CURIOUS INDEX, 9/2/08

nothing like those lamentations man

greatest feeling in the world

except for Holly’s lamentations

those are just damned scary

on top of everything else those pants were fucking orange.

what?? no love for “punting is winning?” that shit is right up there with “the inside trout” in the hall of greatest halftime interviews.

WE’RE UNDEFEATED!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Yet I’m at work today. Life hardly seems fair.

Frankly, Tennessee fans have been far too dignified and reasonable about this. I don’t want pants, dammit, I want rent garments and the gnashing of teeth. I want curses cast against a sightless idiot god and demands for the head and entrails of Fulmer on platters of silver. I want threats of bodily harm on Clawson’s children and warnings of torch-bearing Knoxvillians descending on his home. Instead I get “pants.” Feh. I can get pants from Yale. I can get pants from Northwestern. I expect better from the SEC.

The jeans take the dick and separate the balls…like a division sign.

You know, after His Coachness gets fired for recruiting violations, he’s got a real future as a motivational speaker. Jesus, can he work a crowd.

I was also struck by how well-spoken he is in front of the camera. Very little coach-speak in the post-game interview; he seemed to be saying what he truly felt. I like how he explained his thoughts during Craft’s transformation from Ryan Leaf to John Elway.

Also, Norm Chow earned his money last night. Great play calling on UCLA’s last 2 drives.

Woke up balls early this morning to drive from Chattanooga to Atlanta for work. Early AM sports talk radio in North Georgia had Vol fans callling in to the local guys and TEARING the coaching staff apart.

The suggestion that made me laugh the loudest:

“Billy in Maryville – good morning and welcome to the show.”
“yeah, I wanna know why don’t we just tear up Fulmer’s contract and hire Barry Switzer. Is there some compelling reason why this can’t happen….”

Yes, Craft deserves a day in the sun. We’ll figure out how good/bad those teams are but FUUUUUUCK that was an unbelievable second half.

Florida plays Miami (FL) of the ACC next, not Miami (OH) of the MUCH SUPERIOR MAC, right? Anything short of a repeat of the victory over Hawaii should be a disappointment.

Buck Belue is heading for SEC Broadcasting greatness. He did the color for the UGa/Georgia Southern game. Most of his comments were just thoughtful/appreciative "wooooooo"s; like the noise you make before sitting down to a good meal. Oh, and he diagnosed an injury as a “kick in the butt” then stunned silence from the booth followed by "……ocks. I mean buttocks.

Whiskey + Stream of Consciousness + NO FILTER = A great announcer in the making.

Can anyone confirm the rumor that UCLA fans were chanting “PAC 10….PAC10…..PAC10”?

I didn’t hear UCLA fans chanting Pac10 Pac10 Pac10 after beating the Vols…is that because chanting your conference name is gay? Yes. I guess it is a southern pride thing that those of us who didn’t live through the civil war will understand, but damn, to chant your conference name is just f’king gay.

It’s getting to the point where when SEC teams play OOC it’s not Tenn vs. UCLA it’s the SEC vs. Pac10.

Whatever happened to root for just your school and hating everyone else, in or out of conference?

How in the world could I ever root for Michigan against anyone? In or out of the conference…that is just insane.

I guess that is what the BCS has done to the SEC fan base…I guess everyone is worried about computer rankings and SOS.

I have a simple answer. Just win all of your games…if you win them all it doesn’t matter (unless you are auburn which is probably why all of this exists anyways). But regardless, 9 times out of 10, if you win them all it doesn’t matter – you don’t have to root for team you hate in the process.

#10

“Those of us who didn’t live through the civil war will never understand…”

1. TAFKastOSUB

How about that saturday night ABC game?

1. - Winning all your games is alot easier when you face a lineup of Iowa, Minnessota, Penn State, Indiana, Northwestern and Michigan State as opposed to say: Kentucky, Auburn, LSU, Georgia, UT and Alabama.

IS there some cleavage that’s gonna read:
“Property of Kevin Craft”?

#15

insult, meet injury.

Honestly, it might have been the kiss of death for Saban…now expectations are through the roof, which is exactly what he didn’t want to have happen.

Make no mistake about it, he thinks you all are insane just like the rest of us do.

And to put Alabama’s beat down of Clemson into perspective, it wasn’t much different than the beat down Alabama gave Tenn last year. It’s a single game.

If Alabama can do what they did Saturday night 14 times this year everyone will be impressed. Allow me to let you in on a little secrete, it ain’t gonna happen.

