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September 13, 2008

AUBURN UNITED VS. MISSISSIPPI AC LEYERKUSEN: BY THE NUMBERS

Presented without comment:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B.

Exhibit C:

And to all a good night.

Filed under: ALL THAT YOU KNOW IS AT AN END, LOLdrivecharts, huge man-eating rats by Holly

[ 56 Replies ]

56 Responses to “AUBURN UNITED VS. MISSISSIPPI AC LEYERKUSEN: BY THE NUMBERS”

1

NewAZTiger says:

Tuberville was saving all his coupons for LSU.

ALL. OF. THEM.

And now for a statistical breakdown.

Auburn had 316 yards of offense – or about 1 point per 100 yards.
Auburn had 72 plays – or about 24 plays per point.
Auburn scored 50% more points than MSU, and in fact, scored all the points in the game.

And I’m betting the KC/Raiders game goes 3-2 tomorrow.

September 14th, 2008 at 12:13 am
2

Brandon Cox's Vagina says:

PUNTING IS WINNING!!!

September 14th, 2008 at 12:13 am
3

Excuse me Stewardess, but I speak jive says:

as an Auburn fan, i must say that it is the worst showing in nearly 3 decades i’ve been watching games. Our shut-out handed to us from USC a few years ago was more fun to watch than this baseball score game and punter’s battle…
a best friend and tOSU fan texted me at the end with “I’d rather lost to USC 50-0 than beat MSU 3-2.” I agree.
wow. I almost want to abort MY first born after that game………

September 14th, 2008 at 12:15 am
4

jamiedawg says:

I am still laughing at that game…just the score, 3-2, makes me giggle.

September 14th, 2008 at 12:37 am
5

Rob says:

Well look at that, Auburn’s baseball team is showing some spunk!

Wait, you mean it isn’t baseball season yet?

September 14th, 2008 at 12:56 am
6

Holly says:

I’ma record this sucker and watch it over and over whenever I’m having a bad day.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:05 am
7

MBD says:

#5 you mean Auburn’s soccer team don’t you?
Wait………it wasn’t soccer either?

September 14th, 2008 at 1:15 am
8

Year2-Dave says:

That was half the game that Iowa and Penn State played in 2004! No really, because I am speaking of the infamous 6-4 game.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:17 am
9

Das German says:

I think you have just made a lot of enemies in Leverkusen by comparing it to Starkville. Let me propose the following name: SC Mississippi, now you have a german soccer team name.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:22 am
10

boogerville says:

@3 — Your tOSU friend is very, very stupid.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:44 am
11

Will says:

if I heard the words “ugly” and “win” one more time during that broadcast I was going to dismantle my tv.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:58 am
12

Big Jon says:

Defeat and Bushmills go together like bread and butter.

Still dealing with the Arizona State loss. Had to bust out the old tape of us beating U of A (over and over) just to cheer myself up enough to get to sleep.

This must be karma for laughing too hard at Michigan ‘07, Tenn. last week, etc. Who knew schadenfreude bit back?

And by the way, Pat Tillman is wrecking UA’s ‘96 offense. 56-14, natch.

September 14th, 2008 at 3:14 am
13

JD says:

Too bad the game didn’t go to overtime so the Bulldogs could get a point in the standings. Oh wait, this isn’t hockey…

Kind of a blow to the “SEC is far and away the best conference in America” argument. There’s good defense, and then there’s fucking inept, and 3-2 is fucking inept.

September 14th, 2008 at 3:27 am
14

Legal Hokie says:

Rewatching this game right now is much sadder, knowing how it turns out. You spend the entire game realizing it will always end in failure.

September 14th, 2008 at 3:48 am
15

Signal to Noise says:

There are scoreless matches in the EPL where both sides showed more offensive initiative than either Auburn or Miss State. That is a sad, sad fact.

September 14th, 2008 at 4:39 am
16

Chas says:

Punt on!
Punt on!
With hope in your heart!
And you’ll never punt alone!
You’ll never, ever punt alone!

September 14th, 2008 at 5:42 am
17

GO BUCKEYES! says:

@9 –

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Please forward all karmic retribution for my laughter to OSU… wait, USC seems to have already done that…

September 14th, 2008 at 5:50 am
18

BAR says:

They did manage to win though. At least they didn’t embarass themselves and lose to an unranked team like Maryland.

September 14th, 2008 at 6:27 am
19

Adam says:

SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC!

