EDSBS "WOMEN IN PANTS WITH LIQUOR" CALENDAR: COMING SOON

So, Orson’s opinions of Playboy are similar to mine on Bond Girls: Once we hit a certain point (I argue that it’s Diamonds are Forever and/or Live and Let Die), the Bond Girls just get entirely too skinny.

I’ll take Tiffany Case all day long. Real curves are swanky!

Thank you Orson and Gen. Stoopnagle. It is nice to find men who know that waifs on the runway are warped images.

36-25-36 measurements are just fine thank you. I have hips and damn proud of that fact.

Lana Wood (Plenty O’Toole) was one of the hottest Bond girls and sexier than her more famous sister Natale.

“A superb credit rating, a proficiency with firearms, the ability to make a quality cocktail and then enjoy it, loyalty, and the understanding that, for at least an hour a day, we don’t want to talk to anyone and would prefer to be left the hell alone.”

I want this engraved on my tombstone.

ok, blon…
MANDATE!!!

It is my belief that when Playboy started showing girls with tattoos, it went down hill from there. I like my women ink free.

WOOOOOO!!!! ESS EEE SEE BEAV!!!

I have to agree with Crabapple, ink on a chick just screams “Hepatitis C” somehow someway, either via the tattoo or the inked dudes she ran around with.
My grandad always said “Never marry or trust a woman who has tattoos , smokes and can shoot pool.
One night stands, have all ya want, just dont try to make ’em honest.” So that basically eliminated all my choices in lower Alabama for a few years.
Show me a woman that fits that criteria, and I’ll show you a woman who needs a co-signer-forever…..

On Tebow’s decision to forego the Playboy Honor:
“‘I just think Playboy is a very classy and well-respected magazine,’ she said.”

Those who use the term, classy, aren’t.

1. must be a yellow haired beauty from [insert rival’s school name here]. Why? Because she’s a blond with no “d” Zinger!!!!

My name is Ronnie Wilson, and I approve this message, with a celebratory burst of machine gun fire.

There may not be as much SEC bewbs up here in Big Ten Land. But it certainly did take Big Ten brains to found the magazine. You are talking about the most celebrated and beloved Illinois Alum here man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Hefner#Early_life

Here’s a fun fact, he graduated a year after my dead grandfather, and noted conservative columnist and Valerie Plame outer Bob Novak. I like to think at one point or another they were all in the same class.

I guess that makes Deadspin the Maxim of five years ago. Insert snide analogy.

Damn! I wanted to be known as Plenty O’Toole.

“This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags!”

@ blon

36-25-36? Haha, only if she’s 5’3

Angst in Pants Dept:

I like the Old Bond babes AND the New Bond babes. No reason to be nit-picky.

Overall great post, but, babes in pants are not as attractive as babes is skirts, shorts and even jorts. Exhibit “A”:

I prefer Sarah Barracuda over Hillary Chunky-Ankles-Stand-by-Your-Scumbag-Man-Pant-Suits-Wearing Clinton.

“consuming eight to ten hours of football every Saturday in the fall”

suit yourself, but i prefer football to be another excuse for either alone time or hanging with the boys. she has shopping and mani/pedi’s…i have sports. neither one of us is interested in the other (though we put up with it from time to time) and that’s the way we both like it.

Awww, Orson, you say the nicest things. I’m one of those women who loves football, computer/console gaming and other “guy” stuff. And no, I’m not a lesbian. I like living in the South, because at least there’s a better than 50% chance of finding other women who like football as well. Not having much luck on the gaming thing though. :(

see: Barbarella. That hot, commie luvin’ whore.
mmmm mmmm mmmm

As a resident of Madison WI for most of the last 10 years, I can say without fear of contradiction that the statement “There weren’t any girls from the Big Ten who were hot enough to be on the cover, so they had to pull someone from the SEC,” is a gem of breathtaking, solvent snorting, crack smoking, stupidity. Anyone who believes that about the women of the big 10 is advised to stay the hell away. Like I need more competition (in the case of the men) or distraction (in the case of the women)

Mr Swindle, sir… if that sexy ass UF public relations major who seems to be pondering her next move

wants to bend over on a Everyday Should Be Saturday

I’m ready to publicly admit I’ll jack my big one thinking of her sexy ass every Saturday morning during the college football season.

I have less than a year to be married to my “better half” for 40 years. I love her as much today as I loved her when she was a freshman at UGA. Seventeen years old. Red clay between her toes. Goofy and unassuming as hell.

National merit scholar, scholarships, a mind that I mined pertaining to biblical “begets” while working NYT crosswords.

Playboy model…..no. Flannel warmth in February, altruistic tendencies and an understanding of cover two/prevent/slants/delayed blitz and coverage shells….yes.

Gentlemen, open your eyes.

1. Those are my measurements and I’m damn glad to have hips, thank you.

1. There should be more men like you in the world.

Thank you.

Hey blon… You got my attention!

oh btw, just wondering C, D, DD, E, EE???

blon -

Don’t worry, I wasn’t trying to insult you, just quoting that wise old sage, Sir Mix-a-lot. (I assume when you called out #13 you were talking to me, since when I posted I was #13)

WE DA BEST!

Oops, I meant 30 years.

Oh, and Mike…..If you are going to storm beachheads, the size of the dunes should be the least of your concerns. Btw, are you an A&M ass?

Hey, now. If he is currently enlisted—and his IP address would indicate he is—he needs any and all ass he can get his hands on.

I said #19 when I meant #22. hlh, your wife is very lucky.

My measurements weren’t stated to intrigue anyone. Real women have brains and hips.and rarely are we a size 0 without some sort of medical issue like bullemia or chronic starvation.

But Mike, we thank you for your service to our country. From one of those liberal elites.

FYI: Piggies postponed until September 27th.

There being no women in Big Televen territory hot enough to grace the cover of Playboy is news to me. During four years in Iowa, I saw quite a few head turners in Hawkeye gear.

Fake tits and a pencil thin waist never did a whole lot for me after I actually started dating and realized that many of that sort sometimes lacked half a brain in their heads, so Playboy centerfolds now just get a “meh.”

I pretty much agree with everything stated previously……we do need more naked asian chics.

My hairy belly is yours forever Tia Tequila.

So many things to comment on…looking forward to the annual “Girls of the _” issue. (Unfortunately, one year they did “Girls of the Ivy League.” That just didn’t work out.)

#2. Just as long as the first 36 isn’t followed by an “A”.

#3. Bond girls have always been hot…like any of you wouldn’t nail Ursula Andress. (Edit: Aside from Grace Jones. That bit of jungle fever was just plain wrong. Shudder.)

#4. Not sure if I want someone who period-ically might want to aim said firearms at my groin. Everything else is agreeable.

#6. Add plastic bags in the chest to that. Just unnatural and freakish at times. Exhibit A: Pam Anderson, who messed with perfection and went downhill but fast.

#7. Unfortunately, there probably aren’t any to be found. I’m not a fan of the Augusta-like 13-on-the- stimpmeter playing surface. A nicely groomed fairway, or even the first cut of rough is more appealing.

#9. Compared to Swank and Juggs, it is classy and well respected.

#17. Inconceivable. Interest in sports, and ability to discuss said sports, is a numero uno requirement.

#20. As the custodian of my buddy’s subscription while he’s overseas for work, I eagerly anticipate the curvaceous display of Scandanavian descendants from your state and the one to the west-northwest. I should get the issue in the next couple of days.

Finally, hell no. I most certainly do not read it for the articles.

Goodnight now.

Orson, do you see what taking away our bunda friday has done?

we have started fantasizing about Big 10 women…sheesh

Wait a minute…this chick is a Florida student…isn’t she supposed to have fat arms?

But Raider Red’s wife DOES read it for the articles.

She also likes her mani/pedis and nights out with the girls, but not on Saturdays in the fall (or really any day between August and May that involves a major sporting event). She’s even willing to subject herself to the unholy carnage that will be SMU v. Texas Tech in Lubbock this weekend. At least it’s live football (sort of). Couples that play together, stay together.

Can we please bring back bunda.

Please.

Cheesecake?

Anything?

Not that I don’t agree with most of what’s been said here — except the stuff about pants, which I maintain are overrated — but Orson, doesn’t turning up your nose at the current crop of Playmates sort of veer into the territory of the bloggers-can’t-be-choosers bunda-snobbery you’ve decried in past comments threads?

(Said the guy who’s nursing a 15-month dry spell and once said Nancy Pelosi was “cute.”)

As for any requests for Cheesecake: it’s idiot bait. Leave it out there long enough, and the idiots show up. It’s dead forever because we hated the misogyny and stupidity that resulted—both ours, and yours. It’s done. Forever. Stop asking. Thanks.

No misogyny? What good is being male without that?

It’s idiot bait? So says the man who just posted a picture of a fucking monkey in a tie with the caption “You said titties? Please, go on.”

It’s an election year…let’s leave the misogyny out of sports and keep it where it does the most good…political campaigns.

It is idiot bait, Timugen. Sure, at first just the beautiful birds show up and nibble on it. Then, the squirrels, and then the raccoons, and then here comes the whole neighborhood. Soon Sasquatch starts knocking at your window wanting pound cake. At that point, the cycle is complete.

Orson, on the road to Damascus or frequently cross-linking with TSN? Discuss. Or not. Some of that latin american stuff scared me anyway.

As someone who, uh, like his oatmeal lumpy shall we say – I was certainly able to find happiness in the land of the Big Televentywelve/MAC. However, having spent the past weekend back at an SEC tailgate for the first time in the proverbial coon’s age, I enjoyed the window shopping that was available.

golf clap, Orson, for the demise of the cheesecake. Not that I don’t love women, often in sets, but I’m reasonably sure there may be naked women on the internet elsewhere.

Also, when designing an ideal woman, don’t skimp on curves. Really. When you think you’re done, add just a touch more.

I think a Sasquatch would be more naturally attracted to a well-dressed monkey than a beautiful (and hairless) piece of genuine bunda.

TSN doesn’t care, and that’s written into the deal: This remains independent. It’s our call entirely.

Timugen @ 41 – I think you’ll find those are chimps in the picture, not monkeys.

Yours etc.,

Marlon Perkins.

+1 to many of you, for understanding what a woman should look like. You know who you are.

That said, I still prefer my women pantsless.

raider red @ 33

have you succeeded in finding said woman who has an interest in and is able to disuss sports?? b/c if you have i’m betting it either has, or will get old. who the hell wants to spend that much time together?? not to mention add another subject you can argue about??

Gerry Dorsey, you get a C in reading comprehension. (See post #36.) We’ve been together for over eight years, and no, I will not get tired of someone who’s smart, funny, has a tremendous natural rack, shares my interests, and makes nice bank.

Although she does pull for Team Donkey. Nobody’s perfect.

Gerry @ 51,

Uh, yeah. That’s pretty much why he married me. That and the curves. See post at #36.

If you don’t get bored talking about sports and attending sporting events with guys, why would Raider Red get bored talking about sports and attending sporting events with a a woman who sleeps with him? Do you find that penises hold your attention better than boobs?

hey smart guy…considering i referenced #33, do you think maybe that means i didn’t read #36?? omission not lack of comprehension.

and kudos to you, but i ain’t interested. i don’t want my girlfriend to be able to discuss sports for the same reason i’m not interested in 90% of what (insert female sideline reporter) has to say. flame on that.

or maybe if i spend too much time with women i find them to be a tremendous pain in the ass b/c they tend to make ignorant ass statements like the one you just made.

I prefer for my women to have a limited knowledge/interest in sports. And I’ve learned that they likewise prefer for me to have limited knowledge/interest in their girlie activities.

Gerry Dorsey—

Maybe women enjoy pissing you off because you’re rude and dismissive.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed that there is a subsection of heterosexual men who hate women for anything but sex and housework, and a subsection of heterosexual women who hate men for anything but sex and income. They often pair up together. As sick as it seems, some of those marriages work really well— as long as they don’t have to spend time together. It’s like an odd form of homosexuality— homofrienduality. Separate spheres and all that.

You must understand, though, that for those of us who like and respect the opposite sex, and our partners, that you sound a bit off.

oh jeezus…here we go. now i’m a woman hater. let the overreacting begin.

do you know me tcoan?? no you don’t. not only do i love women, but i respect women, not that i give a shit what anyone on a college football blog thinks on the subject.

‘m not even going to participate in some gender war. all i did was state what my preferences in a girl, someone else stated theirs, and than said person’s wife had to go imply that i like cock. my statement was meant to call a single person’s statement ignorant…not an entire gender. take a deep breath b/c you’re unnecessarily barking up the wrong tree.

DiamondM and Red Raider,

A Tech and SMU marriage? Talk about odd couples… But it is nice to hear from the happily married.

Gerry, don’t plan on spending much time in Texas. Women are expected to know about sports, especially football. Besides religion, guns and executions, it is a continual topic of conversation.

