JOE KINES WILL BE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT

by Orson on Sep 16, 2008 4:15 PM EDT

The duke of yaw-yaw now resides in College Station, which while not as high profile as Tuscaloosa still gives Joe Kines an opportunity to speak in public and make noises into a microphone using the bullhorn lodged permanently in his throat following a painful but entertaining coaching accident in the 1970s.

BLAHGERGAGHVING BRAKTAWK= "line up on his outside shoulder."

That's all we really want out of him anyway, and as usual, Kines delivers in a frank discussion of the Aggies' defense at this point in the season using "colorful metaphors," or as you know it better, "authentic frontier gibberish." Rarurr.

Kines said the defense was still in a transition phase and needs work. He used unique metaphors to describe where his unit is.

"We have two bricks and some mortar, and everyone wants to know what color the roof is," he said. "We need to take care of the basics and specific things before we focus on the big picture. The defense right now is like my wife's cooking. It's just a fact. You can't change it whether you like it or not."

ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T LIKE MY--yes, that's couch time, one night at least, but is totally worth it as a reminder that no matter how low the Aggies may fall, we always owe them a manly clasp of the elbow and Beastmaster hug for hiring Joe Kines, the father of the inside trout and a whole canon of bizarre vocabulary all his own. (That's translated from the raw audio, which may be listened to here.)

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But is the sheriff still a ni-BONG!

by Turd Ferguson on Sep 16, 2008 4:23 PM EDT reply actions

You should really warn people to make sure they are standing a safe distance from their speakers when they click that link… really, you should just get an approved translator (a deaf guy who translates by the force of vibrations felt in his chest) to listen for you… we don’t want any injuries here.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Sep 16, 2008 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

Barking Carnival summed up Joe Kines in their yearly Big 12 preview of A&M…old man yells at clouds.

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/henryjames/2008-texas-am-football-preview-state-of-the-union

by blon on Sep 16, 2008 4:25 PM EDT reply actions

That makes me so happy………… single tear runs down cheek

by TideDruid on Sep 16, 2008 4:30 PM EDT reply actions

so his wife cooks giant turds for dinner?

by PW on Sep 16, 2008 4:36 PM EDT reply actions

I’d love to hear his conversations with his fellow Texan (via Northport) and A&M Board Member, Gene Stallings.

Double authentic frontier gibberish.

Does A&M run the Inside Trout?

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 16, 2008 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

Corrections Department (get it?): Tuscaloosa, at last glance, was a stepping stone to College Station.

Zing! Watch em go, boys!

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Sep 16, 2008 4:51 PM EDT reply actions

So that makes College Station a stepping stone to ESPN Radio?

by Picture Me Rollin on Sep 16, 2008 5:07 PM EDT reply actions

maybe his wife cooks inside trouts inside out.

by chaimy4life on Sep 16, 2008 5:51 PM EDT reply actions

Real Man Dept:

Nice to read about a Real Man that is not afraid of his Little Woman, like so many metrosexuals are nowadays.

This man ought to be on ESPN jousting with Holthh and/or Corso all day on Saturdays, instead of being stuck in the sticks out there in the middle of no-where TX. I can just imagine Kines colorfully calling out the two clown-dunces of college footbaw.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 16, 2008 6:06 PM EDT reply actions

I will pay cash money, crisp, clean, unsullied cash money to whomever will please grant this man another opportunity to be interviewed at halftime. Any halftime of any game will do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBkZO6WQ278

by boogerville on Sep 16, 2008 8:28 PM EDT reply actions

It makes me feel warm and fuzzy that he’s from the same town as me….CEDARTOWN REPRUHZENTZ YO!

by Sean Glennon's Jersey on Sep 16, 2008 9:12 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, tell His Royal Coachness Urban Mayer to “Get the fuckin car keys boys, and warm up God damned bus…we got some ra-krootin to do”

http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=850677

by Brian on Sep 17, 2008 12:03 AM EDT reply actions

After parsing his speech using The Orgeron Rosetta Stone Method, I actually think he is saying “Inside Tray-up”, aka “inside trap”. Hopefully.

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 17, 2008 7:50 AM EDT reply actions

Rosetta Stone has “Orgeron?!?” Screw French.

whips out credit card

by Xaryn on Sep 17, 2008 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

15:

The Orgeron Rosetta Stone pack is a case of High Life, a carton of filterless Camels and a side of beef.

Has there been a Coach’s Cookbook yet? Brooks’ Cow Pies, Fulmer’s Deep-Fried Choco-Surprise Krispy Kremes, Mangino’s Everything-And-The-Kitchen-Sink Platter… the SEC and the Big XII editions would be a best-seller.

by Petie on Sep 17, 2008 10:54 AM EDT reply actions