September 14th, 2008 at 6:41 am
20

Old Ducker says:

I found this game more interesting than USC vs tOSU. Just when you thought you had seen the most ineptitude on offense since the 1982 Oregon State Beavers by one, the other would surpass it in ineptitude. Of course the ‘82 BarkRats weren’t ranked ninth in the nation. I don’t think I’ve ever been so offended by lack of offensiveness. Put leather helments on all those guys and beam them back to 1915, scotty.

PS. Harvard in 1915 would have kicked all their asses, and Sewanee….well I don’t even want to think about it.

September 14th, 2008 at 6:54 am
21

WarDamnEagle says:

Oh, yeah, I can’t wait for the EDSBS Live board tomorrow night…

September 14th, 2008 at 6:57 am
22

NativeSon says:

Anyone take the Under?

September 14th, 2008 at 7:07 am
23

NewAZTiger says:

I’m still laughing. 3-2.

One thing is for certain, AU’s D is the proverbial werewolf with a chainsaw for a dick.

September 14th, 2008 at 7:10 am
24

bart says:

4.5 yards perrplay isn’t bad, the 2 missed fg’s,12 penalties and 3 to’’s were what made it so hard to watch, MSU’s front four came to play, they’ll whip someone their supposed to lay down for. I guess the OSU fan that would rather lose is just used to losin big games, i was glad Tubs kept it vanilla and will definiely be using Kodi next week with no real film on him other than the clemson game last year, glad to have escaped the sec with a road win.

September 14th, 2008 at 8:01 am
25

Der Schatten says:

Essss Eeeeee Ceeeeee

GGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

September 14th, 2008 at 8:21 am
26

InsaneCoachPosse says:

this game was like watching two headless giants clubbing each other… didn’t matter where the club struck, you knew it was painful – but neither team ever hit a vital organ

and it just went on and on and on

September 14th, 2008 at 8:39 am
27

NewAZTiger says:

USC-tOSU gave us the Collision in the Coliseum (with tOSU being on the Moped and USC being the coked up driver behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler doing 90).

AU-MSU gave us the Dud at Davis Wade.

The local Mobile Paper led with the headline “Pointless Offense”. Not quite accurate for Auburn, as it scored 5 points on O, but hits home nonetheless.

September 14th, 2008 at 8:43 am
28

Biggus Rickus says:

Watching this game really took the sting out of watching Georgia’s ineptitude earlier in the day.

Also, I think we have the actual answer to the Neuheisel poll question, and it is: Mormons. Mormons are far more beautiful than His Coachness.

September 14th, 2008 at 9:33 am
29

NCT says:

Love, love, love the drive chart tag, Holly.

I’m having a great time imagining truckloads of awkward silence as Tuberville and Franklin review game film together.

September 14th, 2008 at 10:24 am
30

blon says:

3-2. That’s a baseball score.

September 14th, 2008 at 10:37 am
31

Hook'em Tide says:

#27
it was a pointless offense. Special teams scored 3 points. the offenes GAVE MSU 2 points. At no point did the “offensive unit” score. Mobile’s Pamphlet of Trugh got it right, Thomas Paine style. Auburn got off the bus, threw up all over the field. It was like watching TWO GIRLS AND A CUP over and over and over and over and over. . .
Roll tide.

September 14th, 2008 at 10:54 am
32

Brian says:

Did they let the starter go nine innings on this one, or was he on a strict pitch count?

September 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am
33

Allahver Fist says:

That game really whet my appetite for Caddyshack 3.

September 14th, 2008 at 11:15 am
34

Wes says:

As an Auburn fan, all I have to say is ‘Al Borges, you fantastic fat man, come back to us in this, our hour of peril.’ It’s official, high school offenses do not work in the SEC. Thank God for Paulie Rhodes.

September 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
35

jakldawg says:

Please, if that was a soccer match, you’d think either team would have made more of their field goals.

September 14th, 2008 at 11:43 am
36

pick6bamr says:

MSU plays some of the most unwatchable horrible football games, I had to sit through MSU-Citadel in 2004…worst 4 quarters of football I’ve ever endured…worse than MSU-Maine…the scary thing is I really believe that their ineptitude is contagious…think MSU-UF or MSU-UA last year. I think we need to purge the SEC of Croom before he infects other SEC programs…it may be too late for Auburn

September 14th, 2008 at 11:44 am
37

John says:

Is Orson planning a post on Pepper visiting an injured Charlie Weis fresh off the victory over Michigan?