Remember that TN touchdown drive that was like 5 minutes long, and Blackledge was talking about how tired UCLA looked, and all they did was run the damn ball over and over? Wasn’t that great?

It appears that the poll Orson took is correct. Nothing is more beautiful than Rick Neuheisel.

One week doesn’t make a season, but at first blush, the ACC and Big East appear to have a bit of work to do. The Big Ten is a work in progress, tOSU was decent in spite of red zone issues, but Michigan is going to do well to be .500. PAC 10 still looks solid and USC is clearly the team to beat. Big 12 will be a high scoring affair every week and the SEC has balance. The top is very good, while the bottom is Miss St and Arkansas fighting over a turnip.

Orson was right about Terrance Cody. Since Clemson couldn’t block him, they just didn’t bother after awhile.

Now hear this:

WE SUCK. Fill in the blanks to the rest of it. But, we got manhandled.

Alabama ran, essentially, 3 offensive plays on Saturday night, yet kept the ball for 41 minutes.

And, I saw nothing on their offense to make me think they will be able to beat LSU, Auburn, or Georgia…

but Dear Lord they beat the crap out of us.

Once again, given the opportunity to shine, we laid an egg.

Here is to you, Alabama, and your 87 national titles.

And, to the Alabama fan that I threatened in Buckhead bar #3 after the game…

well, you deserved it. Watch your mouth when you speak to me.

Or, just don’t speak to me unless spoken to, first.

RTR, indeed on Saturday night.

The Big 12 opening weekend started off well. UT took care of Howard and Florida Atlantic and OU decimated that other poor team.

Now for the police report…One UT player with a DWI, one OU player stabbed.

So far, we’re tied with the land thieves for wins and criminal activity. Off to a good start…

Points to Coop for showing up.

hey TAFKastOSUB,

i’ve got a little “secrete” for you too.

Way to take it like a man, Coop.

And TAFKastOSUB, you calling anyone insane is laughable.

To be fair Blon, getting stabbed is not a crime.

However, I’m sure there was some requisite chest-thumping, pushing and shoving before the other guy whipped out a knife, but the OU player has not been charged with anything.

#25

No, getting stabbed isn’t a crime, but nothing good happens when you are at a bar after 2 A.M. in the morning.

OhioDawg:

So it’s like Buck Buelke went to the Ron Santos School of Broadcasting? (Apologies for referencing baseball.)

I was truly Clawstruck at how fucking Clawful our new OC is. He can shove his cutesy nickname up his ass. Randy Sanders was better, and i’m not kidding. However, the game was lost by Chavis. When all the UCLA kid has is quick passes, you don’t let your corners give the receivers a 5 yard cushion at the line for God’s sake.

How much weirdly misplaced hatred does someone have to possess in order to call a 34-10 beatdown of a (not deservedly) top 10 team the “kiss of death” for a football coach? Oodles? Lots? Shit-tons?

Why is it that ess-eee-see superiority always prompts Civil War commentary from the denizens of Big Televen country?

And if chanting “SEC” is gay please elucidate regarding which terminology is appropriate for the widespread singing of “Hang on Sloopy”.

kthxbai

TAFKastOSUB, you are the Gary Busey of EDSBS. Congrats on yet another set of misguided rants that have no basis in reality.

1. - you’re right on most points. Clemson put up a very poor effort and got ass-kicked all night. It looked like we used only about 20% of the offensive playbook since nothing too complicated was needed. Also, Saban said we didn’t blitz once the entire 1st half and then didn’t need to once you became one dimensional.

That being said, #1 ACC lost to #5 SEC so this is like a win over Vandy for us. Expectations are still in check and our 732nd title will wait until next year. 2nd in the West and a win over Auburn (please God) will be fine with me.

#25

And I should have added, nothing good comes from driving drunk, either. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We certainly don’t need to lose anyone on the defensive line this year.

1. - I’m not sure the outcome’s in question but I expect this weekend’s game (UC v. OU) to be a lot more exciting than most are giving it credit for.

Dear Louis Murphy,

I hate Miami and the fucking “U” and all of that look at us we’re badasses because we wore camo to the Fiesta Bowl in 87 horseshit.

The only thing you should be worrying about is running fast, catching the fucking ball and not getting tackled, in that order.

Stop thinking Louis, you’re fucking things up.

