CAPTION CONTEST: COLT MCCOY
[a knock at the door.]
Attractive woman in her mid-thirties in negligee: “Who iiiiiiis it?”
Voice: “Ma’am, I’m here to fix your pipes.”
[opens door]
Woman: And my pipes do need fixing.
Colt McCoy: I work sixty minutes at a time, ma’am. Let’s see how long this…problem takes to fix.
Woman: I don’t know…it seems my pipes have been neglected for so…long
Colt McCoy: I’ve got the tools for the job, ma’am.
Woman: A hammer with a football on the end?
Colt McCoy: Um…sure. Yes. A hammer with a football on the end.
Porn director: CUT!!! No improv!
Colt: Amateurs. YOU PEOPLE ARE AMATEURS! AMATEURS, I TELL YOU!
(HT: Ryan. No idea where this came from.)
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1
AlanInDC says:
You can guess what happens next, Jeffrey.
Uh… he fixes the cable?
/Lebowski’d
August 26th, 2008 at 10:45 am
2
Doug says:
“I may be a star quarterback for one of America’s most prestigious programs, but I’m also a hard worker. And every worker needs a tool. My tool is a football. And a tortured metaphor.”
August 26th, 2008 at 10:50 am
3
blon57 says:
No caption, just commentary.
Oh. shit. Who sent that photo to Orson?
Now do you people understand why I call the Austin American Statesman the Daily Disappointment?????????
You try to give some dignity to your alma mater and their respective conference and then THIS happens.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:53 am
4
DC Trojan says:
Just so long as you don’t set up a tag called “insertions” to go along with “corrections.”
August 26th, 2008 at 11:00 am
5
John Henry says:
Just another damned cracker trying to steal my starting job.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:01 am
6
GamecockTony says:
Ah, yes. The oft-neglected ‘would you like some sexy beef’ tag.
/hopes to never see that again
August 26th, 2008 at 11:02 am
7
Nate says:
Colt McCoy, decent college QB, awful construction worker.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:05 am
8
marcillac says:
Ah, for the days when women in their mid 30s were, like … you know … older.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:07 am
9
DevilGrad says:
LOFL! Comment #8 wins the thread.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:09 am
10
Cubehead says:
The Eyes of…Working On the Raaaiillroad.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:11 am
11
Chips O'Toole says:
Comrade McCoy urges the workers of the world to unite.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:15 am
12
gerry dorsey says:
“thor’s a homo”
August 26th, 2008 at 11:19 am
13
blon57 says:
Orson,
Can we go on to some to SEC news or picking on OU Jr today? MIke Gundy is callig his own plays this season. Surely there is something you can do with that?
August 26th, 2008 at 11:28 am
14
hunglikehussein says:
“12″ Check.
“Helmet with frenulum” Check.
“Colt” Check.
“long black phallus inserted subliminally into football ” Check.
Yes, I would say there is a lot going on here.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:30 am
15
Raider Red says:
Is that Ace or Gary?
August 26th, 2008 at 11:35 am
16
Big Ten Joe says:
Agreed, DevilGrad.
+100 Cocktails (and a melancholy toast) to marcillac @8.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:40 am
17
CrimsonBarrister says:
This week on Austin City Limits…The Village People!
August 26th, 2008 at 11:41 am
18
sonofsamford says:
Texas officials were unable to locate a steam-powered sex machine to accept McCoy’s challenge.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:49 am
19
Crabapple Buck says:
Who took Blon57’s screensaver?
August 26th, 2008 at 11:49 am
20
bearded thunder says:
GAYGAYGAYGAY
August 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
21
InsaneCoachPosse says:
Colt McCoy – always ready to pound it up the middle ladies
and he brings a big tool
August 26th, 2008 at 11:55 am
22
hunglikehussein says:
Only thing missing is that Longhorn logo that looks like the female reproductive system.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:57 am
23
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
“I’m ready to suit up and play for the Houston Oilers right now Coach Pardee.”
August 26th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
24
Kahuna says:
The Longhorns work hard, and they play hard… [cue "Everybody Dance Now"]
August 26th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
25
sb says:
With a name like “Colt”, we can assume he has yet to achieve the man-sized “Stallion” proportions so required in the industry. Regardless, it’s good he has a back-up plan and is making the right connections in an alternative liine of work. He may possibly grow into the “long” tool they keep mentioning…
August 26th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
26
Soonertruth says:
They had to make him the construction worker, ’cause if they made him the cop the rest of the team would run away
August 26th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
27
ponytail boy says:
-Playing football for texas is great!! Not only can I maintain my “village people” lifestyle, but I get to throw interceptions too!! Weeeeee
August 26th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
28
CincySooner says:
“Oh. Shit. Who sent that photo to Orson?”
Guilty your honor.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
29
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
Jevan Snead says that Coach Brown told him they were recruiting McCoy as a wildcatter because of his experience with 6-man leagues in high school.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
30
Holly says:
I’m repeating myself, but:
Colt McCoy: Welder by day, dancer by night.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
31
PW says:
As I recall, Texas published a promo picture before the 2005 season with Vince Young actually brandishing his own penis in a similar fashion.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
32
blon57 says:
#28
I should have known it would be a land thief.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
33
Pants McPants says:
Well done, #31…
August 26th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
34
hunterj6 says:
“Mom, Dad,…I’ll be back for dinner, I’m going to find me some black gold!”
August 26th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
35
MV3 says:
1) Excuse me, I am looking for a police officer, an American Indian Chief, a cowboy, an army guy and a guy in leather. Have you seen them? We are playing with some balls, I mean football as you can see by my hammer here. No, not that one, the one on my shoulder!
2) The Jeff Garcia of College Football.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
36
PortTrojan says:
Are we not men? I am Bevo.
Are we not men? B-E-V-O!
August 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
37
PJ from NU in SF says:
He looks like he spent summer vacation working construction in the Castro. Now that I think of it, there was a guy working on the site of what-used-to-be The Patio a few weeks ago, with much the same look…
August 26th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
38
them oklahoma says:
“after the vicious hit from Austin English in last year’s OU texas game, Colt McCoy has gone all Herschel Walker on UT, assuming himself America’s premiere porn star at random”
August 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
39
Uncle Meat says:
Where are the rest of the Village People?
August 26th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
40
Houston's Nutts says:
“My name may be Colt, but rest assured: I’m hung like a horse. And by ‘hung like a horse’ I mean I have a huge dick, which is totally emphasized by this so called hammer which I hold over my shoulder. God damn I’m a bad mofo. Circle this Corso.”
August 26th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
41
Petie says:
Wow, the Mystery Men have expanded their roster. Behold, the Burnt Citrus Slinger (BCS)!
August 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
42
Brian O'Blivion says:
“This hat doubles as my condom.”
August 26th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
43
Xaryn says:
God, the only thing that would improve that pic is if he had on a viking helmet and was wearing a fur loincloth. The football hammer can stay.
Crap, did I just say that out loud?
@8, I’m now one of those women in her mid-30’s. Younger men are alright, but men don’t get truly sexy and interesting until they hit their late-30’s/40’s. Just sayin’. *wonders if this made up for her comments about the viking helmet*
August 26th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
44
marcillac says:
@43
At least we have something to look forward.
FWIW, it would seem you do too because there are certainly women in their 40s and even, in some cases, early 50 who are stunningly compelling.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
45
hunglikehussein says:
Xaryn, not only did you say it out loud, but no telling what you are going to get in the E-mails.
Funniest post ever!
August 26th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
46
Xaryn says:
*facepalms*
I lose at following reading comprehension….that was unintentional.
August 27th, 2008 at 12:01 am
47
Brian says:
BUST A NUT!!
August 27th, 2008 at 9:08 am
48
DKR says:
i led the conference in interceptions last season and all i got was this lousy hard hat and a gay ass ‘football’ hammer?
August 27th, 2008 at 10:48 am
49
Brian says:
So you dont want a fish sandwich?
August 27th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
50
biggunks says:
#31 Pure greatness.
August 28th, 2008 at 2:23 pm