HE WANDERS LONELY AS A CLOUD

by Orson on Sep 8, 2008 12:58 PM EDT

Knowshon! How you doing, kid? Feeling good? Thinking right?

Nah, coach. I feel...empty. Dissatisfied. Like all I do vanishes into thin air as soon as I do it, like my accomplishments mean nothing. Knowshon needs a spirit bear to wrestle. A reason for my gorgeous flight. Challenge.

I feel you. Running against inferior competition. You're a champion, Knowshon. You crave more, right? Real challenge.

It's like you can see in my heart, man, without cutting a hole in my chest, you know?

I gotcha. Just a second, Knowshon. I'll be back with something for you.

Into his collar:Agent 38: enact Operation Greensleeves.

Signs passed out. Coupons awarded. Leaving scene.

Knowshon, look over there. What do those signs over there say? Can you read 'em for me?

Coach, that's a ways off, lemme fly Bring...bring...bring on...

Brah! They gave us free chicken sandwiches to hold these signs up! EPIC!

Ohhhhhhhhh, shit. Move out the way, sun. Knowshon just found his motherfucking spirit bear.

Attaboy. Glad to help, son. Glad to help.

Tweet Comment 48 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as SWEET WOUNDED JESUS HE CAN FLY

by Holly on Sep 8, 2008 1:01 PM EDT reply actions

I’ve been waiting for the EDSBS spin on this one since about, oh, 5:24 Saturday afternoon.

But this….this….THIS certainly exceeds even my most psychedelic hopes. 1000 cocktails at the U Joint on a sunny 70s Sunday, sir.

by Bobby Decatur on Sep 8, 2008 1:02 PM EDT reply actions

The UGa housing department had no problem with Knowshon jumping into the stratosphere. He just knows better than to do a backflip this time.

by Ground0EastLansing on Sep 8, 2008 1:03 PM EDT reply actions

Knowhown is pretty good. So good, he’d probably be 3rd string at Cal.

Yes, that is a compliment.

by dajo9 on Sep 8, 2008 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

ESS EEE CEE SPEED (and levitation).

by Sundawg on Sep 8, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

That thing with the teeth he’s jumping over…is that from Steven King’s made for TV movie – The Langoliers?

by Ryno on Sep 8, 2008 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

FTW! I honestly thought no one would catch that.

Knowshon > Eaters of Worlds

by Holly on Sep 8, 2008 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, ASU. Why, oh why are you poking the bear with a stick?

by Silver Britches on Sep 8, 2008 1:15 PM EDT reply actions

As I read this a pop-up box opened and Knowshon jumped over it right onto my desktop…the kid’s got talent.

by Mackalicious on Sep 8, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Who in Tempe signed off on that promotion, Mikheil Saakashvili?

by DC Trojan on Sep 8, 2008 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

#8, it’s very possible that those kids don’t know who, or where this “Georgia” is…..

by Bobby Decatur on Sep 8, 2008 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

Holy shit. That picture isn’t photoshopped? They were actually holding up those signs in Tempe? Oh goody. Nothing says “reasonable expectations” like a sign that can basically be interpreted as, “Beating Stanford clearly shows that we are ready to tangle with the #2 team in the nation!”

You tell Rudy Carpenter that Rennie Curran is gonna eat his family.

by Doug on Sep 8, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry, but Percy gets more style points for leaping over the Buckeyes…in the national championship game.

http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2007/01/09/PH2007010900090.jpg

by zzgator on Sep 8, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

wow dajo9, just wow. You have a very high opinion of the #1 and #2 at Cal… that or you failed to watch those East coast games, was that because they were on too early for you?

West Coast Bias What What

by Jonathan on Sep 8, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

Not to mention our boy Ben Troupe…

http://www.oddjack.com/TROUPE.jpg

http://espn-att.starwave.com/media/ncf/2002/1102/photo/florida_i.jpg

TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUPE!

by zzgator on Sep 8, 2008 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

Rudy’s spleen is already bleeding.

by Bobby Decatur on Sep 8, 2008 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

ZZgator: That doesn’t count. There’s a difference between leaping over our defense assuming the position (again) for a good ol’fashioned Tebowne then leaping a standing defensive back after a 30-yard run.

by poguemahone on Sep 8, 2008 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

zzgator… if you were watching that 06 Nat’l Championship Game closely you would have seen what everyone in Athens did….

http://www.picoodle.com/view.php?img=/3/9/8/f_stadium01com_472f177.jpg&srv=img27

by iknowshon on Sep 8, 2008 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry…giant leaping moreno was not visible from where I was seated…inside the stadium.

by zzgator on Sep 8, 2008 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

….because I was inverted.

by Holly on Sep 8, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

Did anyone read the interview where “evil” CMR threw ESPN and FOX “under the bus”? Another firestorm. The man is a genius, I tell ya!

Oh, and zzgator@13, that was more like “ass-stomping through a fog”.

/remembered Wordsworth from 30 years ago, but searches daily for misplaced sunglasses

by hlh on Sep 8, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

Knowshon jumping over a Langolier? In-fucking-credible.

