“We are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our own body, which is doomed to decay and dissolution and which cannot even do without pain and anxiety as warning signals; from the external world, which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless forces of destruction; and finally from our relations to other men. The suffering which comes from this last source is perhaps more painful than any other.”
LATE-BREAKING CORRECTION: During last night’s EDSBS Trans-Oceanic Olympic liveblog, one of our correspondents in Beijing reported that Purdue coach Joe Tiller had strangled NBC anchor Bob Costas on live television following the conclusion of the women’s all-around gymnastics final. The perpetrator, as reported in media outlets around the globe this morning, was former gymnastics coach Bela Karolyi. We regret the error, and extend our heartfelt snickering sympathies to Costas’ loved ones and the entire NBC family.
Счастливо усик Среда, motherfuckers.
An item in Monday’s Curious Index stated that Rudy Carpenter’s father has admitted to taking out a six-figure insurance policy on the beleagured Arizona State quarterback. This is unequivocally false. Rudy Carpenter’s position coach has taken out the policy. We regret the error.
Railing against ESPN and other black sportswriters is balls enough for two men, but professional sportswriter and powernapper Jason Whitlock is like Milton Berle in a cockshow: seemingly showing it all, he stuns you by showing you still more.
2. The Ball State Cardinals are going to run the table and make a bid to crash the BCS bowl party. I (spit) you not.
Five balls, ladies and gentlemen. Jason Whitlock officially has five testicles, though one of them is reserved for use on holidays and vacations only. Just like all the five-testicled wonders of this world, he invites mockery in picking a team with a defense that allowed 28 points a game last year and has to face the McRib-style Vince Young of Isabella County, MI, Dan Lefevour (not really Vince Young, and made with 100% pressed white meat) and Central Michigan at the end of the season.
Plus…even if you pick up the ketamine of such speculation and give it a whirl by buying into a Ball State insurrection (band name), you’ll end up out in the cold thanks to Hawaii’s colossal flop in the 2008 Sugar Bowl, especially if BYU hitches their holy britches up just so and wrecks shop in the Mountain West.
But it’s balls, for sure. To conclude, in accordance with international blog standards, we post this picture of Herr Whitlock.
Carrying balls around like that is tiring. Sleep on, sweet be-sacked prince.
The Kid from House Rock Built presents his 5 Fight Songs for Getting Your Swole On. Get cracking! There’s hang cleans to be done, son! BARWIS SEES ALL.
We don’t know about the rest of you, but we are definitely that guy at the gymnasium with the iPod zoning out, trying to forget they are surrounded by the interminably douchy after work crowd day in and day out. Please let our doughy dilligent self through to the real weights please, as we’d like to put in our time and get the fuck out. Thanks, guy doing uneccessarily heavy shoulder shrugs 2 inches from the rest of the rack.
Regardless, our workout mix is always gingerly sprinkled with 5 times the US government’s daily recommended dosage of college fight songs. We have to say that there are just some songs that pick you right the fuck up like that barely legal caffeine-guarana-panther testicle poison they sell next to the towel bin. So, we pay tribute to our 5 favorite allies on the warrior’s trail to jacked-uped-ness.
Honorable Mention: Rudy Montage
We’re not talking about the sappy Zamfir in the pines panflute nonsense, but we have to show our love for the rambling blue-collar ballad of a scrappy little lad that tries so big. We’re especially fond of the corresponding movie sequence that let’s us see Samwise Gangee get the everloving crap kicked out of him by Polish immigrants.
Dont just stand there trying to think! Let’s hit those ropes! Jump to 1:35
Aggie War Hymn (more…)
Alabama wideout Julio Jones mocks your petty loyalty towards gravity:
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The quarterback race at FSU is “getting interesting,” according to Jimbo Fisher, meaning Jimbo Fisher is considering all three quarterbacks at this point, which brings us ’round to anointing Drew Weatherford as the reigning Sisyphus under center at Florida State. We have the kind of grudging respect for Weatherford that one can only get watching someone their brains beat in for going on five years now, and hope he gets the job for two reasons: one, because he’s tough as baked nails, and two, because Florida owns him from the foundation to the rafters.
Adam Rose says USC’s total compensation package for Pete Carroll tops $4 mil easy, once you toss in the retirement bennies, free Wii games, and that swanky mat Pete Carroll gets two hours of sleep nightly on. Add in the country club/private plane gravy, and Saban still likely tops Carroll in total compensation. They’re both Bill Curry’s bitch, though, as long as they don’t have the guaranteed $500 monthly car allowance. Can you spell pimpin’? Bill can: C-H-R-Y-S-L-E-R S-E-B-R-I-N-G. Our piece on Chris Hatcher is up at SN, including the obligatory dumb factual error and even dumber comment on it The USC jock itch plague is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Syndrome outbreak at Georgia in 1993. Nothing went right for Ray Goff that didn’t involve Zaxby’s and tail. Ben Mauk is suing the NCAA for denying him a sixth year of eligibility. This whole thing would be far more plausible if Mauk would stop driving his Lark to practice. |
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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