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SEGUE-TASTIC: THE DENT IN GEORGE SELVIE'S HEAD

Take this segue and freeze it in amber, as someday, when all of its kind have been killed by some kind of editorial asteroid, science may find it, extract its DNA, and create a new army of inconceivably strong awkward lead-in segues for columnists to admire, fear, and learn from:

USF defensive end George Selvie still has a dent from the time a Buick rolled off a car jack and hit him in the head during his infancy.

He has spent the past two seasons causing similar dents in opposing quarterbacks.

You're in awe. That's normal. Your heartrate is also probably Alp-ing and you're seeing spots right now, too. We accept no legal responsibility for this, either.

Selvie is God's Own Badass, though--this is a crucial point that must not be forgotten. In the Stoops-ish Cover 2 scheme the Bulls run, edge rush is crucial, and DEs are more often than not let loose on the qb like so many hungry hounds. When you have a defensive end who can wreck shop on a blocking scheme like Selvie, you can avoid making some of the potentially risky adjustments defensive coordinators have to make against the WVU spread and its zone read game. The 14.5 sacks is a glamour stat, but the 31.5 tackles for loss waxes even more impressive when you consider the deep holes USF put its opponents in on a regular basis.


George Selvie, seen here surprising Pat White by performing the "tackle" maneuver on him.

In the mortality indices offensive coordinators use to draw up insurance policies, he's "category 5 hurricane with chance of shrapnel showers."

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Nick Hogan is unimpressed

by Grimey on Aug 18, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions  

Oh yeah….well a short school bus rolled on Bob Saget’s cock and balls while Stamos was applying anal lube with his tongue while shitting in Gilbert Godfrey’s general direction. Sorry….too much roast for me.

And yes, George Selvie is a badass dude. I’m pretty sure I would’ve died if somone threw a hotwheels car at my head with any velocity.

by SpookyJuice on Aug 18, 2008 10:56 AM EDT reply actions  

And to think I was bitching and cursing a blue streak because I got bitten by a couple fire ants this morning.

At first I was like “Whatever” when Steele put USF at #8 or something in his preseason rankings, but now I’m thinking the Bulls deserve to be the consensus #1 pick based on Selvie’s injury alone.

by Doug on Aug 18, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions  

Comparable to the Knoxville New Sentinel’s headline this morning on freshman RB Tauren Poole: “Poole Not in Over His Head.” Because you can get in over your head in a pool! Which sounds like Poole! Credit to Joel at RTT for pointing that gem out.

by Vol on Aug 18, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions  

Orson, can you add a new “Fire Joe Morgan” tag for posts about atrocious writing?

by Fightin' Englishman on Aug 18, 2008 11:48 AM EDT reply actions  

That USF-WV matchup isn’t glamorous, but it’s going to be one of the most entertaining games of the year. Speed! Pain! Hell, I’m drunk already!

by Brewdog on Aug 18, 2008 12:32 PM EDT reply actions  

People are rushing to suck Selvie’s dick, but the man disappeared in Piscataway last season.

by Nick on Aug 18, 2008 1:13 PM EDT reply actions  

Meh. Oregon completely neutralized him in the Sun Bowl. Maybe he only looks super-human because of the sub-par competition…

by jfwells on Aug 18, 2008 1:27 PM EDT reply actions  

say what you will, but Brandon Cox’s Vagina hasn’t been the same since last year’s game

by InsaneCoachPosse on Aug 18, 2008 1:36 PM EDT reply actions  

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