5 FIGHT SONGS TO GET YOUR SWOLE ON

by Orson on Aug 15, 2008 11:09 AM EDT

The Kid from House Rock Built presents his 5 Fight Songs for Getting Your Swole On. Get cracking! There's hang cleans to be done, son! BARWIS SEES ALL.

We don't know about the rest of you, but we are definitely that guy at the gymnasium with the iPod zoning out, trying to forget they are surrounded by the interminably douchy after work crowd day in and day out. Please let our doughy dilligent self through to the real weights please, as we'd like to put in our time and get the fuck out. Thanks, guy doing uneccessarily heavy shoulder shrugs 2 inches from the rest of the rack.

Regardless, our workout mix is always gingerly sprinkled with 5 times the US government's daily recommended dosage of college fight songs. We have to say that there are just some songs that pick you right the fuck up like that barely legal caffeine-guarana-panther testicle poison they sell next to the towel bin. So, we pay tribute to our 5 favorite allies on the warrior's trail to jacked-uped-ness.

Honorable Mention: Rudy Montage

We're not talking about the sappy Zamfir in the pines panflute nonsense, but we have to show our love for the rambling blue-collar ballad of a scrappy little lad that tries so big. We're especially fond of the corresponding movie sequence that let's us see Samwise Gangee get the everloving crap kicked out of him by Polish immigrants.

Dont just stand there trying to think! Let's hit those ropes! Jump to 1:35

Aggie War Hymn

Let's just get up front about things and say that most fight songs are rather upbeat and happy tunes. We're looking squarely at the Texas Longhorns working on that railroad of theirs all the livelong day, but we have to say the militant beat of the Aggie War Hymn has a great cadence for any number of ridiculously exerting activites. It almost has a smattering of the theme from Rocky if you try to hear it.

[Fighting Redacted] War Chant

A close runner-up to the kickass of the Florida State theme, your Rose Bowl runners-up have a catchy tune for you to feed the warrior within. Find a version with about 40 drums too many and go nuts. Its not REALLY a war chant, but we'll take what we can get. In the WWE of fight songs as costumed wrestlers, [Fighting Redacted] are Tatanka.

The noble buffalo approves.

Florida State War Chant

The Undefeated of all savage war cries. Conjuring images of painted horses and flaming spears surely add to its majesty, but the endless drone of the Seminole legions is the true source of its domination. A long staple of opposing team weight rooms to get them fired up for games of the centuries. Load the spacehip with the rocket fuel! Load it with the warriors!

Needs more tassels, but yes: a good swole song nonetheless.

Southern Cal, the Only Song They Know

Its boring, and its slow. It's the only song they know, and it will strike fear into the hearts of any army about to be trampled under the Trojan heel. It is a sound of impending doom. Doomy Doom Doom DOOM to those that oppose them. To the faithful, it is the sound of endless victory. In both cases, it gets you the fuck up and ready to stab your foe with a trident, light his daughter on fire, and pillage the ever living crap out of his village.

Play another song sometime! PLEEEEEEASE!!!

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics

There is nothing in this country's collegiate pepidemiology that can compare, however, to the glorious anthem of the Soviet workers. There are at least two movies that are instantly awesome by their renditions of this hymn, The Hunt for Red October and Rocky IV, and it was really a tough call as to which version to highlight....but Drago has fireworks and a whole motherfucking battalion on his side. He must break you. We have absolutely no problem with a team like the Red Raiders adopting this as their unofficial song of pirate praise.

We use this version because it is immensely cool, and could not find footage of the crew of the Red October singing it as they go silent. That would have been indescribably cool--ed.

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Comments

Let them sing.

by Marko Ramius on Aug 15, 2008 11:15 AM EDT reply actions

The Olympics haven’t been as much fun since the Soviets went away. I mean, maybe its the Alabama addiction to rivalry but who are the bad guys we have to beat? I do miss that song though . . .

