TAILGATING IN JUAREZ IS FESTIVE AND MURDERISH

by Orson on Sep 2, 2008 2:56 PM EDT

Probably want to skip "Drink and Drown" this year.

School officials from both NMSU and UTEP have issued warnings against going across the border from El Paso to the ever more charming city of Juarez, Mexico, where any gameday tailgating may inclue authentic Mexican cuisine (love those simple corn tortillas and green salsa!), the purchase of high grade pharmaceuticals from any number of cross-border pharmacies (ay, papi, love that percocet!) and perhaps being killed where you stand for no reason.

The travel warnings come as government officials and residents are asking the Mexican federal government to do more to stop a wave of killings across the state of Chihuahua believed to be linked to a raging drug cartel war.

More than 850 homicides have occurred in Juárez so far this year, including four killed in a shootout Wednesday afternoon and four men killed execution-style late Tuesday when they were handcuffed to each other, lined up and shot.

Students from both schools have traditionally gone over to Juarez to participate in "Drink and Drown," which in the best of years sounds like a recipe for blanked memories covering Grand Guignol horrors and transactions involving STDs, stolen credit cards, and weapons with the serial numbers filed off them.

Throw in a city in the spasms of open public executions by drug gangs, and this is probably a very, very good year to skip this whole thing. Unless you're stupid, and by all means, stupid finds its own level, meaning we couldn't stop you if we wanted to, brah. Go ahead and tape three hundred dollars to yourself and walk across the bridge like William T. Vollmann on holiday. When a pit bull is chasing you across the river on your drunken, bleeding swim back to America, don't say we didn't warn you.

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That is a Detroit-like pace for murders. That must be what happens when you move auto manufacturing facilities there. Makes the mean streets of Atlanta seem friendly.

by Crabapple Buck on Sep 2, 2008 3:05 PM EDT reply actions

Ravel warnings! We don’ need no steenking travel warnings!

#1,

Detroit’s murder rate, that’s “new” money.

New Orleans’ & New York’s murder rate is “old” money.

by One And Done on Sep 2, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

“the purchase of high grade pharmaceuticals” and “being killed where you stand for no reason.”

Are you sure they aren’t talking about Columbus?

by GamecockTony on Sep 2, 2008 3:17 PM EDT reply actions

I thought they just wanted a chance to come here to work and experience the American dream?

Nodoby told me about the drugs!!!!11

by Ryno on Sep 2, 2008 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t think putting up a picture of a corpse on a college football blog to illustrate a point is 1) appropriate or 2) respectful of the dead.

Why not just use a pinata? Those fuckers are plenty scary.

by TCOAN on Sep 2, 2008 3:34 PM EDT reply actions

3 – Columbus, GA or OH?

If OH, we always have reason to kill people where they stand. There’s an extensive checklist we go through before wanton murder:

1. Not wearing OSU gear.

by poguemahone on Sep 2, 2008 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

Southeast Asia is not impressed…

by BurritoBrosShits on Sep 2, 2008 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

That is a city the size of Phoenix, Philly, or San Antonio. Philadelphia, the worst of those three (murder wise), had 406 murders in 2006.

Eight fiddy by September, and we’re talking GTA: Juarez levels of violence.

So, #1….you’re correct. Detroit-level is accurate.

by spartymike on Sep 2, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions

RockStar is far too tasteful to make GTA: Juarez, right? Right?

We’ll just go ahead and reserve our copy now.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 2, 2008 3:40 PM EDT reply actions

The times they are a changin.

I remember going into Juarez after the ’99 Sun Bowl to wait for the end of days. Imagine my surprise when I woke up on 1/1/00 with the hangover to end all hangovers, a donkey, 22 year old mexican twins, and 17 previously undiscovered STDs.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Sep 2, 2008 3:41 PM EDT reply actions

Dammit, now where am I supposed to wear this authentic Mexican sombrero I got at Don Pablos?

Second, I think the easy availability of “high-grade pharmaceuticals” pretty much makes a lie out of “killed for no reason.”

by Harris on Sep 2, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions

“sounds like a recipe for blanked memories covering Grand Guignol horrors and transactions involving STDs, stolen credit cards, and weapons with the serial numbers filed off them.”

Actually, that sounds like Gainesville. HAPPY HATE WEEK!

by The Great Barstoolio on Sep 2, 2008 3:58 PM EDT reply actions

This story takes me back to growing up on the mean streets of Ponte Vedra, FL. The Winn Dixie-Publix turf wars were a constant threat to all of us.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 2, 2008 4:05 PM EDT reply actions

Mack Brown is now torn between suspending Lamarr Houston for the UT-El Paso game and taking him.

by HeadThief on Sep 2, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Khartoum is interested in purchasing vacation property in downtown Juarez.

by Chips O'Toole on Sep 2, 2008 4:25 PM EDT reply actions

Swindle at 9.

GTA: Juarez has me intrigued. Would you sneak off on a donkey? Eat at churro or tamale stands?

Fuck – I’ll be thinking about this all day.

by Ryno on Sep 2, 2008 4:45 PM EDT reply actions

kudos for the No Country For Old Men reference

by industrial strength on Sep 2, 2008 4:53 PM EDT reply actions

Biggus Rickus- You mean you were never a part of the Sawgrass/PV Club Beef? That was big in High School….

by BurritoBrosShits on Sep 2, 2008 8:24 PM EDT reply actions

BurritoBros,

I tried to stay out of the crossfire. The PV Club don’t fuckin’ play.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 2, 2008 10:16 PM EDT reply actions

I find the idea of parodying current events via a video game reference horrifying and in bad taste Orson.

(For our next ad campaign, Call of Duty: World of Juarez, we will gladly pay you either in Percocet or Pesos).

by dogtown gator on Sep 3, 2008 2:49 AM EDT reply actions

The Big 12 South giggles at the various shenanigans perpetrated across the territories of our compatriots in the south.

Because truly, SEC speed is needed to flee these cutthroat mf’ers along our border. As Mark Kilroy would attest, if at all possible: http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/serial_killers/weird/constanzo/1.html

Seriously, tread lightly if you’re ever down along the Rio Grande.

by SteveInHouston on Sep 4, 2008 10:02 AM EDT reply actions