There is only one winner here: you, the viewer. Since Blon54 insisted we don’t give enough props to the Big 12, we lead off with not one, but TWO notes on the Dustbowl SEC. The first is that the tailback race at Texas is down to two backs now that Foswhitt Whittaker, a.k.a. “Fozzy,” has fallen behind due to a “minor knee injury.” (”Minor” in football terms equals “severed below the leg by a shark on South Padre Island. 2-3 weeks.”)


Now starting, your normal freakishly talented man in burnt orange with the outstanding name.

Vondrell McGee and Chris Ogbonnaya will likely run 1-2, with McGee playing the rugged leading man part while Ogbonnaya tugs at the heartstrings with an underplayed third down back crippled by his addiction to pass blocking and a downhearted woman he just can’t let go.

Matter, mattering. One of the best mainstream football blogs–one that actually resembles a blog in all the good ways–is Dave Matter’s Behind the Stripes on the Missouri Tigers, since he gives the purely useful…

Both banged up starters on offense fully expect to be in the starting lineup Saturday against Illinois. Tight end Chase Coffman (broken pinky finger) and receiver Jared Perry (dislocated shoulder) practiced at full speed on Saturday and Sunday.

…and the obligatorily off-topic and random, like noting that on Saturday Lee Corso referred to Jeremy Maclin as “Jeremy McClain.” We think we know what Maclin’s booty-call hotel sign-in name for this year is going to be. Thanks, Dave! He’ll be much easier to corner for that extra-special exclusive interview now.

Howard Schnellenberger, Ice Pirate. In this map of the cosmos, FAU sits far out against the very fringes of the galaxy, which is just how Captain Schnellenberger likes us. You need someone there to guard the great barrier. A man who knows tough. A man ready to go Death Blossom when the time comes. A man who understands real bravery runs behind a head of rum-soaked steam and a mustache shield. A true Ice Pirate, is he.

Brandon Spikes, stylish and gimpy. Florida’s starting linebacker Brandon Spikes will not start against Hawaii on Saturday due to a foot injury. You want more information? You’ll have to rip it from Urban Meyer’s cold, dead hands, punk, because as far as you know it’s somewhere between an ingrown toenail and frostbite requiring amputation. There? That help you a little bit? See, coach isn’t completely heartless yes I am.

Rick Neuheisel, pointing towards excellence. Rick Neuheisel takes a page from the Urban Meyer playbook and points the way towards a bipolar L.A. college football scene. Bipolar would be the correct word this season, since one side is going to forge forward giddily into the national title picture confidently, and the other will begin the comeback with the “moping around the apartment crying” scene.