Tennessee Hate Week: Go. Good morning! Cam Newton up in this bitch!

Aaaah, that’s the way we like to start the week off: violence committed against a Tennessee football player in the ass-end of a blowout. We hate Tennessee. This is the theme for the week.

If you need a handy summary……hey, there’s one right over there! No, we didn’t mention Cal/Maryland, mostly because by the time we got around to the Alphabetical the Pac-10’s miserable day (outside of USC, natch) was a given, and everyone and their mother had watched Jahvid Best throw up delicious “green-flavored” Gatorade.

Noble honesty all around. You’d have to dig into the darkest, most oblivious corners of Rivals.com to find the delirium of “we’d have won without those frickin’ holding penalties;” the universal asskicking seemed to seep into Buckeye groundwater universally and with great intensity. Eleven Warriors earns points for honesty in the midst of immense pain. (That searing pain in your back is Clay Matthews. He’s embedded; we recommend the jaws of life for the task.)

Just taking a quick look at each position in comparison to the Trojans, including the coaches, and you see a list of mismatches. On the field, USC probably has the edge at QB, RB (sans Beanie), WR, OL, DL, LB, Safety, PK, KO, K, and Kick Return.

OSU has the edge at Corner and Punter.

But hey, Malcolm Jenkins did look good most of the night. There’s sunshine in every rain storm AIIIGHHHGGGGGH (is struck by lightning and set on fire.)

We just need to work on our penalty kicks. Auburn offensive coordinator Tony Franklin says there’s work to do, especially on counter-attacking after goal shots and on set pieces like free kicks and corners; Bulldog Maroon and White wonders what the hell Woody McCorvey is doing, and finds this brilliant understatement from MSU starting qb Wesley Carroll:

“We were one play away all night,” said Carroll, who was 10 for 25 for 78 yards and the pick. “We had them where we wanted them. We just didn’t make the play.”

Um, no. No, you did not. To an extreme unseen in our lifetime, actually. 3 to fucking 2. We’d petition the NCAA to have this game counted as a loss for both teams if we didn’t think this wasn’t what Tommy Tuberville’s Platonic idea of an awesome victory.

Harkonnen suit, ordered and ready. Charlie Weis will wait for knee surgery following the season’s hottest “fattie go boom” internet video. Actual footage follows!

In the meantime, there are…solutions to this transport problem.