CAPTION CONTEST: COLT MCCOY
by Orson on Aug 26, 2008 11:43 AM EDT
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Print[a knock at the door.]
Attractive woman in her mid-thirties in negligee: "Who iiiiiiis it?"
Voice: "Ma'am, I'm here to fix your pipes."
[opens door]
Woman: And my pipes do need fixing.
Colt McCoy: I work sixty minutes at a time, ma'am. Let's see how long this...problem takes to fix.
Woman: I don't know...it seems my pipes have been neglected for so...long
Colt McCoy: I've got the tools for the job, ma'am.
Woman: A hammer with a football on the end?
Colt McCoy: Um...sure. Yes. A hammer with a football on the end.
Porn director: CUT!!! No improv!
Colt: Amateurs. YOU PEOPLE ARE AMATEURS! AMATEURS, I TELL YOU!
(HT: Ryan. No idea where this came from.)
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You can guess what happens next, Jeffrey.
Uh… he fixes the cable?
/Lebowski’d
by AlanInDC on Aug 26, 2008 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
“I may be a star quarterback for one of America’s most prestigious programs, but I’m also a hard worker. And every worker needs a tool. My tool is a football. And a tortured metaphor.”
by Doug on Aug 26, 2008 11:50 AM EDT reply actions
No caption, just commentary.
Oh. shit. Who sent that photo to Orson?
Now do you people understand why I call the Austin American Statesman the Daily Disappointment?????
You try to give some dignity to your alma mater and their respective conference and then THIS happens.
by blon57 on Aug 26, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
Just so long as you don’t set up a tag called “insertions” to go along with “corrections.”
by DC Trojan on Aug 26, 2008 12:00 PM EDT reply actions
Just another damned cracker trying to steal my starting job.
by John Henry on Aug 26, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions
Ah, yes. The oft-neglected ‘would you like some sexy beef’ tag.
/hopes to never see that again
by GamecockTony on Aug 26, 2008 12:02 PM EDT reply actions
Colt McCoy, decent college QB, awful construction worker.
by Nate on Aug 26, 2008 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
Ah, for the days when women in their mid 30s were, like … you know … older.
by marcillac on Aug 26, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions
Comrade McCoy urges the workers of the world to unite.
by Chips O'Toole on Aug 26, 2008 12:15 PM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Can we go on to some to SEC news or picking on OU Jr today? MIke Gundy is callig his own plays this season. Surely there is something you can do with that?
by blon57 on Aug 26, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
“12” Check.
“Helmet with frenulum” Check.
“Colt” Check.
“long black phallus inserted subliminally into football " Check.
Yes, I would say there is a lot going on here.
by hunglikehussein on Aug 26, 2008 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
Agreed, DevilGrad.
+100 Cocktails (and a melancholy toast) to marcillac @8.
by Big Ten Joe on Aug 26, 2008 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
This week on Austin City Limits…The Village People!
by CrimsonBarrister on Aug 26, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions
Texas officials were unable to locate a steam-powered sex machine to accept McCoy’s challenge.
by sonofsamford on Aug 26, 2008 12:49 PM EDT reply actions
Colt McCoy – always ready to pound it up the middle ladies
and he brings a big tool
by InsaneCoachPosse on Aug 26, 2008 12:55 PM EDT reply actions
Only thing missing is that Longhorn logo that looks like the female reproductive system.
by hunglikehussein on Aug 26, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
“I’m ready to suit up and play for the Houston Oilers right now Coach Pardee.”