September 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
38

jakldawg says:

#36 inept football is apparently good enough to beat the Tide two years straight (and we didn’t play The Citadel, that was Ole Miss).

September 14th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
39

meatybob says:

That game was the greatest parlor trick I have ever seen. To actually have 300+ yards and only 3 points, its like “Lost”, but you are the only person where nothing remarkable happens to you.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
40

beast in 'bama says:

Much like inter-species erotica, I was disgusted and repulsed and… and I couldn’t look away.

WORST GAME EVAR!!

September 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
41

pasta troy says:

Due to the low score of last nights game I can safely relate Tony Franklin to Bob Wickman. He was supposed to be hot shit, but we bring him in and he shits all over everything.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
42

DC Trojan says:

John @ 37 – I’m pretty sure that happy Charlie Weis thought he was talking to Pepper during the post game press-conference. Whatever he was having, I want some.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
43

E. Hemingway says:

To die.
In the rain.

September 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
44

BamaCPA says:

More scoring at an Amish prom !

September 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
45

SeanD says:

CTT is like Wile E Coyote. He keeps ordering Offensive Coordinators from Acme but he still winds up at the bottom of the hill with the boulder on top of him.

September 14th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
46

Janus09 says:

3-2, Most SEC score ever?

Or maybe 7-6?

September 14th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
47

JD4AU says:

Funny thing is, AU had 323 yards of total offense against the Bullies and lost 19-15 (to go to 1-2).

Tuberville, being the deft magician that he is, convinced Brandox Cox and the Aubs two weeks later that they were better than the Flying Tebows … in the Swamp.

College football can be a strange game (if you aren’t Oklahoma and USC).

September 14th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
48

marcillac says:

I’m sorry. I dunno about watching the whole thing but the last 8 minutes or so of the game were absolutely magnificient. The astonishing and persistant offensive futility was endlessly glorious.

3-2 was a great joy to be sure but really 4-3 would have been better. Thank God someone didn’t score a touchdown or generate a field goal by actually moving the ball. Such perfidy would have undermined the very essence of this masterpiece.

Will definately DVR for repeated vieweings (of the last quarter at least).

September 14th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
49

JD4AU says:

Meant to say:

Funny thing is, AU had 323 yards of total offense LAST YEAR against the Bullies and lost 19-15 (to go to 1-2).

September 14th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
50

WarCardinals says:

I have to own up to something.

First of all, I was in the woods this weekend, so only got to listen to the last ten minutes of AU/MSU, which were dreadful. But I have to take some shit.

As I was laughing at the ineptitude shown by Michigan, Tennessee, Notre Damn, and Syracuse the first two weeks of the season, I would be in a game live chat and say something like “if Tennessee and Syracuse played, the final would be 3-2.” I know I said that last week for this week’s ND-Michigan game. I’ve never felt worse after an Auburn win in my life. I’m embarrassed. The only time the spread has actually looked good wince we hired Franklin was when Clemson spent all its practices preparing for Borges’ offense, and we surprised ‘em with Franklin’s. Other than that, it’s been pretty craptastic.

The only question now is, do we lose to LSU by single- or double-digits?

September 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
51

SpartanDan says:

marcillac: I want to see a game go into OT 6-6, with one team scoring two FGs and the other three safeties (or a TD with failed PAT run back for two the other way, plus two safeties).

Or if PSU had managed to get in FG range after Iowa’s intentional safety in that 6-4 game, PSU would have had the weirdest 7 points ever.

September 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
52

MiseanAUFan says:

[i]Our shut-out handed to us from USC a few years ago was more fun to watch than this baseball score game and punter�s battle�[/i]

Let’s not get crazy.

“I�d rather lost to USC 50-0 than beat MSU 3-2.�

Let’s not get stupid.

September 15th, 2008 at 6:09 am
53

ChemE93 says:

All I know is that 3-2 in 2008 is better than 1-2 in 2007.

September 15th, 2008 at 7:47 am
54

A Clean Kick To The Facemask says:

Auburn’s offense: providing ammunition for the Finebaum show since 2006….goddammit.

September 15th, 2008 at 8:26 am
55

WarDamnMe says:

@50
Traitor

We will look like world beaters against LSU this weekend, just wait.

September 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am
56

shmahsmouf fuhbaw says:

Only one AU coach in the past 35 years would have been disappointed in the outcome of this game.

He’s still for hire.

(I’m just sayin’)

September 16th, 2008 at 8:32 am