CURIOUS INDEX, 8/19/08
by Orson on Aug 19, 2008 9:46 AM EDT
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The dream lives ooooooooon!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES: Foundations laid, history's made, and we're all drinking Schnellenburgerade! Try to avoid guffawing when they mention losing to Oklahoma State, and just show a black screen for an awkward half-second. Iowa State has had so many kegs of beer dent the pavement in Ames' Campustown that the city has decided that the jacked-up pavement will be replaced with a rubber sidewalk. Iowa State, you live to win, and for that we salute you with ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS. (HT: 'Fesser. Oh, Mike Gundy. You truly are the bottomless vodka bottle that never fails to dizzy the equilibrium and cloud the judgment. He's right, though: the Big Ten quarterbacks' roster is a lackluster one. When you seriously give thought to ranking C.J. Bacher as the second best qb in conference, you are working with the tails and snouts of college signal calling. (Counter! To be fair, snouts and tails can be "a religious epiphany.") JUCO transfer Kevin Craft will start at qb UCLA, and is currently being carried aloft in a sedan chair hermetically encased in a plastic bubble to prevent injury. He is taking online courses to prevent infections from paper cuts. Averaging 9 and a half yards every time you touch the ball, doing your homework, and working out like a fiend while earning a reputation as one of the best players in college football. BUT WHERE IS HIS SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP EAGLE SPIRITNESS!!! As bad a mood as we're in today, we would usually call this an odious piece of monkey shit served on a bed of idiotballs. But we're actually pulling for Galactus to devour the Earth today, so black is our mood...so, yeah, it's total monkeyshit on idiotball arugula served with a "What the fuck do you want, journoboy? Bullshit pep squad moves?" Get Percy some pom-poms! Stat! |
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I always ask for my idiotballs on the side when I order my monkeyshit, but that’s just me.
by AlanInDC on Aug 19, 2008 9:51 AM EDT reply actions
Rubber sidewalks are a brilliant idea.
Now the bums will just fall and bounce right back up to their feet.
/do they have bums in Ames, Iowa? Or anywhere in Iowa?
by GamecockTony on Aug 19, 2008 10:06 AM EDT reply actions
Tomorrow’s headline:
Craft to miss 4-6 weeks with carpal tunnel, blames online English 113.
by dudis41 on Aug 19, 2008 10:09 AM EDT reply actions
I’m sorry Orson, It almost sounded like you were defending a Gator. You must be in a foul mood.
by plastic paddy on Aug 19, 2008 10:23 AM EDT reply actions
That loss to Michigan in the Citrus Bowl has really aged you…
by Twisted Martini on Aug 19, 2008 10:24 AM EDT reply actions
Now, did players bad behavior stop LSU (i.e. R.P.) from winning last year? Oklahoma in the 80s? I think not. Character is completely overrated. So is team discipline.
Orson has seen the light.
by blon57 on Aug 19, 2008 10:35 AM EDT reply actions
Schnellenburgerade? What happened to Schnellenshine?
That song is soooo bad I’ll be singing it all day.
by yoyofutbawl on Aug 19, 2008 10:45 AM EDT reply actions
Percy Harvin kicks puppies and detests white girls!
by Tricky Dick on Aug 19, 2008 10:47 AM EDT reply actions
Harvin has a history of assulting other athletes.
Should we assume they’re U of F football players, or are is the Pakistani badminton team in jeoparday?
by OhioDawg on Aug 19, 2008 10:49 AM EDT reply actions
The comments are blistering that author on the heralds site.
by Ryno on Aug 19, 2008 10:54 AM EDT reply actions
Percy Harvin is responsible for Hurricane Katrina and the recent economic downturn. He also makes no homo jokes.
by Tricky Dick on Aug 19, 2008 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
If Bacher is the second-best QB in the Big Televen, it’s going to be a long and painfully inconsistent season for everyone. I’m convinced that he’s the second coming of Sandy Schwab.
by PJ from NU in SF on Aug 19, 2008 11:01 AM EDT reply actions
8-
Did players’ bad behavior stop UT from winning when they had 8 arrests in one year?
/glass houses, rocks, etc.
by chuy on Aug 19, 2008 11:06 AM EDT reply actions
I knew the Big Ten QBs were nothing special (to say the least), but when it was pointed out to me by a friend that the most efficient passer in the league last year was Bryan Hoyer (the same QB I watched turn the ball over six times in the Champs Sports Bowl and misfired so badly four times in a row in OT against Northwestern that not even Tacopants would have had a chance), I just sat there gibbering for a couple minutes.
by SpartanDan on Aug 19, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions
#17
Ever heard of sarcasm?
Actually, we went 10-3, which can be considered a losing season in Austin since we didn’t win the Big 12. And I believe the total was nine, with one suspended for NCAA rule violations. Maybe I’m wrong on the total and the eight included this kid.
We were on a roll that year.
by blon57 on Aug 19, 2008 11:21 AM EDT reply actions
Orson, please tell me you’ve seen the stuff about Schnelly calling out Texas.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Aug 19, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions
I always thought that IA State might be a fun school to attend. They drink like the Big 10, but a college of 25K in a town of 20K. Kinda like Lord of the Flies, but comprised of electrical engineers and agriculturists. Interesting mix. However, science^math + farming = no chicks. Huge sausage problem there.
by meatybob on Aug 19, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions
Hmmm, SpartanDan, Hoyer was 49th in the country in PE last season, whole Boeckman was 13th. So I dunno if they were talking B10 games only, which still seems unlikely…
by Pants McPants on Aug 19, 2008 3:28 PM EDT reply actions
@23: I didn’t think it sounded right. Maybe he said second behind Boeckman and I forgot the details over the long offseason. In any case, Hoyer’s performance last year being above average in the Big Ten does not bode well. (I wonder if this was prior to the bowl game; Lewis, Donovan, and Painter are all above him by narrow margins too, and the bowl game certainly would have taken Hoyer down a few notches – 14/36, 2 TDs, 4 INTs is somewhat suboptimal.)
by SpartanDan on Aug 19, 2008 5:37 PM EDT reply actions
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