YOUR HALF-BAKED, I'M HUNGRY LET'S EAT IT ANYWAY MEME: BIG 12 WOOOOO!

by Orson on Sep 17, 2008 1:31 PM EDT

There's a reason you won't hear Big 12 teams chanting "Big 12!" after victories over out of conference teams. The first is that SEC teams bind together in such circumstances thanks to our cultural proximity to a barter economy, the rule being that the closer you are to actually exchanging animal hides for money, the more likely it is that you will bond with people with totally different power interests simply because of proximity. (I hate me some proles, but when we get to tusslin' with East Asia, we're all Oceanians!)

Barry Switzer in an afro has nothing to do with this post, and you don't care because it is awesome.

If the Big 12 are our new robot overlords--and it well and truly may be, per punditry--we should come up with something to chant to taunt other conferences, and not "big 12 football clapclapclap," since the kids on the Left Coast already bit that one, and you don't want to follow their lead, now do you?

That only leads to horrific losses to the Mountain West, and we like you too much to do that to you.

The early resume, though, is as cheap and tawdry as a weekend in Nuevo Laredo with Barry Switzer: poor Willingham'd Washington got annihilated by Oklahoma, Washington State took a double beating courtesy of Oklahoma State and (AAAAAGHHHHSSPIDERS) Baylor, and those are just the brand namers. The biggest scalps metaphorically on the board: Illinois, who Missouri outsprinted in St. Louis, and Cincinnati. On the whole, unimpressive. The only team who's proven much of anything is Kansas, who at least demonstrated baseline goodness by playing a tenacious game against South Florida, and thus shutting up assholes (us) who slagged on them for playing directional gimmes instead of actual games.

The literal scalp on the wall? Very impresive: Howard Schnellenberger's, who Will Muschamp delidded as the result of an ill-advised bet before the 52-10 FAU/Texas game. "It'll grow back," said Schnelly, patting the head-sized bandage and sipping on a barrel of scotch. "It always does."

Tweet Comment 37 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

If Oklahoma turns out to be this year’s Ohio State, and there’s assloads of precedent for that position, then what keeps the Big 12 looks like the Big 10 with more passing. No?

by OhioDawg on Sep 17, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

Did he say overlords? He meant protectors. Do not arouse the anger of the Big 12, or your pass defense may never live to see another Saturday.

by TJ on Sep 17, 2008 1:39 PM EDT reply actions

Did we really need to see a photo of Barry Switzer? For you Florida types, it is as if Orson put up Fulmer’s photo on a daily basis.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

Top conference pride games this weekend:
1) Mississippi State at Georgia Tech
2) Iowa at Pittsburgh
3) Ball State at Indiana
4) Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
5) Miami at Texas A&M

by John on Sep 17, 2008 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

Hey OhioDawg, my team wouldn’t come within a pube of losing to OU (Thats O for Ohio), and we are the third best team in the Big 12 right now. Now shut your mouth and bring me the head of a baby calf, I’M STARVING!!

by Will Muschamp on Sep 17, 2008 1:46 PM EDT reply actions

@Blon – if that photo didn’t make you laugh then you, maam, have no soul.

@John – I’ll take Mississippi State + Pi.

by GamecockTony on Sep 17, 2008 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

Smart or Dumb Man Dept:

Switzer took his girlfriend AND ex-wife to a Super Bowl recently…smart or dumb? (I would vote him idiot on this one.)

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 17, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

SKLM—Smart. He was angling for the threesome with established performers.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 17, 2008 1:56 PM EDT reply actions

fear not… we are a peaceful race.

The largescale scoring of points is simply an innocuous greeting that we share with one another. We sincerely appologize if our hail mary handshake has seared your retinas.

Observe this coming conference season, where matchups will devolve into writhing orgies of touchdowns and extra points. Field goals are merely a curiosity reserved for only the most special of occasions (whoooo a defensive stop!!!).

Do not be afraid, we just want your endzones.

by CincySooner on Sep 17, 2008 1:57 PM EDT reply actions

Last month’s poll results are fucking wrong. That picture is more beautiful than Rick Neuheisel.

by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on Sep 17, 2008 1:59 PM EDT reply actions

I have NO sense of humor when it comes to OU or Barry Switzer.

Are you smiling about that Vandy game yet? I think not.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

“Oh” Dept:

OSwindle: Oh….I thought that having the ex with the current lady friend would just result in either a lot of on-going catty-ness, or if it went the other way and they got along really well, that they would just spend his money like maniacs at the mall. Had not thought about the 3-some, since people his age would probably rather have a good nap than a good _.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 17, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

Where land thieves come with bows and arrows, Texans come with guns.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 2:03 PM EDT reply actions

The Big 12? Really? We’ll see after this week’s Big East/Big 12 showdown.