+100 cocktails to TCOAN, diamondm, and blon….intelligent, successful, and insightful women make the world go round. Trust me, I too am a woman who talks sports with men on my construction site all day. Some how my lack of “ignorant ass statements” and ACTUAL knowledge has gained me more respect than showing off my tits. Imagine that?!

lived in texas for 7 years now blon. the last 2 of which with my non sports talking girlfriend. and she is very happy with her sports loving, respectful boyfriend.

chloe i never said that talking sports makes you ignorant, only implying that i like cock b/c i like to watch sports with my buddies.

Aww, Gerry, I’m just busting your chops. I think it’s healthy and fine to have totally separate interests from your girlfriend (really, no sarcasm). But come on, with that “ignorant ass” comment, you had to know we were going to start screeching at you. :)

“I respect women, but if I spend too much time with them I find them to be a tremendous pain in the ass.”

Cognitive dissonance: It’s what’s for dinner!

Chloe,
I’ve actually had one boyfriend (in high school) that was uncomfortable with the fact that I knew about as much, or maybe as much, as he did. He probably didn’t like the fact that I could tell him what went wrong in every game, especially when he screwed up.

And he went on to play CF. The schools in Texas weren’t interested so he went on to play in the SEC. (Sorry, just had to add that in for another prop for the Big 12.)

Men. Fascinating, yet…

Gerry – It’s ok. I like to watch sports with my guy friends too.

Gerry—What? Now you’re saying you don’t like cock? Goddammit. Delete that picture I just sent you. IT LOOKS BIGGER IN PERSON, DAMMIT STOP LAUGHING!!!

tcoan,

an ignorant post resulted in an ignorant post. what can i say??

and now i have to bail on this ass whipping of gerry as its causing me to fall behind on my misogynist business endeavors…strip clubs and brothels if you’re curious.

Apparently Florida’s experiencing some unseasonably cold weather, eh, Orson?

On a serious note- can someone explain dating girls that aren’t sports fans to me? I’m not judging, really I’m not, but I would have a hard time being with someone long-term who didn’t understand why it is right and proper that the entire state of Ohio be removed from North America and cast into the sea.

#68

Ohio, not a problem for me. But the other “O” state- Oklahoma. Just cut it right on out of the US.

Or better yet, why can’t Canada just adopt Ohio?

blon – I understand your irrationalized hatred towards Oklahoma…but really it has so little to offer the rest of the world (trust my 24 years of living there) just let it have ONE CFB team…

Chloe,
Please tell me aren’t living there now…If so, GET OUT NOW. SAVE YOURSELF.

Do any of you watch HGTV? I know, I know, a girlie thing to do. Have you seen David Bromstad’s show? This guy looks like Sam Bradford. I knew I couldn’t hate that kid for some reason. He has great style and a profound sense of color.

http://www.bromstad.com/

blon – No no. I got out. Officially about 5 years ago when I graduated with my B.S., unofficially in ‘99. I’m now in Orson’s neck of the woods. I try not to go back to OK but for some reason my parents have yet to leave…

And no I haven’t seen that show, but now I might start watching…

70 —Or better yet, why can’t Canada just adopt Ohio?

Comment by Chloe Denmark — September 11, 2008 @ 11:46 am

Because then all our rednecks (a.k.a., DG’s family reunion) would have to learn French.

Well…this discussion took an interesting turn while I was attending to actual business.

I think it can best be summed up by “it takes all kinds.”

God, how I love you, EDSBS.

blon, you don’t hate Ohio?

You must be new here. Give it time.

Sorry to flame and run, but I actually worked very hard today earning that bank Raider Red mentioned. It was fun reading what ensued though.

Just to clarify — Gerry, I didn’t actually think you liked cock better than boobs, it was sarcasm.

And now I’ve got to go participate in yet another boring sporting event with Raider Red.

Jebus @ 68 – Mrs DC Trojan isn’t much interested in sports, but since she grew up in Ann Arbor, she has a keen appreciation of the need to dispose of Ohio. I think that most Michiganders would be willing to do their part.

#78

No, I don’t hate Ohio. I haven’t spent much time there, but it was a lovely state. The people were very friendly. If I had a Michigan plate it might have been a different story?

I’m from Texas. We detst Oklahoma. We come out of the womb hating Okies and that continues on well into the grave.

I cannot believe the land thieves aren’t coming out in spades on this site. They are wining big, will most likely end up in the NC game, QB in the Heisman talk, etc… something is up.