DR. LOU, TIUJANA BRAIN SURGEON

ESS EEE S…er… penis hookworm? Nevermind.

Eh, he is still better than Chris Berman.

Just. Fucking. Awful.

Man, when is he going to die?

How far into the bucket of Kittens do you get before you pick up the phone and call Dr. Lou?

So Lou gets to continue rolling out cliches and the WWL doesn’t have to spend money on props like newspapers and team helmets. The recession is truly hitting us all…

I mean, Stevie Ray Vaughn is dead, and we can’t Lou Holtz into a helicopter.

Fulmer Cup over?

The Tide adds another arrest.

Daren Hallman.

Theft of property.

The Holtz thing isn’t even ironically funny or sardonic anymore. He needs to be taken out back and quietly disposed of. And while they’re at it, a more Ceaucescuian execution in the public square would be more appropriate for Mark May.

My favorite part is how terribly pissed off Lloyd sounds on the phone. You can almost hear him muttering under his breath “WTF do those douches in the press want me to ask fucking namby pamby piece on my fucking golf game? Can’t I at least get to ask about Maureen Dowd’s latest column, or about the DNC? At least they don’t want me to ask about beating OSU…”

I’m surprised at the negative reaction to Lou. He is the only humorous part of the halftime show. Last year, his pep talks were must see TV since they were generally insane bordering on what-the-fucked-ness. It sure beats some windbag going on and on with what passes as “analysis”.

1. & #8- Bravo.

Does ESPN consider the overall IQ of their viewers when deciding on programming or commentators? I think not.

Nation, this is a mental tarbaby if there ever was one. All attempts at comprehension lead to more confusion.

Why anybody sat through it and watched is beyond me. We oughta know by now.

I keep thinking of Good Morning Vietnam when Kroneur’s replacement was getting letters: “Dear sir, you suck.”

What the fuck was that?

now if espn could get the REAL leo marvin to do this…then we’d have something.

baby steps.

ESPN hates America

Seriously- i was waiting on today’s Holtz article to come out after witnessing last night. That shrinky-dink with a lisp really really needs to disappear. As if i didn’t hate ESPN enough for their brazen cocksuckery and man-crush on USC and hatred of the SEC, now i have to fight the razor-to-the-wrists that is watching Lou try to live another day? fuck me in the goat ass.

Calling Dr. Lou a Tijuana brain surgeon insults the quality of work that Tijuana brain surgeons are known for providing. At least in Tijuana you get a bottle of Tequila to numb the pain and help you recover.

ESPN hates the SEC? I’ll bet you $2.25 billion that they don’t…

1. : “mental tarbaby” = fonking brillant.

Almost as good as Chuck D’s “intellectual Vietnam”

some people need to lighten up and realize that if it weren’t for lou holtz weekly hallucinatory segments…well… we’d have a little bit less to laugh at in the CFB world.

I just wish Tim Tebow had asked the good doctor for advice on how to perform circumcisions. The would have been a conversations worth its weight in gold. Especially with the listhpss.

Thank you for your kind email response and explanation, Orson. However, I think you may be too l—(head explodes)

I awakened on the sofa, after being put to sleep by SOS not horse-collaring his wonderfully inept starting qb, to visions of a pseudo-psychiatrist who looked and sounded remarkably like granny Lou, and who was freely dispersing advice about how I needed to maintain a positive relationship with my wife ( then soundly asleep in bed) in order to attain any level of self-worth and credibility and to appear good in the eyes of my fellow men, when my bottle (now warm) of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale spilled onto my crotch; not only bringing me fully conscious with self-reproach and anger interlaced with sotto voce expletives, but reminding me that I had already given this particular game and this particular psyche session way more time than they collectively deserved, so with wet pants and minimal lights guiding my feet toward my bed, I terminated my unwanted psychological appointment and actually slept well for the first time in hours…

#23… “slept well for the first time in hours”?? Lucky bastard.

I layed awake staring at my closet waiting for the moment when Granny Lou would burst from the door and tell me how to be “significant”.

I’m really torn about this.

On one hand, Lou Holtz deservedly needs to be put out to pasture. There is nothing sadder than an old man making a fool of himself.

On the other, until I’m his age, it’s awfully fun to watch what old people do, and Hans Moleman agrees.

But, really, “Tiujana” ? Geez, Orson, did the donkey show addle your brain that much?

I really have nothing constructive to add to what has already been said as to the banality/stupidity of the Dr. Lou bit. But, in case there is a collection being taken up to purchase the drugs (or a hit man) to put Lou out of his (my) misery, count me in.

I wonder who slips the LSD into Lou’s breakfast burrito? I’m guessing it’s Rece.

Up With Life Dept:

I thought the Lou Holtz bit was really funny. (Does not bother me that he is not a USC fan and loves notre dame, even though they showed him the door after many years of service.)

Lou, like Beano, Corso and Paul McGuire are tolerable in small dosages.

F. U. EDSBS, thats right F. U.!…

Because, if it weren’t for this site and my quest to add spectacular commentary on any college football related subject than I would have simply changed the channel last night. I would have ignored Lou Holtz like a homeless person that smells like Reggie F’n Nelson after practice in the Florida heat.

But nooooo, somebody had to go and create a fantastic site to talk about college football. Thanks!

I have no problem with Lou Holth making a fool of himself on national TV in his dotage. Maybe when Charlie Weis is old, ESPN can hire him, too. He will no doubt want to be on… wait for it… Cold Pizza.

I saw the “Bachelor of Football Science” from Arkansas, the “Master” dipoloma from ND, but I did not see the “Paroled for Good Behavior” from SoCarolina… what happened there?

As the sign said last year on Gameday:

“LOU HOLTZ IS A GENIUSH”

Although I didn’t see diplomas from Minnesota or the Jets either. Hmm.

My buddy used to be the service manager at BMW dealership here in Chicagoland… Hoge would bring in his car and complain about a specific rattle .

There was never any rattle. (Except maybe in Merrill’s head.)

/carry on

@31-

And no “BA- Inexplicably Cheating At A Small School, SCL, PBK” from William & Mary, either.

@ 30 – Dear Sgt: There is only 1 flaw in your reasoning. With Weis around, there wouldn’t be any pizza left to GET cold.

Did he say that he had four honorary doctorate degrees? Did I hear that correctly? What university would give Lou Holtz an honorary doctorate?

@36,

No, he said he had four honorary doctorate degreeth.

#8: The arrest was on 8/18/08. It was their long snapper, and his mugshot looks like he’s on meth, er, I mean succeeding in the 4th quarter program.

So, it would count in the Fulmer cup, but it won’t change the results.

#37

My faith in America’s universities have been restored.

But then I graduated from a school that gave our head football coach an endowed chair, The Mack Brown Distinguished Chair for Leadership in Global Affairs. Please, someone tell me what Mack Brown has to do with global affairs.

I have no room to talk. Lou Holtz can carry on.

cinci @ #24…wouldn’t that be “thigniphicanth”?

My sleep was aided by the ultimate understanding that the SOS I watched last night was not the SOS I remembered from the Wonder Years of the ’90’s in Gainesville…the nagging question about the rehiring of SOS or the hiring of Meyer has now been fully and completely put to rest in my mind. Kinda like that one girl that maybe you could have or should have and you always wondered what if…then you see her with all six kids and her hair in curlers and think “Ahhh, no…good choice” to yourself in quiet thanks for paying attention to your inner guidance. The world works…just give it a chance.

8 and 38, geesh, their snappers name wasn’t on any arrest sheet. it was some christopher or something, get your facts straight people. and look at the pictures, its not the same kid