This week’s injury reports compiles the most significant injuries impacting games this weekend from our corps of top-flight sources and wire reports.

Notre Dame: QB Jimmy Clausen, split ends. Game-time decision.

Ohio State: Beanie Wells, Foot. He will play, but will wear a protective chinstrap beard as a precaution.


Better safe than sorry: strap it on, Beanie.

South Florida: Jim Leavitt, fractured vocal cords. Day-to-day.

Oklahoma: No injuries. Assholes.

Maryland: QB Chris Turner, severe stroke. Expected to play with no visible effects against Cal.

Missouri: QB Chase Daniel, gout, lumbago, and arthritis. Expected to play.

Syracuse: Syracuse. Out four months at least.

Tennessee: RB Arian Foster: Seventh Day Adventist, out indefinitely. Jonathan Crompton: evolution. Expected to play.

West Virginia: 3rd degree burns to dignity. Expected to play.

Virginia Tech: FB Devin Perez, food poisoning. No, really: food poisoning. It takes serious, doo-doo meat gut-rot to keep you out this long, like the kind you get by mistakenly ordering Wendy’s new U-238 Burger: guaranteed to give you Das Boot.