FOCUS GROUP: SEX DURING FOOTBALL SEASON

Les Miles: “And remember Tiger Fans….I don’t come to Death Valley without my hat…no reason you should either.”

Seriously, you two are starting to creep me out.
This is like Greg and Marcia discussing sex.

And could you please tell Mrs. Gamecock that I am just trying to be “efficient”? Thanks.

Maybe this is just latent punctuation dyslexia creeping up on me, but every time I glance at that headline it says “Focus: Group Sex During Football Season.”

That’s for the Ragin’ Cajun blogs to cover.

Sex? People still have sex?

Good to know someone is…

All this talk about relations is getting my [GENITALS REDACTED] in a huff.

What’s going on with Percy Harvin? I just saw a WWL pre-commercial teaser hinting that he might be hurt.

I don’t know… this might really creep out everybody else at the Beef O’Brady’s

When getting head during a game called by Brent Musburger, is it acceptable to say “YOU’RE LOOKING LIVE at the tip of my penis!”

Recliner head should be acceptable during conference games. If your team is getting blown out in the third quarter, why can’t you.

Suddenly, the smell of over-cooked corndogs is wafting through the air. It must be halftime in the LSU game.

I see the waiting has finally pushed this blog over the edge

looking at bunda on Fridays is one thing… yakking about bumping uglies is another

We weren’t over the edge already? FAIL.

What if you’re making love to Tim Brando? Also, can I get a ruling on using Herbstreit as a marital aid and having sex during Keith Jackson’s broadcasts? Oh, Nelly!

“Gets me slippery” is one for the pantheon.

Yakking about it is as close as I’ve gotten to bumping uglies in many months. Don’t take this away from me.

@Grimey #9: + as many cocktails as you think Brent could handle. Outstanding.

@Blon – you’re married, too, huh?

1. Also, can I get a ruling on using Herbstreit as a marital aid and having sex during Keith Jackson’s broadcasts?

I would take a vow of chasity the rest of my life.

Over the edge and ONTO THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR WOO RUGBURN!!

(What?)

I can even spell it…chastity

After several attempts to rationalize this, I just can’t get next to the sex-and-CBS idea. No one I’d rather watch than Verne and Gary, but the nature of their appeal would make it like fucking in front of your uncles, which, Tennessee upbringing aside, eewwww.

#16

No. Sad, isn’t it?

So married people don’t have sex either?

wait… can I get a ruling please?

what about having PIP w/porn going in the corner? half-screen? maybe a second TV?

Wow… used to be all Herbstreit zingers and Tebow oogling over here… now we’re bringing recliner head and skirt scallop to the table.

Nice work Orso

Holly,

I’m sure Uncle Verne would approve…

“Get’s me slippery” just became the quote of the day.

Y’all gave me a great new idea – Thinking of Brando during sex would be useful for “prolonging the magic” (true story – I use to mentally play the front nine of the Harry Pritchett Golf Complex don’t judge; it’s all about her satisfaction). Mark May would be an acceptable substitute – Reece just hits to close to home. Obviously the thought of Verne or Holtz would cause a loss of use type reaction – no fun for either partner. It also goes without saying that Herbstriet would just send you over the edge. Of course, saying his name might send her as well.
Thanks guys, this is what I needed to focus on today.

What about yelling “WIDE LEFT” while pulling out? Or can you only do that in a Tallahassee bar bathroom?

hummm…say Orson….

does this post have the aproval of TCOAN? I always like to let my conscience guide me

100 cocktails to Orson and Holly for this.

Reverse cowgirl and your recliner exist for a reason. Gotta put them to use, especially when the offense is “pounding it up the middle.”

What happens when Erin Andrews appears on screen. Something premature perhaps

30 posts in and none of you degenerates have mentioned Beano Cook. I’m surprised.

I’m here for the group colon sex.

Isn’t that what the title of this thing says?

Halftime is strictly for makin’ bump-belly jelly.

OK, now Mark May is someone I definitely could not have sex in front of. As a Georgia fan, I’d be constantly worried that he was going to start telling me I was overrated, my technique wasn’t really that good, and there were plenty of other SEC fans who could pleasure her better.

Doug, have faith. May would tell you how a HAWAII fan could do it better and then you’d give said lady the ride of a lifetime while said WAC nitwit wept sulkily in the corner.

@21 – Yes, we do.
Just not with each other.
/kidding

Doug, as an Auburn fan, I feel your pain. Watching Corso on ESPN would have the same effect on me. Also, watching any KU or ND would be a show stopper once they showed the Mangina or Weis.

To paraphrase Liz Phair:

She said she like to do it backwards, I said that’s just fine with me… that way we can f*ck and watch TV

#36

Mrs. Gamecock may not appreciate your sense of humor and may not appreciate efficiency. :-)

Is that 9-way comment true, because if it is, i gotta give props

Is it weird that I’m fixated on the “gets me slippery” thing? Damn I’m just glad to be a fan of the same team of a girl who talks like that. Of course, the commonalities probably stop there, but I’ll take what I can get.

This advice is all very well for those of you who are unmarried and / or free of spawn, but it’s easy to be casual about settling for a half-time hummer on Saturday when Sunday through Thursday are lubricated with an impudent recent vintage that has notes of cheap domestic beer, water-based lubricants, and essence of Guitar Hero.

For those of us whose wine of love-making is rather like a rare Latour Burgundy – rare, scheduled in advance in an environment requiring the outlay of significant cash, and possessed of a terroir that suggests long dry periods – priorities are necessarily different. Specifically, if the missus appears in front of the television during a game and is ready to rumble, there are four applicable conditions that determine your response:

1) is my team winning by a wide margin? Then it’s time for a quick run and spike in the wifely endzone, and take the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty as the price of scoring unblocked.

2) is my team in a tense, close-scoring game? Then it’s time to get that quick release through the v-line, perhaps from a five-step schtup that sets you up for a deep strike in the secondary.

3) is my team losing? Wash away the bitter taste of defeat with the tangy pinkberry swirl under your tongue – it keeps your eyes off the screen, and you may get to put a topping of your choice on the sundae afterwards.

4) does this game not involve my team at all? Show your romantic side by turning on the dvr and turning your full attention to playing the naughty coach and the scared cheerleader. (Vary according to teams last viewed, e.g. the Bishop and the pliant novice for ND – Boston College, the elder and sister-wife 2 for BYU – Utah, etc. Any game involving UCLA quarterbacks should be avoided except for couples with S&M experience or at least one partner with a stump fetish.)

Sex and football? Isn’t this like the episode of Seinfeld where George combined sex, food and TV into one uncontrollable urge.
Anyways, here would my announcers to listen to while getting it on:
Ron Franklin, Brad Nessler, Brent Musberger, Chris Fowler

No, married people do not have sex. That’s why we got married. To stop having sex.

For Mrs. Bevo, Kirk Herbstreit does it for her on Saturdays and John Lynch on Sundays.

Yes, we worship at both (football) houses at the Bevo residence.

DCTrojan @ 42: +1000. Those situational scenarios should be put on a card, very much like the “Two-Point Card”, and sold. Maybe Swindle Industries could work out a distribution deal through the site.

UFJim @ 40: You never really know what you’re going to get into up there, you just know you will. Just like summiting K2, and equally as dangerous.

No mention of hottie Sideline Reporters? Tracy Wolfson, Stacey Dales, or Bonnie Bernstein could be deal-breakers for me, especially in the early high-temperature months when they’re wearing less.

So the Miami Dolphins are my enemies now! I offered (more liked begged) for sex from my friend with benefits partner, and he said to wait until half time, so I did! half time came, he started performing oral and then I realized HE WAS SOFT! so I offered to help and I worked for a little bit, we stated in the actual act and then half time ended….the Dolphins started playing and HE WENT SOFT AGAIN INSIDE!!!!!!!!!!! What a freaking insult to a woman that is! needless to say, I told him to F*** off, left his house and he continued watching his game. Was I wrong for asking for sex during his team’s game??