Love,
MRD

PS. SHUT THE FUCK UP

Well, in Alabama’s defense, if 3 plays are all you need to run to keep the ball 41 minutes, no need to open up the playbook.

I came to an understanding of why Norm Chow is not and will not be HC material. Brilliant tactician, but completely disconnected from the human aspect of the game.

“all right, you three X’s line up over here, then, X, you go in motion, see what that group of O’s do in reaction… Now, X you hit the seam in the O’s that these X’s just made, and X you hit him with the pass… TD, it’s just that easy.”

His reaction to that last TD was like he just whipped someone’s ass at Madden on the x-box, and all of his boys behind him were giving him some just due props.

Speaking of mindbolts – did anyone notice whenever they showed the “in-your-face” OC shot up in the booth Norm Chow never uttered a word? It really was as if he communicated telepathically. As opposed to Clawson who appeared to be babbling uncontrollably.

Clemson:

Whoo! Here come Thunder and Lighting! Spiller and Davis!

Let’s run them…..ah…..er…..8 times?

I kept waiting for some newspaper to run the headline “Chow Devours Fulmer”.

#30
Why is it necessary to chant your conference name every chance you get?

There is a distinct difference between “new money” and “old money.” New money drives a fancy new car, wear trendy clothes, buys a house in “old money’s” neighborhood, and then chants his conference name every chance he gets.

Old money, on the other hand, drives an older but reliable vehicle, hasn’t bought a new pair of pants in a while because he prefers the comfort of his old blue jeans, his house is paid for – paid it off 20 years ago, he has more money than he knows what to do with but doesn’t care, money is not that important to him. Old money is content to whip his conference rival every year, go to the Rose Bowl and enjoy a celebration, win or lose. Old money has been doing that for years and doesn’t really need anything else to make his life complete.

New money on the other had can’t stand old money’s sense of security and contentment and must find a way to disturb it.

SEC = New Money

You have become the spoiled brats of College Football. Enjoy. Just remember, old money has deep pockets.

few points here:

1. I watched the game completely objectively, and must say that while UA pretty much did anything that they wanted to against Clemson and played well, we should be talking (no offense, Coop) about how overrated Clemson was instead of HOWFUCKINGMINDBENDINGAMAZING Alabama is. Come on- let’s not start clearing off shelf space for championship trophy #127 just yet, fellas.
   For the most of you who couldn’t see the Auburn game due to coverage, AU was fairly definitive with the solid win over ULM. You don’t hear us clammoring around about how we’re winning it all after beating them, do you? And you remember them beating you up last year, don’t you? So it’s not like they’re unproven…

1. Orson, UF HAD to pick up Miami this year. Since you guys dropped Auburn, you need someone else to guarantee at least one mark in the “L” column each year…

1. “Punting is Winning”. I spit food out of my mouth when i heard that. Wow. And on a side note, Thanks to Blackledge for pointing out after the half that Craft wasn’t on pace to break the single-game interception record of 9, tossed up by UF against AU in 1969… Just sayin’…

TAFKastOSU-
James Carville, is that you?

@30:

You certainly fit one of the old money stereotypes of being a prick. However, until this point, I never really associated gibberish with old money. Kudos.

TAFKAtOSUb it’s really a shame that you have annointed yourself spokesperson for the “Buckeye Nation”…I used to have a grudging respect for them and their passion.

That old money argument makes you sound like a Michigan man.

TAFKAtOSUb,

Your new money analogy might make sense if most SEC members hadn’t been fielding teams since the 1890s and half the conference wasn’t among the top 20 winningest programs in college football history.

Mr. Tate, Office Linebacker:

I don’t think anyone is clearing shelf space for trophies, save the extreme outlier fan base, but every school has them (though we may have more than our fair share).

But I won’t apologize for enjoying this win. It was a dominant performance, whether Clemson is overrated or not. Still a long way to go this season and most bammers realize it.

Queen of Sexiness Holly Rowe is on the front page of ESPN.com…

awesome..

41, love the revisionist history. Not sure how SEC football is “new” under anyone’s definition.

VOL,

REVISIONIST HISTORY IS WHAT THEY DO BEST!!!

IF NOT FOR THE WAR OF NORTHERN AGGRESSION AND THE SUBSEQUENT RECAPTURE OF THE ESS EEE CEE, THE UNITED STATES OF YANKEE PUSSIES WOULD BE PART OF (TAKE YOUR PICK OF EUROPEAN NATIONS, OR CANADA).

