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CURIOUS INDEX, 9/5/08

Bobby Johnson has found his special purpose! He celebrates after last night's epic victory over South Carolina, Vandy's first since 1982 at home against an SEC opponent. Remember: Never trust whitey.

We tried to speak slowly, really, we did. Our interview with Scott Van Pelt is hyah.

Admit you are duped, and move on. South Carolina's multidimensional debacle last night has so many angles to examine, but one sticks out nastily: special teams, something Garnet and Black Attack leaps on in their postgame analysis of "Black Thursday."

Special teams cost us this game. Period. There's no way around it. Two disastrous special team mistakes gave the Commodores the lead, and from that point on it was almost a formality. The sense of impending doom was almost palpable. The game was not going to turn around.

South Carolina hired Maryland's special teams guru Ray Rychleski to come in and retool the Gamecocks' kick and return squads. Ray Rychleski must have had a great, comfortable, and engaging chat with Spurrier last night, right after Spurrier got done having a similar chat with his son/offensive coordinator Steve Spurrier, Jr. (Nepotism! It's what's for dinner.)

Penn State suspends three for Oregon State. Plans come together. Defensive end Maurice Evans, defensive tackle Abe Koroma, and tight end Andrew Quarless are all suspended for Penn State's game against Oregon State at home, thus playing into our grand plan to make our upset pick for this week play out. (Week two is booooooring, and thus the russian roulette pick here, both because the week is a dull slate, and because Penn State, while provoking no real animus from us, does bore the living shit out of us.)

At Penn State, this is further evidence that the program is OUT OF CONTROL! At Florida, we'd just call this Wednesday.

Hanna, Schmanna. West Virginia/ECU is on time and will be making no stops due to Hanna-related flooding, both because they won't let a pesky thing like weather boss them around, and because Pat White and Noel Devine will simply run briskly across any surface when told to, be it solid or liquid.

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, GOD? Texas Tech offensive lineman Rylan Reed survived cancer to get to college football. Broken ankles are like butter mints to him:

Rylan broke his right ankle late in the fourth quarter against Virginia. And again, Rylan, who in December will have been cancer-free for five years, turned to what he's leaned on so many times: a positive attitude and a laugh.

"I was like, 'Come on. A broken ankle, is that all you got?' " Rylan said, smiling.

The policy for men is obviously different. Signs point one finger forward and three back. As a non-good-looking man, we know our brethren when we see them, and we call you brother, homely looking cromag dudes of the midwest. (It's okay! Make some money, go to the gym, get a nice haircut, learn to perform oral sex well. There's a million little ways to make up the gap. You're Wake Forest, but there's no reason you can't compete with the big boys.)

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Does this mean they’re going to start selling Cup-o-Pizza at the vandy stadium? Or is this merely an end to the inhumanity known as cat juggling?

by Brian on Sep 5, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I took Vandy +11.

I’ve won a parlay, that involved betting on Vandy to beat the spread 2, weeks in a row…that shouldn’t be allowed to happen.

by The Gentleman Masher on Sep 5, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I think this would be the most appropriate Jerk reference:

Spurrier: Damn this football team.
Bobby Johnson: I damn thee!

by Dante on Sep 5, 2008 10:13 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

That IU pic is some wonderfully ironic shiznit. Also, I predicted a Vandy upset, which makes me, I think, the smartest person in the history of the universe. And that’s like 6,000 years.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 5, 2008 10:19 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Pirates don’t care about cancer or broken legs. Just saw it off at the knee and but a peg leg on.

by Heath on Sep 5, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

speaking of nepotism, who saw obc’s 5’4 son who supposedly is a holder on the team.

by allyourkegsarebelongtostafford on Sep 5, 2008 10:26 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Lloyd Christmas went to IU?