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Sep 8, 2008 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

ZZGator,
you are all class. The gators are lucky to have you on their side. The benchmark for moral behavior and sane thoughts you are!

by TheClassyDawgvent on Sep 8, 2008 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

Didn’t know you guys played football on the west coast. Aren’t your guys busy with the pride marches?

by reidsvilledawg1968 on Sep 8, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

EAT MOR CHIKIN!

You know, like Vandy.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Sep 8, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

Well Jonathan,
Cal’s duo do have 499 rushing yards on 56 carries (8.9 average and 6 touchdowns). And those numbers are against. . . Wait for it. . . Wait for it SEC fans. . .

Actual BCS conference opposition.

by dajo9 on Sep 8, 2008 1:56 PM EDT reply actions

Is Gummy Berry Juice on the NCAA’s list of banned substances?

by Chips O'Toole on Sep 8, 2008 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

#11
Given that its ASU, they very probably didn’t know where THEY were at the time.

by ClydeB on Sep 8, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

That’s no Langolier. That’s Mangino’s mouth (actual size).

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 8, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

nice langolier

i hate the ajc…only they could take such a play over central fucking michigan and turn it into a 3 picture storyboard linked on the front page of their website

by GoalieLax (GoNavyBeatArmy) on Sep 8, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

@ dajo9
Oh wow, 56 carries and 6 TDs?

Knowshon hasn’t broken 30 carries yet and has 6 TDs all by his lonesome.

by Will (the other one) on Sep 8, 2008 2:14 PM EDT reply actions

dajo9, just because they are BCS does not automatically = better, see Arkansas as an example. I would say that CMU and GSU would both thrash WSU. MSU I will give you was a good opponent.

My comment was pointing out your blatent homerism. It is ridiculous to say: “Knowhown is pretty good. So good, hed probably be 3rd string at Cal. Yes, that is a compliment.”

In that case I will just go ahead and say that Tim Tebow is pretty good. So good he’d probably be 3rd string at USCw. Yes, that is a compliment.

Ugh why do I bother trying to point out idiocy to idiots, they won’t understand anyway.

by Jonathan on Sep 8, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions

Knowshon eats bears, dajo9. EATS BEARS.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Sep 8, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions

Hey Jonathan,
I bet you know the names of the two Cal running backs now.

Get it yet?

by dajo9 on Sep 8, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions

dajo9, touché though I think you overestimate my memory :-)

by Jonathan on Sep 8, 2008 2:40 PM EDT reply actions

Superb Top Gun reference Holly.

by Jeff on Sep 8, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

daj09,

Kevin Riley, Cal’s QB, went 17 of 24 for 202 yards and 2 TDs, 70.8% completion, in a 7 point victory over Michigan State, BCS Competition.

Joe Craddock, fearless QB of the Mighty, Mighty Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders went 28 of 40 for 2 TDs, 70.0% completion, in a 10 point victory over…wait for it…wait for it…OMG MARYLAND BCS COMPETITION!!!!!

Yeah, Kevin Rileys good, GOOD ENOUGH TO MAYBE PLAY IN THE SUNBELT!!!! ROFFLE HOUSE

by MightyMightyMitzu on Sep 8, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

P.S. Craddock had 256 yards

by MightyMightyMitzu on Sep 8, 2008 2:51 PM EDT reply actions

Cal looks really, really good.

But Knowshon is a starter on any team thats not the Minnesota Vikings or the San Diego Chargers.

by Pat on Sep 8, 2008 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

for oft when on my couch i lie
in vacant or in pensive mood
they flash upon the inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude

and then my heart with pleasure fills
and dances with the daffodils and bulldogs
who will spank the begezzus out of asu

by cscott on Sep 8, 2008 3:29 PM EDT reply actions

Those yellow pants will come in handy the first time Rudy Carpenter sees wee Rennie Curran rapidly approaching with a purpose.

by Because They Can on Sep 8, 2008 3:40 PM EDT reply actions

Rennie Curran may actually be a langolier, Holly. If by “langolier” you mean “5’8 Liberian refugee who powercleans 400 pounds and arrives at the football angry, angry angry.”

by MaconDawg on Sep 8, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Wow. A Lamb Lies Down on Broadway reference. Well played, sir. Well played.

by Wiser Time on Sep 8, 2008 5:34 PM EDT reply actions

I instinctively thought dajo9 wrote “USC,” not “Cal” in his first comment. Cal! Well said, dajo9; that WILL raise consciousness of West Coast football.

I was watching the game with a loud group that was half bulldogs and half haters and EVERYONE shut up the minute Knowshown left orbit. Unbelievable.

by OhioDawg on Sep 8, 2008 5:49 PM EDT reply actions

Langolier? Hardly. It’s Lindsay Lohan’s crotch.

by MorningBeer on Sep 8, 2008 6:27 PM EDT reply actions

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward Ive climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds, and done a hundred things

by Larry Langolier on Sep 8, 2008 8:56 PM EDT reply actions