DON’T READ THAT IN THE HISTORY BOOKS OR THE EVOLUTION VOO-DOO SCIENCE BOOKS1

PUSSIES

While TAFKAtOSUB is a supporter of my institution of higher learning, I wouldn’t want people to think he represents all of Buckeye nation. He is more like Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. One guy who stirs up the pot, but is harmless as long as he is kept in perspective.

I say bully for the SEC in their newfound riches. They will find out soon enough that the mouse is not the partner they bargained on when things go awry at some point. This could include any scandal(s), poor play, or irrational fanbase issues (death threats of wwl ‘talent’, etc…). Any trivial thing will be blown out of proportion and their website will be centered around rabble rousing content to garner more hits. Soon, your own network will look and sound better all the time.

Well gosh Chris, I’m not sure we’re really on the same page either.

OhioDawg @ 34

Yeah, Cincinnati is good enough to pull the upset if the Sooners play poorly like they are occasionally prone to do.

What SHOULD happen is UC keeps it close for a half, but an their inability to run the ball will catch up with them. The earlier UC has to abandon the run, the more I like OUs chances.

51

CHRIS ALL CAPPS, I pray you’re being ironic, but if not it still brings to mind one of the finest Onion articles ever written:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28559

TAFKATOSUB is going to come back and state that OSU football started in 1890, whereas most SEC teams started up between 1891-1894…therefore making him somewhat “better” because Ohio State’s program is gasp a full year older. Thank you Internets:

Kentucky-started 1881
Vandy-started 1890

Just applying the same distorted logic.

Hey Crabapple…no worries, when our billion dollar deals go awry we’ll just have our AD’s write letters to our boosters to stage a mutiny/boycott.

We’ve seen how well that works.

The Rose Bowl hosted five different SEC schools a total of eleven times before Ohio State made its second appearance. Georgia, Bama, Tennessee and Georgia Tech, in addition to Rose Bowl appearances, had also each played in the Orange and Sugar Bowls a generation or two before newcomer Ohio State finally made the rounds and mostly before the Big 10 was committed to the Rose.

We welcome you, Ohio State. Please enjoy one of our finest club chairs over there by the fire. We have some excellent bourbon to offer. Yes, it’s a very old place and perhaps not as fancy as some of those places up north or out west, but it’s comfortable. And we are lovers of tradition, of course.

I couldn’t wait to check out this site this morning after that gigantic, monumental win for UCLA. I hate UCLA and even put a little $$$ on Tennessee, but I found myself pulling for UCLA midway through the first quarter. I think it had to do with two things, one, as a Pac-10 guy, I get tired of hearing from SEC fans all the time that the Pac sucks. (Not trying to stir up trouble here) Two, as an SC guy, I want to play UCLA in December when they are good and that game last night, while only one game, was an indication that UCLA has made the right decision. Dorrell was awful. The fans were all wearing blue (not last year) and there was a buzz at the Bowl you could feel through the TV that hasn’t been there before. UCLA woke up this morning not feeling like the little brothers that they are. It’s a long season, but that was bigger than any win UCLA’s had in a long time (sans 13-9, of course).

As far as the crowd yelling “Pac-10, Pac-10,” it’s only a testament to how good the SEC is. I don’t think anyone can say with a straight face that the Pac-10 is better than the SEC (an argument could be made that they are equals), but the Pac-10 doesn’t get much love out here in the West and it’s understandable due to geography/population. Pac-10 fans just want some deserved love once in a while, but the SEC has such a bigger fan base that we get lost in the shuffle. That was a huge win for the conference.

I hope you don’t mind a USC fan chiming in, but I wanted to comment on the above……

1. - 100 Cocktails for the name.

“…and then just when USC thinks they’re going to get the Buckeyes without him, BLAM! He skydives into the stadium and the Buckeyes win 70-14”

Just make sure he skydives into the RIGHT STADIUM!

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3562873

From what I’ve read, Orson has never been to Central Ohio, yet somehow he hit the nail on the head with Subcommandante Wayne, who literally sounds like every 18-25 year old white male from “C-bus”, including myself in some instances. I’ll have you know the knowledgeable few of us who are not stoned and/or hammered and relatively conscious of our surroundings are quite honored.

Angry clowns like TAFKA keep things interesting. And, lest we forget, tOSU fans are the worst in the land. Period.

What pseudonym do you think he posts under at MGoBlog?

Neuheisal’s ultimate scandal-plagued demise is made more tragic by performances like these.