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 26, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions
The Longhorns work hard, and they play hard… [cue “Everybody Dance Now”]
by Kahuna on Aug 26, 2008 1:11 PM EDT reply actions
With a name like “Colt”, we can assume he has yet to achieve the man-sized “Stallion” proportions so required in the industry. Regardless, it’s good he has a back-up plan and is making the right connections in an alternative liine of work. He may possibly grow into the “long” tool they keep mentioning…
by sb on Aug 26, 2008 1:21 PM EDT reply actions
They had to make him the construction worker, ’cause if they made him the cop the rest of the team would run away
by Soonertruth on Aug 26, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
-Playing football for texas is great!! Not only can I maintain my “village people” lifestyle, but I get to throw interceptions too!! Weeeeee
by ponytail boy on Aug 26, 2008 1:25 PM EDT reply actions
“Oh. Shit. Who sent that photo to Orson?”
Guilty your honor.
by CincySooner on Aug 26, 2008 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
Jevan Snead says that Coach Brown told him they were recruiting McCoy as a wildcatter because of his experience with 6-man leagues in high school.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 26, 2008 1:34 PM EDT reply actions
I’m repeating myself, but:
Colt McCoy: Welder by day, dancer by night.
by Holly on Aug 26, 2008 1:35 PM EDT reply actions
As I recall, Texas published a promo picture before the 2005 season with Vince Young actually brandishing his own penis in a similar fashion.
by PW on Aug 26, 2008 1:46 PM EDT reply actions
#28
I should have known it would be a land thief.
by blon57 on Aug 26, 2008 1:51 PM EDT reply actions
“Mom, Dad,…I’ll be back for dinner, I’m going to find me some black gold!”
by hunterj6 on Aug 26, 2008 2:05 PM EDT reply actions
1) Excuse me, I am looking for a police officer, an American Indian Chief, a cowboy, an army guy and a guy in leather. Have you seen them? We are playing with some balls, I mean football as you can see by my hammer here. No, not that one, the one on my shoulder!
2) The Jeff Garcia of College Football.
by MV3 on Aug 26, 2008 2:05 PM EDT reply actions
Are we not men? I am Bevo.
Are we not men? B-E-V-O!
by PortTrojan on Aug 26, 2008 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
He looks like he spent summer vacation working construction in the Castro. Now that I think of it, there was a guy working on the site of what-used-to-be The Patio a few weeks ago, with much the same look…
by PJ from NU in SF on Aug 26, 2008 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
“after the vicious hit from Austin English in last year’s OU texas game, Colt McCoy has gone all Herschel Walker on UT, assuming himself America’s premiere porn star at random”
by them oklahoma on Aug 26, 2008 2:27 PM EDT reply actions
“My name may be Colt, but rest assured: I’m hung like a horse. And by ‘hung like a horse’ I mean I have a huge dick, which is totally emphasized by this so called hammer which I hold over my shoulder. God damn I’m a bad mofo. Circle this Corso.”
by Houston's Nutts on Aug 26, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions
Wow, the Mystery Men have expanded their roster. Behold, the Burnt Citrus Slinger (BCS)!
by Petie on Aug 26, 2008 3:50 PM EDT reply actions
God, the only thing that would improve that pic is if he had on a viking helmet and was wearing a fur loincloth. The football hammer can stay.
Crap, did I just say that out loud?
@8, I’m now one of those women in her mid-30’s. Younger men are alright, but men don’t get truly sexy and interesting until they hit their late-30’s/40’s. Just sayin’. wonders if this made up for her comments about the viking helmet
by Xaryn on Aug 26, 2008 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
@43
At least we have something to look forward.
FWIW, it would seem you do too because there are certainly women in their 40s and even, in some cases, early 50 who are stunningly compelling.
by marcillac on Aug 26, 2008 5:10 PM EDT reply actions
Xaryn, not only did you say it out loud, but no telling what you are going to get in the E-mails.
Funniest post ever!
by hunglikehussein on Aug 26, 2008 5:15 PM EDT reply actions
facepalms
I lose at following reading comprehension….that was unintentional.
by Xaryn on Aug 27, 2008 1:01 AM EDT reply actions
i led the conference in interceptions last season and all i got was this lousy hard hat and a gay ass ‘football’ hammer?
by DKR on Aug 27, 2008 11:48 AM EDT reply actions
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