/me puts hand on chin

IIIIInnnnnttteeerrrresting……

by vegas_buckeye on Sep 5, 2008 10:43 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

The last time a hurricane went through Greenville, NC the entire town ended up under a foot of water.
I’m sure this time will be different, though.

by GamecockTony on Sep 5, 2008 10:47 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I hate to be the one who points this out, but Hurricane Orgeron lost in Nashville last year. I witnesed it through an alchohol induced haze. Maybe the 1982 was vs a ranked sec opponent?

by reb pup on Sep 5, 2008 10:51 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Wow, that Rylan Reed article is something…now I have to root for Texas Tech this season, these human interest stories are killing me…

And a shout out to the ESS-EEE-SEE, you win, that game last night was WAYY more entertaining than the, let’s say B10 equivalent, which would be Iowa vs Minnesota or something. I almost fell asleep even typing that..

by Pants McPants on Sep 5, 2008 10:51 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Man, when are you going to take that LOOOOOSER off the banner of your site? You need to put Urban up there. We don’t need no losers….we need some WINNERS, man!

by OnTap on Sep 5, 2008 11:00 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I like the bowl cut on the guy holding the sign.

I have nothing against white people, but pasty white that have not seen sun in a few months is another thing. I get them confused with zombies.

by Anonymous IV on Sep 5, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Captain, oh my Captain. I guess “hit them in the mouth” isn’t the right response every time.

by OhioDawg on Sep 5, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Vandy has beaten some good teams before. Teams like Arkansas with 2 first round RBs in the same backfield.

Vandy went on the road and beat Arkansas in 2005. Mcfadden and Felix Jones touched the ball 3 times for Arkansas. Nutt was quoted after the game saying he didn’t want to put too much pressure on the young guys to carry the load in an early SEC game.

The next weekend we go to # 1 ranked USC and the same two running backs that Nutt was scared to give carries to at home against Vandy carried the ball 20 + times…..on the road….against the best team in college football.

Have fun with that down in Oxford.

by Rick Shaeffer's Stylist on Sep 5, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Yeah, I think it’s 1992 and a ranked opponent. But I could be wrong.

oh my head.

btw, I’ve done very well for myself the last fifteen years always taking Vandy to cover on a top-25 opponent. Win? Probably not, but ever since they almost beat Florida back in the mid-90s, it’s been a long-term profitable strategy. Just saying. Do you really want investment advice from somebody too old to handle one bottle of bourbon a night?

by Vandy J on Sep 5, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Hey, it’s not like that storm is going to pass directly over Greenville on Saturday morning. Oh wait, it is?

by JD on Sep 5, 2008 11:34 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I too have no problem picking Oregon State to win in Happy Valley this weekend. Oh shit- Beavers, Beaver Stadium… and so it is written. Take that road dog like Moses carved it into a tablet.

Considering last year’s CFB pandemic of football herpes, could this virus have mutated into nerd herpes? Vandy, Stanford, and Northwestern making strides could spell disaster for most.

by Big Jon on Sep 5, 2008 11:40 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I can’t believe ECU/WVU are going to play this game. Behold the power of ESPN.

Should be awesome tailgaiting. I’ve whipped up a few pitchers of hurricanes…everyone’s gets at least one.

by wvurugby on Sep 5, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Orson, how can you be bored when JoePa strolls the sidelines? The possibility of insane behavior by a head coach is seldom higher

by DanF on Sep 5, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Seeing that picture from The Jerk reminds me, did anyone else find it a tad uncomfortable watching Craig James quiz Erin Andrews about moonpies and RC Cola? It was like watching that guy in the bar who hits on women who are all way out of his league, only it was Craig James, which just made it weirder. It is nice to know though that Erin Andrews thinks that the working man’s lunch consists of RC Cola and Tab.

by MaconDawg on Sep 5, 2008 12:29 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

At least Craig shaved off the nasty preseason goatee. That thing was creepy.

by Raider Red on Sep 5, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Hey #11 – had you followed Gator football for more than 5 minutes, you would not talk/type ignorant crap about SOS. You sound more like a canes fan…

by g8rslm on Sep 5, 2008 2:31 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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