BEVERAGES FIT FOR A COACH

Suggestion:

Joepa’s Scotch
It has been aged over eighty years in strong, plodding, oaken buckets that couldn’t even grow fast. It has a strong character which it also demands be reciprocated by the drinker. Longs for the good old days and is so strong you might just believe you are back in a world before ESPN and “the blog” after only a tiny sip.

Schellenshine. UK grad too. Hazard County, baby.

Shellenshine is grade A. Kudos as always OS.

Croom looks like he’s ready to do a cognac bong in that picture.

You forgot to mention that “CRUM” is often overrated and overpriced because of its’ color and not based on anything else. You can’t judge a drink by it’s color or packaging. You should only judge it when you have opened it up and let it breathe.

The Pelini-tini: Makes your pee a deep Husker scarlet and, unlike most mid-grade booze, actually makes it more difficult for Chase Daniel to date rape you.

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[NAME REDACTED] tried CRUM once and it was not to his liking.

@TwoGreatTastes – if you had to watch MSU’s offense, you’d bong cognac too.

SchnellenShine, FTW. I have no qualms admitting I’m not man enough to drink it.

Shouldn’t Crimson Tide be lethal — at least if imbibed by sea creatures?

That Dog wouldn’t use Croom for the Molatov cocktails he and and the boys are going to throw at certain churches, but he sure does like that milk.

The Schnellenshine photo made me laugh so hard that I almost sharted my shorts.

I like how I got a Google ad for Mott’s Clamato underneath the Crimson Tide Nutrition Beverage.

ohhhhh…this is fun!!!

Donut Grease Gravy Liqueur – the apertif of Hillbilly Kings everywhere!!

Seven! – energy drink endorsed by Coach T. Tuberville

B. Arnold Bourbon – Coach Rodriquez is said to down a bottle every day!!

Ecstasy – Bottled form of that popular rave enhancer said to be favored by App St, Pitt, LSU and Stanford last year… definitely passe at Rutgers, though

Mangino drinks Gravy.

/fat joke

I would drink Pete Carroll’s Fight On Elixer out of His Coachness Rick Nuheisel’s asscrack.

Throw ’em all together and add three fingers of Drank, and call it the Swindle Special.

Brett Bielema’s Big Red Underachievade.

Joe Tiller’s Oatmeal Liqueur. Makes you dream of Wilford Brimley and home health supplies.

Phat Phil’s Possum Ale. Made with real East Tenn. roadkill.

Cap’n ARRRRR’s Pirate Punch. Incites you to rape and pillage Austin.

The possibilities are endless.

Urban Meyer’s Meyerita: Don’t let the breezy blue color and its trademark orange slice and flimsy umbrella garnishes fool you: this concoction is straight diesel, lawya. This drink is guaranteed to be the fastest to get you from zero to blotto- in less time than you can say “baby rhino.”

WARNING: not recommended for consumption in anything but strict moderation and in the presence of a large and trustworthy group of friends for protection, as the resulting loss of inhibitions and motor skills compromises one’s ability to defend even the weakest pass attempts on a saturday night.

Rumple Richt – similar to Rumpleminze. May cause DUIs.

Nuheisel Nector – whatever it is it’s fruity and has an umbrella.

Paterno Old Crow Whiskey – nuff said.

Petrino Pellegrino – I hate Italian stereotypes…they make-a me mad!

Urban Meyer Whine Cooler – popular in Athens.

Phil Fulmerlot – nice, full bodied bouquet with hints of pumpkin and krispy kreme.

What – No Houston Nutt Brown Ale?

Until last year, Crum was only considered VS. Good to see it’s made the jump to XO.

Tresschnapps……looks unassuming in the buttoned down bottle, but will sneak up on you and kill you after you’ve gone to sleep. Strikingly ineffective in the Southeast, possibly due to superior liver strength from drinking moonshine for generations

Brett Bielema’s Big Red Underachievade.

+100 servings. Wow.

Alabama Abscynith – one sip and you will see a bear as your god and believe that houndstooth wallpaper is the only way to decorate!!

Fat Charlie’s Lard Liquor – good for dissolving stomach staples and a favorite in Annapolis.

Currently out of circulation Ed Orgeron beef jerky and Hummer flavored WildBoyz! Energy Drink. May cause death. Or retardation. But you won’t know how much you miss it until it’s gone.