On a related note, I find myself rooting for Auburn swimmers against American swimmers. Does that make me unpatriotic or just a perverse fan?

by Stephen on Aug 15, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

“Tribute to Troy” just got jock itch, so watch the fuck out.

by DeepSouthTrojan on Aug 15, 2008 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

Footage of Nikolai Volkoff would also have been appropriate. And sweet.

by Raider Red on Aug 15, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UQ1hw2bkdA

If you can change … and I can change … then everybody can change!

by EarthyTechnoPop on Aug 15, 2008 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

Just to point out: UT’s fight song is actually an upbeat version of Taps. The Eyes of Texas – the alma mater – is a downbeat version of I’ve been working on the railroad.

Or so I’ve been told.

by ClemsonHorn on Aug 15, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

USC’s fight song is “Fight On.” The song you’re referring to is “Tribute to Troy.”

by socalbryan on Aug 15, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

“…but we have to say the militant beat of the Aggie War Hymn …almost has a smattering of the theme from Rocky if you try to hear it.”

Not quite. Most annoying fight song, well other than Boomer Sooner.

by blon57 on Aug 15, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

What about Hulk Hogan’s entrance music. How can you get any better than the lyrics,

“I am a real American; Fight for the rights of every man!!”

Poetry.

Who are the “fake” Americans, you ask? Auburn fans.

by haybeab on Aug 15, 2008 12:24 PM EDT reply actions

I think I’m cute…I know I’m sexy…

by Will (the other one) on Aug 15, 2008 12:32 PM EDT reply actions

Slight correction, Orson. Our school song, “The Eyes of Texas”, is to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the RailRoad”. Our fight song is “Texas Fight”, set to a fast tempo version of “Taps”. The redundancy of the word Texas…we just want to make sure everyone knows where they are.

by blon57 on Aug 15, 2008 12:32 PM EDT reply actions

I guess you guys have heard a lot of Boomer Sooner and Fighting-Collie-Whatever-The-Hell lately, haven’t you?

Have fun in San Diego!

by Soonertruth on Aug 15, 2008 12:38 PM EDT reply actions

I’m surprised nobody’s YouTubed that scene from H4RO; that movie’s my nominee for Best Submarine Movie Ever, Cold War division. (Connery’s awful accent makes it twice as much fun.)

by PJ from NU in SF on Aug 15, 2008 12:40 PM EDT reply actions

I have to admit, although it annoys the crap out of me, the FSU War Chant is powerful.

by WarCardinals on Aug 15, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions

6, 8 whichever

by Soonertruth on Aug 15, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, nothing makes me want to crush the skulls of imperialist Yankee scum with the boots of the Socialist Workers Party like the International.

by BurritoBrosShits on Aug 15, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

#12

I do have to concede that we heard “Boomer Sooner” enough to want to puke last October and given the current state of our defense and your ten-depth talent roster, we will probably hear it a lot this year.

Muschamps better be as good as everyone claims he is or we are screwed. They should have put out a milk carton with one of those missing ads for our secondary last year.

We don’t to like to mention the collie issue, or the Kansas St. debacle, either.

We also refuse to spend any more time in San Diego.

by blon57 on Aug 15, 2008 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

Here’s the english version sung by Rutgers All-American Football Player (and part-time communist) Paul Robeson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtU3vUOa2sw

by Chips O'Toole on Aug 15, 2008 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

If you want to know about the heart of a communist, look no farther than this splendid profile of one of China’s rising stars:

“Other teammates said she did not own a cellphone or computer and seldom went shopping. One teammate said the most relaxing thing Liu had done was to go out on Sunday afternoon for fish filets in hot chili oil. Liu otherwise is known to talk almost exclusively about swimming.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/16/sports/olympics/16relay.html

Dan Ruettiger was a total pussy compared to this chick. Of course, Rudy didn’t have the resources of the land of China and a project with a number in the title aimed at his success.

by ya lawya on Aug 15, 2008 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

FSU is good, but USC takes the cake. If they don’t get back to their winning ways, FSU is going to revert to just another girls teaching college…and that would really drain the life out of their war chant.

by OhioDawg on Aug 15, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry, ClemsonHorn. I missed your correction and posted one.

by blon57 on Aug 15, 2008 12:55 PM EDT reply actions

Best. Anthem. Ever. Star-Spangled what, now?

by Holly on Aug 15, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions

I just can’t relate to the jock itch issue. Completely out of my realm of understanding, but I’m sure it meaningful to the rest of the readers of the blog.

by blon57 on Aug 15, 2008 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

I’m assuming Orson grunts when he gets his swell on at the gym

by McNulty on Aug 15, 2008 1:07 PM EDT reply actions

Red Army Choir + Battle Hymn of the Republic = Winner.

Short of shadowboxing to a Rocky theme or watching a Lou Holtz magic trick, it is impossible to get more pumped up than this.

by TJ on Aug 15, 2008 1:15 PM EDT reply actions

And I always thought Zamfir was master of the skin flute…dammit, I hate being corrected.

As far as the power of the senimole fight song (yes, ‘mole’), I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the last several years when despite the band’s exhortations the tribe is either half asleep or non-existent. May the cryogenic Blobby continue to be carted around the reFSU sidelines for years to come…

by sb on Aug 15, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

This will get ur swoll on…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNJpG2kj4w0

by CrimsonCommodore on Aug 15, 2008 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

~~- Orson does hang squat clean heavy and low -~~ I can confirm this.

by PushJerk on Aug 15, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

CrimpsonCommode-door:

It was inevitable:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G3yIIJPGFM&feature=related

by Bottagetta on Aug 15, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions

#27

Mr. Groves sends his regards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugmPECqzZRI

by TIGERinATL on Aug 15, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

Southern Cal? Laughable. Any one who’s mascot is a mere footnote to the history of the hairy, windex loving, Persian slaughtering, boy loving, democracy inventing Greeks is not worth any consideration. Troy is a joke. I give more respect to the Auburn Multimastcots or the idea of a Cornhusher or Hoosier as something to be feared and respected.

by Joshua on Aug 15, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

@ #20 — so you’re saying that they aren’t currently a girls teaching college, huh?

Coulda fooled me.

by OllieGator on Aug 15, 2008 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EipPYh_JcmY&feature=related
Don’t forget about this one. SWOLE UP

by Bobafet7 on Aug 15, 2008 3:16 PM EDT reply actions

You know, the Southeastern Conference would be even more intimidating if we had our own alphabet…

C-E-K SPEED, TOVARISCH!

by Conan D'Amato on Aug 15, 2008 3:52 PM EDT reply actions

God, the Hymn of the Soviet Union is awesome. I kind of want to go kill myself working in the Ural Mountains now.

by Eamonn on Aug 15, 2008 3:54 PM EDT reply actions

@1: Awesome.

by PeteJayhawk on Aug 15, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

Last of the Mohicans ftw

Even though this isn’t college football (I guess neither was the USSR) this is still one of my favorite commercials ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX_5tzwVz3I

by WarCardinals on Aug 15, 2008 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

Joshua: Troy a joke? Anyone who respects a Cornhusker or Hoosier more is a Real Joke.

by Stacey Kiebler Luvs Me on Aug 15, 2008 7:52 PM EDT reply actions

“And for a second, I… thought I heard…”

“Heard what?”

“I thought I heard singing, sir.”

“Singing?”

“Yes sir.”

Ask, o Orson, and ye shall receive.

by ClwFlGator on Aug 15, 2008 9:47 PM EDT reply actions

First off, the USSR hymn is repugnant to me, and should be to anyone whose sense of hipster irony has not yet beaten down the patriotism instilled in them as a child. They threatened our existence, and ended up being generally awful in most things. I can only appreciate its use here because that song ended up being a prop in a Rocky movie instead of a song that my family has to salute. It sounds nice, propped up there on the dustbin of history.

The greatest swole song of all time, objectively, is the LSU pregame march. I challenge you to go to Baton Rouge and not be moved by that show – few songs seem to truly match the spirit of a people, but I believe that one nails Louisiana.

The second greatest swole song of all time, objectively, is the Imperial March, overused as it might be on third downs across the country.

I had not thought of the Hulk Hogan theme song in a while, that might be a good #3.

by SDF fan on Aug 16, 2008 5:59 PM EDT reply actions

So you are telling me it is not cool to work out with to the theme music of Growing Pains and Happy Days?

You can get that stuff real easy nowadays. It is catchy and you can time a good set. I do not even count anymore. I do my curls to the Cheers Theme Music. It also reminds me of Cliff and Norm one liners.

by ethanator1088 on Aug 17, 2008 5:25 PM EDT reply actions