Tonight: Louisville beats K-State
Thurs: WFVU lays smack down on CU
Friday: UCONN WOOOOOOOO over Baylor.

by Edsall is God on Sep 17, 2008 2:05 PM EDT reply actions

RE: #8

You should see the scouting reports. They are glorious.

by That 5.0 Guy on Sep 17, 2008 2:09 PM EDT reply actions

How old is Switzer? What is he, 70? Gads, he probably isn’t having much…Those little blue pills can only do so much.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 2:11 PM EDT reply actions

Will Muschamp – No, but you would lose to Texas A&M two years running. (You’re a Longhorn, not a WDE, right?). But you should be razzing me for UGa’s loss to Vandy last year since I’m a Bulldog fan, not a Buckeye fan.

But anyone who wants the head of a calf can’t be all bad.

by OhioDawg on Sep 17, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

SKLM-

The cattyness was probaby his strategy all along. Get them to fight over him, then use some of the ol’ Switzer recruiting magic to help them come to terms. Add some bourbon and a loaded pistol and BLAMMO!- I believe it’s called menage a trois.

by Big Jon on Sep 17, 2008 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

OhioDawg – Are you talking basketball? UGA didn’t lose to vandy last year.

by crane on Sep 17, 2008 2:31 PM EDT reply actions

#17

I referenced the wrong post. It should have been #6.

We will not lose to A&M again.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 2:40 PM EDT reply actions

Is that Robin Leach on the right?

by Dumpster Baby on Sep 17, 2008 2:44 PM EDT reply actions

Did you just reread 1984 or something, Orson?

by robert on Sep 17, 2008 2:47 PM EDT reply actions

@ Dumpster Baby- I could be wrong, but I think that’s OU President David Boren. Or, yeah, it could be Robin Leach. We are after all talking about Switzer, an afro wig, and sweet, sweet bourbon. You could tell me Jack Nicholson was the one taking the picture and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

by MaconDawg on Sep 17, 2008 2:57 PM EDT reply actions

#14
Yes, the Big East will demonstrate their dominance over the Big 12 in the form of wins against Colorado, Baylor, and Kansas State. Considering the recent theft of testicles from “WFVU” by some C-USA Buccaneers, It will definitely be a good weekend for you.

Mentioning those three games and likening it to dominance over the Big 12 reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer enrolls in a Tae Kwon Do class with kids. He gains several stellar victories, but do they really matter?

Come play against Texas, OU, Tech, Missouri, Kansas, and then we’ll talk.

by SuperTitan on Sep 17, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

Did the ASU loss make the UGA ASU game not a conference pride game? Great UGA has nothing to gain and everything to lose in this one… Stupid Sun Devils

by Jonathan on Sep 17, 2008 3:21 PM EDT reply actions

People all getting worked up over conference vs conference issues blows great blue putty balls. Teams play each other, not conferences.

by oc phil on Sep 17, 2008 3:22 PM EDT reply actions

#14

Teams had better stop underestimating Baylor. I’ve said this before on this list, but Robert Griffin (Baylor’s QB) is someone you want to watch. He turns nothing into something fast and the rest of the team is responding. Baylor may turn into one those games where you leave thinking what the hell just happened to (insert your team name here). Maybe not this year, but it’s coming.

And we may no longer think that Baylor is the school where coaching careers go to die.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 3:26 PM EDT reply actions

…conference vs conference issues blows great blue putty balls…

Now that is nice prose.

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 3:29 PM EDT reply actions

23-

I often refer to Boren as the Dmitry Medvedev of the University of Oklahoma to Switzer’s Putin. Sure, Boren is politically connected out the wazoo, but when he touches water does it turn to whisky? No.

by Them Oklahoma on Sep 17, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions

#27: I haven’t been able to see Robert Griffin much except on highlights so far, but damn he looks fast.

by Rob on Sep 17, 2008 3:42 PM EDT reply actions

He is.

http://www.wacotrib.com/sports/content/sports/college/2008/09/01/09012008wacwernercolumn.html?imw=Y

by blon on Sep 17, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions

@26: As a USC fan, your approach to conference affiliation is no surprise. MWC RULES, BABY! The rest of the Trojan schedule – its Pac-10 schedule – looks… well, to put it nicely, manageable. If I were going to use hyperbole, I’d make a reference to SoCon or something.

I think it matters, but I try to avoid at all costs bandwagon-ing onto anything that Florida accomplishes. Except for this blog. So I don’t play the SEC rules angle, either. Even though it does.

That is all.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Sep 17, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions