CURIOUS INDEX, 9/9/08

by Orson on Sep 9, 2008 9:44 AM EDT

Chase Clement is the only gun for hire that can clean up this town. Chase Clement rides across the West, looking only an honest man, a clean woman, and whiskey that rattles the hinges off your doors.

Clement-to-Dillard may be one of the better mindmelds between receiver and qb in the nation with 4 tds in two games already. Sadly, Dillard will be killed by Indians in the sixth episode, taking an arrow for Clement, who will then drag his fallen comrade's body all the way back to Texas in a final, harrowing act of loyalty.

Doc Saturday documents the pregame hubbub surrounding OSU/USC, and tells you what your gambling hand already knew: no one thinks OSU will win, the line keeps going up, and that compared to Pete Carroll, Jim Tressel looks like a constipated mortician. Only Matt Hayes seems to think this will be close for four quarters thanks to their "manhood being threatened." What Hayes forgets: USC's manhood is bigger, and tends not to go limp in pressure situations.

Miami's Jarvarris James, gimpy. Jarvarris James has a "high ankle sprain" sustained in the first quarter of the Florida game, or as we like to call it, a "low knee sprain." He'll miss the 'Canes next week, which won't really matter: Steven McGee is banged-up plus Miami's hellacious defense equals instant bank credit of seven points for Miami, meaning a final score of 10-0 in the game based on both the Aggies' and the Canes' offensive performances in 2008.

Fanhouse has your worst moments thus far, and one underreported story thus far mentioned within: the crapulent start by Arkansas, who has had to rely on two fourth quarter comebacks late against Western Illinois and ULM for one of the more deceptive 2-0 records in all the land. Panic, people of Gotham Fayetteville.

You're seeing things. Panic anyway.

Please speak with our customer service representative. MountainLair has it about right there.

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The theme for Ohio State this week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9W0tGIXBfA

Also, I don’t know what to think. Hayes and Paige disagree and I usually just think the opposite of them. I guess I’ll have to predict an Ohio State blowout.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 9, 2008 9:54 AM EDT reply actions

Arkansas may be distracted by Petrino’s back-channel lobbying for the Michigan job.**

Note: May or may not actually be true, but plausible.

by DevilGrad on Sep 9, 2008 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

chase clement is your huckleberry.

by gerry dorsey on Sep 9, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

Does that make Houston Nutt the Joker?

The Riddler?

Catwoman?

by GeneralZod on Sep 9, 2008 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

Terry Bowden = The Penguin, FTW

by This Is Your Captain Speaking on Sep 9, 2008 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

That would be about as accurate a portrayal of physical karmic manisfestation as I’ve ever seen.

by Bobby Decatur on Sep 9, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

DevilGrad – I believe the following may be more accurate:

Arkansas may be distracted by Petrinos back-channel lobbying for any head coaching job anywhere in the country at whatever level as long as they pay him lots and lots of money and pay for his moving expenses. **

Note: May or may not actually be true, but plausible.

by hobeg8r on Sep 9, 2008 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

Mustache Wednesday just called….

by ThreenOut on Sep 9, 2008 10:24 AM EDT reply actions

Chase Clement looks like he’s wearing one of the disguises from the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” video. Either that, or walked on camera immediately after receiving a Dirty Sanchez.

by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on Sep 9, 2008 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

I take back everything dismissive I said about Rice last night during EDSBS Live. That mustache is full of WIN.

by Seven Years in Gainesville on Sep 9, 2008 10:32 AM EDT reply actions

I saw the interview w/ Chase Daniel…. er…Clement…. on the Gameday preseason special, and much of the discussion was about his fine lip coiffe. My first thoughts were "OMFGMustachWednesdayNEEEDSThis!!!!!’

Sadly, I am but a layman, for I know not how to point a digital camera at my television.

My penance was great, for I sat and watched far too many football games in the abysmally scheduled “Week 2”

by vegas_buckeye on Sep 9, 2008 10:50 AM EDT reply actions

Not what I’m hearing, DevilGrad — my sources tell me Petrino is headed to Jackson, Mississippi, just as soon as Mike DuBose gets caught bending his secretary over the desk at Millsaps.

by Doug on Sep 9, 2008 10:50 AM EDT reply actions

Clement (to the dying Dillard): “What do you want legs for anyway? You don’t like to do nothing but sit on the porch and drink whiskey!”
Dillard: “I like to kick a pig every once in a while. How would I do that?”

Meanwhile, Blue Duck (Texas) menacingly awaits their arrival down on the Llano Estacado…

by beast in 'bama on Sep 9, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Arkansas at 2-0, huh…well, Clubber Lang has a prediction for the Hogs and their trip to Austin this Saturday: “Pain.”

by spartymike on Sep 9, 2008 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

One night a wild young cowboy came in, wild as the West Texas wind…

Dashing and daring, a drink he was sharing,

With wicked Felina, the girl that I love.

by sonofsamford on Sep 9, 2008 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

You really have to watch out for those smart kids. They sneak up on you. Just ask Spurrier.

by blon on Sep 9, 2008 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

Its…its like two caterpillars doing some sort of mating ritual.

by Big Jon on Sep 9, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

That mustache must be a result of a bet. No other explanation can suffice for allegedly smart kids (Texas smart, but still) have that affront against man and God perching on his lip.

by Albino Tornado on Sep 9, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions