MIKE PATRICK'S CABINET OF WONDERS
by Orson on Sep 5, 2008 11:51 AM EDT
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PrintCan you really open a philosophy store? If so, can you buy freedom there? And shelled pecans? I love both of them a lot.
What's a basket without holes? A shitty bucket, or a just a heavy hat?
Cats never fail to amaze me! They also never fail, because they never try. There's a lesson here, and it's that you should always mark your territory to keep things in perspective. But not in front of children.
If you fold a dollar bill in half, you can see secret Masonic symbols. But if you fold a fish in half, things get messy, because it's a fish, and not a dollar bill.
Call me crazy, but I can't get enough of the Black-Eyed Peas! The band and the legume!
The most important play in football is the punt. But if we're talking about brain surgery now, WHOA, that is a totally different discussion. The most important part of that is the brain, I bet.
I think badgers are just agoraphobic skunks.
Wouldn't everyone look better if we just said what we thought out loud all the time? And wore clothes when we were doing it? In our front yard? I'm looking at you, me.
Sometimes, when someone talks in their sleep, you think they're saying what they really think about you, but just saying it very quietly. But mostly they're just saying the word "hamburger" over and over again.
When I was growing up, we didn't have the Tooth Fairy. I'd put one tooth under the pillow, and in the morning when I woke up there would be two teeth under the pillow. And fur. And blood. Memories!
The Smoothie King: is he a benevolent ruler? I hope not. I hope he tortures people.
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Eternal damnation……..
Pushing Charlie Weiss up a hill, only to have him roll to the bottom after almost reaching the top.
This is the fate for those that want to be godlike.
by hlh on Sep 5, 2008 12:20 PM EDT reply actions
“agoraphobic skunks”…..U of Wisconson opponents everywhere just ran out for poster boards and Sharpies*
by sandman227 on Sep 5, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
C’ mon Orson—-you, Uncle Verne and Mike Patrick—the EDSBS Hot Tub Club. For charity—I would so pay!
by jamiedawg on Sep 5, 2008 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, you can open a Philosphy store, and yes, they do stock Freedom. But Freedom isn’t free… Freedom’s a buck-oh-five.
by Mark D on Sep 5, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions
man who jerk of into jar of peanut butter is fucking nuts.
by gerry dorsey on Sep 5, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions
Mike Patrick, also, hates the way squirrels smell when they are damp.
The philosophy store I imagine is kinda like the one Lucy had on the Psychiatry side in Peanuts.
5 or 10 cents, depending on the train of thought.
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 5, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions
Of course you can get freedom AND shelled pecans at the philosophy store. The shelled pecan is a just a tastey metaphor for freedom.
by Dawgnoxious on Sep 5, 2008 12:44 PM EDT reply actions
He and humanity advanced are going to open it together. It’ll be called “Rimz, Waffles, and Existenz.”
by MCab on Sep 5, 2008 1:03 PM EDT reply actions
I think this is the closest I’ll ever come to the hatchet induced brain breeze Carlin was talking about.
by Megatron Jones on Sep 5, 2008 1:09 PM EDT reply actions
More deep thoughts…….
Money can’t buy you love. But it will pay for delicious glazed doughnuts that, with a little practice, you can learn to slide up and down a penis.
-Brian Beatty
by hlh on Sep 5, 2008 1:15 PM EDT reply actions
Do you know that “if” is the middle word of Life?
That if you combine the words “now” and “here”, you could end up in Columbia, SC with your son coaching a football team and losing to Vandy twice in a row?
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 5, 2008 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
Contemporary Plato……….
Have you ever been so stoned that you crashed your car into a tree? Then did you get out of your car and see there wasn’t actually any damage from the accident—not so much as a scratch on your bumper? Then did you notice that there also wasn’t any tree? When you were finally able to calm down and get back in your car to drive away, were you embarrassed to realize that all along it was the air freshener hanging from your rearview mirror?
Me neither.
-Brian Beatty
by hlh on Sep 5, 2008 1:21 PM EDT reply actions
You’re looking at now sir, everything that happens now is happening now. What happened to then? We passed it. When? Just now. We’re at now-now. Go back to then. When? Now. Now? Now! I can’t. Why? We missed it. When? Just now. When will then be now? …Soon
by Hunter Johnson on Sep 5, 2008 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
How Soon is Now?
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing in particular
Now that is some philosophication right hyah
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 5, 2008 1:33 PM EDT reply actions
So, if a man speaks in the woods, and a woman is not there to hear it, is he still wrong? Just askin’.
by tennalaflaga on Sep 5, 2008 1:34 PM EDT reply actions
I checked, and what he meant to say is “he is a falafel major, and he will open a falafel store when he graduates”
every announcer makes a mistake every now and then
by InsaneCoachPosse on Sep 5, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions
100 cocktails to PP breaking out the Smith’s lyrics
by sandman227 on Sep 5, 2008 1:44 PM EDT reply actions
And, by the way: I wasn’t sure if I was reading EDSBS, PJ O’Rourke from his (read:LSD) National Lampoon days, or an Eddie Izzard monologue.
by sandman227 on Sep 5, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions
@24 yeah, the only thing missing from that was, Do you have a flaaaggg? :)
Maybe Foster will open his Philosophy store next to Costanza’s Jerk Store.
by Brian O'Blivion on Sep 5, 2008 1:52 PM EDT reply actions
the whole time i read this, the norm mcdonald doing larry king on SNL voice was in my head…
by chaimy4life on Sep 5, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable—-until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!
by WarCardinals on Sep 5, 2008 4:35 PM EDT reply actions
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