challenge you to make whitewater canoe trip in Northern Georgia without being man-raped – you can take Burt Reynolds if you want, but he’s older now and his aim with the bow has suffered from his EtOH palsy.

By the way, it is hate-week. Can we smack talk some football? Accusing Tennessee of being too-redneck is like accusing Canada of being too far north. Besides, isn’t this an SEC rivalry? Are you really claiming to not be a redneck/hillbilly/orange-mound-homeboy? Are you from New Hampshire? The SEC is redneck/hillbilly/orange-mound by the grace of God. I detect some “self-hating” in these above posts – either that or yankee “piling on.”

I submit the following in defense of my state:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdQ09pNNjaM

3dayz

+100 cocktails to #99.

I’m a lifelong Northerner, an unapologetic big-city blue-stater, and a guy whose iPod consists mostly of punk, alternative, hip-hop and old-school jazz.

But listening to Lucero’s “Tennessee” album makes me want to trade it all in for a rusty pick-up, a dirt road lined with kudzu and a ramshackle roadhouse where the only type of beer they serve is “the kind in cans.”

Some seriously good shit, right there.