APPY STATE: NEVER SWIM WITHOUT TERRIFYING MASCOT

by Orson on Aug 25, 2008 10:42 AM EDT

Appalachian State rolls into LSU this weekend, which features actual football, REAL GODDAMN FOOTBALL GODDAMN FOOTBALLL STOP STANDING BETWEEN US AND FOOTBALLLLLLLL DAMN YOU!!!

Ahem. Saturday features, among many other games featuring real football, Appalachian State at LSU. Considering what happened last year at the Big House, just imagine the possibilities! Which include App State losing to LSU, the only thing that can and will happen despite ESPN frontloading their Saturday lineup with a 5:00 p.m slot for the game and much string-backed previewing.

BUT BUT BUT they're going to die out there. Not by embarrassing margins, but by substantial margins nonetheless--24 points, according to Doc Sports, who for some reason has LSU listed as Clemson, which must be a cunning ruse by Les Miles in an attempt to give ASU some hope in the form of a Bowden Fumblegame early in the season.

What they won't do, though? They won't drown, because Appalachian State gets water safety like champions do.

Coco Hillary deserves an Emmy for his performance in this video, though a special Emmy for special effects should be given to Armanti Edwards' accent. That thing is mindbending.

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is that michigan’s strength and conditioning coach throwing those crazy eyes??

by gerry dorsey on Aug 25, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

Doc Sports also thinks Jacksonville State is in Florida. I guess they didn’t watch the news about RP and have never heard of proofreading.

by hobeg8r on Aug 25, 2008 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

They say time heals all wounds…except for these crazy eyes.
-Crazy Eyes

by PW on Aug 25, 2008 11:01 AM EDT reply actions

Fuckin’ A alcohol and water don’t mix. I’m not a sorority girl; I take my Scotch straight, thank you very much.

by Doug on Aug 25, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

“Alcohol and water don’t mix” — Blake Elder

That’s just not accurate. Bourbon and Branch is just one example, Blake. Also, a little H2O in scotch pulls out the flavor so you can experience the complexities of different labels. And we haven’t even talked about ouzo or absinthe – consider tonic water, Blake! Have you ever drank straight gin? Of course not. It’s awful. A little water helps us to properly enjoy hosts of adult beverages.

What are they teaching the kids up there in Boone?

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 25, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

what in the name of all that is holy is the Orgeron doing in this Russian broadcast!????

by InsaneCoachPosse on Aug 25, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Can’t. Stop. Watching. Bug. Eyed. Guy.

by Brian O'Blivion on Aug 25, 2008 11:20 AM EDT reply actions

As always … HOT HOT HOT!!!

by Mons Venus Flytrap on Aug 25, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

I was waiting for the W.C. Fields punchline:

“When you’re around water, don’t drink!…I understand fish fuck in it”

by sullivan013 on Aug 25, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

Hello my name is Armanti Edwards, I come from a rough area, I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean, that is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.

by gosouthgohard on Aug 25, 2008 11:30 AM EDT reply actions

Come on, Blake Elder… this is no way to get an invite to Minnesota Vikings training camp

by Grimey on Aug 25, 2008 11:34 AM EDT reply actions

You can’t swim by yourself!!!
That’s dangerous!!!

by T-Bird on Aug 25, 2008 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

Blake Elder is so well spoken…

by Mooncricket on Aug 25, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

I appreciate Blake Elder swaying as nervously as if this PSA is about to make or break his shot at future sports endorsements.

by gold man on Aug 25, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, I know east Tennessee is historically less diverse than the rest of the SE, but I didn’t notice anything particularly noteworthy about the Armanti Edwards accent.

by Chg on Aug 25, 2008 12:36 PM EDT reply actions