Our obvious West Coast Bias is showing. The best game of the night came last, rewarding those of us who consumed five Diet Cokes after dark yesterday. Oregon State looked like your nightmare NCAA game, the one you play with only one game left in an undefeated season on Heisman, outgaining Stanford 490 to 301 in yardage and getting 29 first downs to Stanford’s 19 and…losing 36-28


Your hands are covered in defeat. Go wash them.

Sometime in the fourth quarter the menu popped up “DO YOU WANT TO DEFRAGMENT QUARTERBACK CLICK YES OR YES.” Dutifully clicking, OSU’s Lyle Moevao threw for a safety (on a lateral pass in the endzone,) a pick six, and made a beautiful underneath pass to Darrell Catchings with under two minutes to go that would have had the Beavers at first and goal down by eight. Fortunately, Catchings got us all to bed reasonably late by tossing the Beavers’ second fumble through the endzone, crushing
any hopes of a win and ensuring that the computer (played brilliantly by Stanford) prevailed.

Don’t worry: you can still quit the game before the clock runs out. Oregon State, however, cannot.

Cock, Fired. Ahem:

“Chris Smelley did come in and play very well. We’ll have to watch the tape, analyze it to see what in the world happened to Tommy,” Spurrier said.

The chances of Tommy Beecher seeing the starting job again cannot be expressed with simple math, so low are they. Chris Smelley is your new starter, it’s time to pull the plug on the Beecher experiment, according to Garnet and Black Attack, who watched aghast as South Carolina played their eleventh straight quarter of offensive atrocity in a season opener. In the twelfth, however, Chris Smelley came on and looked comfortable and RUTS-ish against a completely broken NC State team that only gained 138 yards on the night.

Tom O’Brien had no reaction. He just doesn’t. Ever.

Atrocious puns, yes; option, also yes. Our report on the first showing of the Georgia Tech flexbone and the sad pummeling of Ryan Perrilloux is at the Sporting Blog. In short: the option works really well when you’re three grades better than your opposition, Georgia Tech seems more alive than they’ve looked in five years, and the video they play before the game done by two guys who call themselves the GTG’s not only pun atrociously on the standard Georgia Tech student email address, but also make Durst Rap with a calculus edge.

It’s the GTGsAAAAhHHGGkdjjjkkkkkkk[/garroted].

When you doubt Vandy you slit your own throat. We picked Miami of Ohio in this game, and Vandy does what they never always do: prove us right wrong every time.

It’s like the Hamptons, but with heat stroke. Florida’s going all-white for the Hawaii game to “White-Out Cancer.” DO YOU HEAR THAT CANCER? We’re coming for you. If Urban were a real player, he’d have pubic hair maintenance requirements like Diddy did for his White Party, though God have mercy on the souls of those who have to check for that for 90,000 hammered Florida fans.