Everyday Should Be Saturday

August 22, 2008

CORRECTIONS, 8/22/2008

An item in Monday’s Curious Index referred to television presence Pam Ward as a “football analyst”. We realize this may have given our readers the impression that Pam Ward provides analysis of football games or speaks cogently (or even coherently) on football-related topics. This impression is patently inaccurate, and we regret the error.

On Wednesday, the caption for the following photo was listed incorrectly.

It is not, as we listed, the “Jungle House” in the Dominican Republic that former coach Bobby Pruett used to entertain Marshall football recruits. (more…)

THE KID RIDES AGAIN: WEEKENDS TO RUIN YOUR LIFE

The Kid from House Rock Built returns with the five weekends from the upcoming schedule that will destroy your life as you know it. Now featuring only one gratuitous Gladiator reference!

Well, considering Swindle is going out and publishing his own brand of fucking odds these days, and well if its any one but AJ, youre stealing my bit! Doesnt matter, cant keep setting book week in and week out, the last time we did that at our previous job, the Trev had his fibula broken in a number of ways. They kind of did a Sid Vicious number on him, but that is neither here nor there. So we’ll get back into standard listing mode, but we have to think that this is more of a public service announcement than anthing else. You know…..we don’t really feel right announcing that all on our own….GET US A FUCKING MUPPET!

This is a Muppet News Flash! The following 5 weekends will ruin both your liver and your relationship with your spouse or life mate!

Week 1

The long wait is over. Sure, there’s not an EPIC SLATE of football madness to slake your thirst, but there is certainly enough insanity to go around for one Labor Day weekend. (more…)

KEVIN RILEY, PANTSLESS HERO

Now that’s what a starting quarterback should look like: Gary Cherone-ish, pantsless, and enjoying a kiss with a friend.

IT’S LIKE JIM TRESSEL, BUT IT BLEEDS BEER

The most disturbing consumer item available on the market has to be Jupmode.com’s Sweatervest Koozy, the tiny Tresselhide for your beer that shows that not only do you love America’s coach, but that you kind of want to take a miniature version of him, rip his head off, and drink beer from his neck.

If only this came with an actual little plastic head you could attach to the cap, then we could sell literally tens of these in Syracuse Orange with little Greg Robinson heads. TENS, we say. (HT: Big Jon.

CURIOUS INDEX, 8/22/08

Nate Longshore will be the starter unless Kevin Riley is and he is so there. Nate Longshore was the evident leader going into last week, but something in the past week must have convinced the Tedfordbot that Kevin Riley, the less Tedfordbottish of the two quarterbacks competing for Cal’s starting spot, was the automaton for the job. Listen to him say it yourself.

Riley led Cal’s comeback against Air Force in the Armed Forces bowl, and has the edge on Longshore in terms of “spontaneous, occasionally risky behavior as a quarterback,” as well as better speed. (Tedford even called options for Riley at the goalline last year, which forced up to drop a perfectly good vodka tonic on the ground in shock.)

Cromptonites, rejoice. Jonathan Crompton performed splendidly at Tennessee’s scrimmage, pleasing the radical wing of the Tennessee fanbase known as Cromptonites, who rejoiced by firing their blunderbusses in the air and dining on smoked bear meat that evening. Crompton threw two TDs, Montario Hardesty had 79 yards on four carries, and the “really complex” Clawfense appeared to be clicking well against the defense. An offense doing well against the Tennessee defense is shocking, shocking news indeed.

Baton Rouge Standards Met. Well, yes. Of course someone has this in Louisiana.

G.I. Joe Terminology is in effect. Georgia Tech may have “malfunctioned” during their scrimmage, but at least they’re all enjoying their new G.I. Joe code names, especially linebacker Brad Jefferson.

Fellow sophomore Morgan Burnett, a starting safety, said Jefferson was flawless. “Gladiator takes it and calls out the defense,” Burnett said. “We just play what Gladiator says. He’s a very intelligent guy, so he always knows his stuff.”

Matt Josh “Roadblock” Nesbitt has recovered from a shoulder nick he suffered earlier in fall practice, Paul “Destro” Johnson wishes they were further along, and defensive coordinator Dave “Zartan” Wommack says they’ll get some of the glitches with defensive signals ironed out before the opener.

Should you need a profanity, and you reach for said profanity from your mental cookie jar of fucks, shits, and asses, and you find your cookie jar sadly and completely empty…blame Jon Tenuta. He used them all.

Now get off his pads and get your head out of your ass. HIT!

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