DR. LOU, TIUJANA BRAIN SURGEON

Reader email begins this discussion of whatever the hell the Dr. Lou segment was last night. Mike asks:

It's like the pep talk, but without the aspects of the pep talk that made sense. Please explain what I saw last night and help me prevent spontaneous cerebral combustion.

Some things defy explanation. The sublimity of the pep talks last year, where Holtz was allowed to leap around in front of the camera in his natural environment like lithe mercury-swilling madman he really is, have instead been replaced by a seated Holtz doing his best Leo Marvin-via-the-Catskills shrink routine. The results can only be explained by one thing and one thing only: the devastating effects of penis hookworm.

Glad we could clear that up for you. Mad, awkward bit on ESPN = sure sign of penis hookworm. Judging from the number of awkward, mad bits on ESPN, there must be a raging infestation at Bristol. Alert the CDC at once, and tell them to lay down quarantine orders at once for all infected individuals save for Merrill Hoge, who is too far gone for medical science to save.

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